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I was young many moons ago and my background is Anglo-French. After several months in splendid isolation, I decided to utilize the Internet and seek a Japanese, Korean or Chinese lady. Therefore, for a week or so, I searched the best sites and hoped for the best.
It soon became apparent that meeting someone wasn’t so hard, but would anything come from my desire and passion? Well, patience is a virtue but sometimes virtues don’t work or you miss the chance to start something new.
I met a nice lady called Chung Ae who originally came from South Korea and after studying she worked in information technology. She was a real stunner, nice and slim, a strict Protestant Christian and an adorable lady.
However, after several weeks, I knew she wanted to share a real and deep relationship and she let it be known that marriage was her long-term motive for dating. This became our stumbling block because I knew I would return to my beloved France within six months at the most.
More problematic than this, was my ex-girlfriend who had died young and in tragic circumstances. Her spirit still remained within my soul and now was not the right time for me to tie the knot and settle down.
If I had met Chung Ae several years later, then she would have been a fantastic catch, so to speak. However, to keep a long distance relationship is very hard and I really did not want to waste her time because not only was she cute and highly intelligent, but she was extremely sincere. Therefore, the feeling of desire was in my heart but this devout Protestant lady had my utmost respect, and in time, our meetings petered out.
The next lady was buxom and mixed Japanese-Brazilian. She had two young children and one year earlier, she got divorced in Japan. We hit it off in a different way -- Marie was very open and a little wild in a nice way.
Marie was 8 years older than me but this meant nothing because her features and curves were sexy and she liked to dress fashionably. It soon transpired that she was only looking for comfort and a casual relationship because she wanted to be free from pressure and stress. This suited me down to the ground and it was nice to see a lady in Tokyo with a fuller figure but not overly. Nice deep eyes, a smile to warm the heart, busty, nice muscled thighs and carefree with me but deadly serious about her beloved children who she adored and gave everything she had.
For four to five months, we had a steamy affair and while we knew our boundaries about not falling in love, this did not stop our heated passion.
I knew that she did not care about me looking for other ladies but my meetings from this time were based on my curious side. Of course, not all meetings went well and one lady loved herself and I think she wanted to study French more than anything. Within less than one hour, I knew that we would never see eye to eye and this applied to friendship and not romance. Neither I nor she would entertain romance because we were like chalk and cheese and worse, our thinking was completely incompatible.
I am not sure who wanted to leave first because I wasn’t going to play ball and neither was she. Also, I am sure that this experience for her had little meaning because she was rather shallow and searching for either a French teacher or a male to compliment her all the time.
Therefore, I continued to meet several ladies for the next few weeks and if I had met anyone special but not marriage-based until the future, I would certainly have finished with Marie. I was not interested in playing the field and entering a paradise of fools who just leave broken hearts for selfish reasons.
After some time, I stopped meeting ladies and settled with Marie and having passionate nights.
Internet dating was not so difficult and maybe this was much easier than going to any nightclub. Also, my Japanese was very basic but I enjoyed myself while searching for and meeting new ladies. Therefore, I would certainly recommend it for people who are new to Japan, irrespective of sexuality and gender, because it is easy to become isolated in any new nation, and not just in Japan.
Months of buying coffee in solitude can become mind-numbing and the high octane nature of Tokyo makes you feel even more lonely when no real friends or lover. Of course, some people like it this way and want splendid isolation but most people are looking for someone to add spice.
Providing you take precautions, show respect and have no ill intentions then internet dating in Tokyo is a piece of cake. However, it is never a piece of cake to meet that special person.
My only regret in life while I lived in Tokyo was not being more patient with Chung Ae. Looking back, she was the nicest lady that I ever met and while we no longer keep in touch, I certainly think about her from time to time but in a realistic way.
I am sure that people will have mixed views about Internet dating but the real outcome of it being a success or failure depends on your own personality and the individual you meet being sincere, open and honest.
© Modern Tokyo Times
19 Comments
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irishosaru
What an article!
Riiiight. You're the one looking for women on the internet while pining the tragic loss of your GF, and she's the shallow one?
Really? This article suggests the exact opposite.
Pixilated
Personally, I had nothing against the material, if all it was meant to be was an essay on a guy's experiences during his last six months in Tokyo seeking out Asian women to hook up with via the Internet.
But if it was supposed to be about the pros and cons of Internet dating rather than a purely personal account, the article could have at least mentioned what the specific advantages and disadvantages were, or at least how exactly he used the Internet for such "dating:" was it an actual dating website like Asia Friend Finder, or a magazine website that has a classified section like Metropolis, or just a general SNS site like Facebook, or not ever a website at all but an instant messaging program like Skype using the search functions? Such details might have made the article more objective rather than just an essay.
Maria
I thought this was quite interesting to read, although the English was a bit too overthought to be a smooth read. i don't think there's anything wrong with the author's attitude at all. He seems honest about his intentions and feelings - what's wrong with hoking up with someone attractive and like-minded re. what they want out of relationships?
clive1
BLACKLABEL....your presumptions are just that, presumptions.
The article gives info, for example, "More problematic than this, was my ex-girlfriend who had died young and in tragic circumstances. Her spirit still remained within my soul and now was not the right time for me to tie the knot and settle down."
And further down -
"My only regret in life while I lived in Tokyo was not being more patient with Chung Ae. Looking back, she was the nicest lady that I ever met and while we no longer keep in touch, I certainly think about her from time to time but in a realistic way."
TAJ - Maybe tripe to you....it was just his account....nothing more, rather tedious, maybe was.......but tripe, not really...
GOGOGO, DRACONALIS, SAYBROOK07 and PIXILATED Exactly.
FOXIE - I think he sounds more sincere than you - he says that his ex-died and then far away from his host country and I presume feeling lonely because of linguistic reasons - and near the end, his only regret was the nice South Korean lady..........maybe you are perfect....I think not, because nobody is perfect
clive1
Hello FireyRei
Yes, like you say "There are good & bad on dating websites, like meeting in a bar. You just have to use care & careful consideration."
I think the writer was just saying similar.
Michel Le Bon says the same, met someone stuck up but met nice people - and, it seems, he passed up the chance of meeting a nice lady.
But earlier on he does say "More problematic than this, was my ex-girlfriend who had died young and in tragic circumstances. Her spirit still remained within my soul and now was not the right time for me to tie the knot and settle down."
So I hazard a guess that he was just being honest to himself and caught in a mega city, isolated, and just looking for the feeling of not being so lonely or bored....or whatever.
clive1
Hello It's ME - I share similar thinking and I couldn't agree more with what you said....thanks.
You say the following:
"Like with many other posters(here and on other forums) they seem to be set in their ways and only want what they think is good for them. Be adventurous and enjoy what each relationship can offer and where it can take you."
"Don't matter if you met via the Net or not, have had friends with good and bad experiences. No different from guys that meet ladies in the local pub, international parties, etc."
clive1
Tokyo dating: individual account of internet dating
The above is the title of the article. Japan Today changed the title name...at no point does he claim "pros and cons."
"Internet dating was not so difficult and maybe this was much easier than going to any nightclub. Also, my Japanese was very basic but I enjoyed myself while searching for and meeting new ladies. Therefore, I would certainly recommend it for people who are new to Japan, irrespective of sexuality and gender, because it is easy to become isolated in any new nation, and not just in Japan."
I fail to see any malice - the only malice is the replies by some individuals who either presume too much or have read something into something which was not stated.
The writer also says this "My only regret in life while I lived in Tokyo was not being more patient with Chung Ae. Looking back, she was the nicest lady that I ever met and while we no longer keep in touch, I certainly think about her from time to time but in a realistic way."
Article - not for me, I like international relations and politics - but I fail to see all the negatives that have been stated by individuals who are very opinionated.
Look in the mirror - so to speak, article was just about an individual who seemed to find Tokyo a lonely place because of language and cultural factors.....
Writer says - "I am sure that people will have mixed views about Internet dating but the real outcome of it being a success or failure depends on your own personality and the individual you meet being sincere, open and honest."
Hmmm, I fail to see anything negative.
Yes, not the most of interesting topics......granted
Blacklabel
We get it, the lady is buxom, she is busty, she enjoys to get naked with guys from the net. I guess that is the "pro" of internet dating, that you can hook up with chicks who cant go out for anything longer than a 2 hour session cause they have kids?
garymalmgren
I was young many moons ago and my background is Anglo-French. After several months in splendid isolation,
Why do I get the feeling that this was written by a computer program named Michel Le Bon?
taj
FireryRey, You should be published here. Your post was much richer, more interesting, meatier than the tripe so kindly provided by JT. (I failed to read the original essay (?) to the end though.)
FireyRei
I joined internet date sites, and had a few meets, even got two of my ex-girlfriends from sites.
However, there is a lot of weirdness going on too.
Some of the members are constantly members. In around four years of on & off joining, I saw some of the same women constantly active: why? Standard too high? No-one contacted them? Seems suspect to me people would be a persistent member for so long - craving attention with the Smiles?
Some women would send me a Smile, or a message & when I replied: .... Nothing. They'd ignore me.
Some people refuse to show a photo: why? What chance can you possibly have if you refuse to put up a picture. Meeting in public, like a bar - you see each other's faces. I requested a photo sometimes from women that contacted me first, but they would not send it. What are they hiding?
Some women, if Japanese, would refuse to speak Japanese - they wanted an English lesson. This was not a problem with other nationalities - we agreed on whichever language easier.
The two nice (for me) women though, had 'normal' relationships with.
So, though there are weirdos & suspicious people there, you can also find normal, people like you there.
The last woman I met though two years back, the last ever, was awful. She was 15 minutes late, walked up to me slowly busy on her mobile, "Just a minute" she said putting up a finger without eye-contact. I wanted to leave at that moment. The next 5 minutes going to Starbucks was her talking down at me, like I was wasting her time for meeting her. So for the next 20 minutes sitting outside Starbucks, I got my revenge: I talked the most uninteresting rubbish I could think of, non-stop, then promptly said I had to leave. She even asked to meet again as I started leaving, and I replied in my heavy London accent, "Whatever darlin'." with a smile as I left that waste of 30 minutes alone.
There are good & bad on dating websites, like meeting in a bar. You just have to use care & careful consideration.
genji17
wow...summarize...author had 6months till home, wanted to get some strange...started rolling through the lonely and desperates on the date a gaijin . com pages...what was the point of this article?
nath
Never tried Internet dating as I can meet and date ladies just fine without it.
As for dating someone that will soon return, etc. Did that, done that, Got the T-shirt. My Wife when we met made it clear that she was going to leave at x-time(years ahead) and thus not-interested in anything long-term. Told her we can take it from there when the time comes, needless to say we got married way before that time and came to Japan together. So that shouldn't be a handicap, enjoy the relationship you got NOW and see where it can/will take you. Life is an adventure after all.
Like with many other posters(here and on other forums) they seem to be set in their ways and only want what they think is good for them. Be adventurous and enjoy what each relationship can offer and where it can take you.
Don't matter if you met via the Net or not, have had friends with good and bad experiences. No different from guys that meet ladies in the local pub, international parties, etc.
FireyRei
I stopped at the part he mentions he was looking for an Asian woman. The first paragraph.
Sad, sad little man.
saybrook07
I'm sorry, but this article is completely pointless. If this is meant to be a discussion of internet dating, then at the very least he needs to mention a bit about what kind of sites he's using and any challenges that may have posed.
At the moment, this is nothing more than a random essay about his experiences dating two women.
Draconalis
I wasn't even sure he was talking about internet dating. I figured he was talking about local connections till he decided to try internet dating.
Poorly written article.
Pixilated
Yeah, I found this article to be a bit misleading. Rather than being about the advantages and disadvantages of Internet dating, it just sounded like the experiences of a guy searching out hot East Asian women for short-term, non-committed sex-friends and "booty-calls" rather than true love or dating, or at least that's all I got from reading it.
Foxie
Gee, if all guys think like you, then I would never try internet dating. I am disgusted by this article.
gogogo
What are the pro's and con's? Just seems like a dudes story to me.