Here
and
Now

opinions

Why Japanese girls are a better catch than Japanese men

86 Comments
By Kay

In this age of global travel and internet communication, meeting and even getting seriously involved with someone from outside your country is a very real possibility. For that matter, how do Japanese women and men rate as romantic interests? Takako Matsushita, a Japanese cabin attendant who has also appeared on TV and in magazines, offers her perspective on how Japanese women may get higher marks than Japanese men in the international dating market. And her message? Japanese men need to watch out, or all the nice ladies in Japan may be snatched up by foreign men.

In a commentary published on the website zakzak, Matsushita writes that Japanese women ranked as one of the most popular in the world, while Japanese men have ranked very close to the bottom in popularity. This has apparently been mentioned in articles in foreign magazines and on Japanese TV and also seems to be true among her acquaintances as well. She goes on to explain why she thinks this may be.

One factor she feels that contributes to the popularity of Japanese women is that they tend to be dainty in appearance and are very fashion conscious. Even the average Japanese girl is likely to look stylish by global standards or at least cute in their own way.

Another important factor is that Japanese women are used to going out of their way to be helpful and pleasant to men. (Although Japanese men may not entirely agree) Japanese women in general treat their men with a great deal of consideration, for example when serving food or drinks at social gatherings or even at the office, where Japanese women are often expected to serve coffee or tea to male colleagues. Thus, things that come as second nature to Japanese women may seem very considerate and helpful to men from other countries.

Matsushita admits sometimes this can go too far when interacting with foreign friends or colleagues, as was the case when she was dining with some crew members and after pouring drinks for male pilots, she ended up being warned by other attendants that this wasn’t appropriate behavior unless you were the man’s wife or you were in a profession that provided a “different” kind of service all together. Still, the fact remains that Japanese women do have a standard of “womanly” behavior they are expected to adhere to, which could well make them attractive to foreign men.

Now, whether this is sexist or not in the context of Japanese society is a different matter, and one that probably can’t be fully discussed in a single article. (To me, it seems women in Japan are in some ways allowed a great deal of social freedom and personal choice compared to many countries in the world, but at the same time there exist some very strong preconceptions about how women should or shouldn’t behave, all of which is just a part of life in Japan.)

On the flip side, what does this mean for Japanese men? Matsushita says that Japanese men are used to being treated well by Japanese women, spoiled in a way, and simply unaccustomed to doing certain things for women. This could very well make them unpopular with foreign women.

So, based on Matsushita’s reasoning, you could say that to foreign men, Japanese women can seem particularly kind and attentive by just doing what would normally be expected of them, and to Japanese women, foreign men can seem extra considerate by simply treating women the way they usually do.

Matsushita warns this could be bad news for all the Japanese guys out there — all the attractive Japanese ladies may want to look elsewhere for boyfriend/husband material. (Maybe Japanese men can take a hint from our past article on how foreign guys make Japanese girls fall head over heels.)

So there you have a Japanese cabin attendant’s take on the popularity of Japanese men and women. You may or may not agree, but I think it does give us some interesting points to consider. Well, no one ever said relationships were easy, and when it comes to the search for true love, we need all the good advice and luck we can get, don’t we?

Source: zakzak

© RocketNews24

©2019 GPlusMedia Inc.

86 Comments
Login to comment

This article skirts around some very basic assumptions and stereotypes about Japanese men abroad: they are chauvanist, they are not romantic, they wait for women to make the first move in a romantic encounter, or expect women to take care of all of the domestic work (cleaning, cooking, and child rearing), or they are workaholics who will be seldom seen if you think about starting a family with them.

While some of these may not be true or be more true for some man than others, Westerners carry these types of assumptions and so you see far fewer Westerners going after Japanese men than Japanese women in romance.

6 ( +11 / -5 )

" A catch !!. I can think of nothing worse than being married to one of those talent-less Japanese female airheads that you see on tv.. She'd want to be pampered all day, and she'd spend your hard earned money on designer bags and other fashion paraphernalia. In return you'd get a wife with the mental age of a 6 year old. No thanks.

-10 ( +15 / -26 )

I'd say that it was a pretty accurate piece. Perhaps it could have added that Japan seems to have a much higher percentage of beautifull to stunning womem compared to other countries. I have zero regrets about marrying a Japanese woman. Best move I ever made.

17 ( +22 / -8 )

I don't think it's that Japanese women are "better" than Japanese men. It's just that Japanese men are in general, childish mother's boys with delusions of grandeur.

Perhaps it could have added that Japan seems to have a much higher percentage of beautifull to stunning womem compared to other countries.

That is a matter of taste and a pretty asinine comment.

One factor she feels that contributes to the popularity of Japanese women is that they tend to be dainty in appearance and are very fashion conscious. Even the average Japanese girl is likely to look stylish by global standards or at least cute in their own way.

Biased much? Who's the person saying this?

Takako Matsushita, a Japanese cabin attendant who has also appeared on TV and in magazines, offers her perspective on how Japanese women may get higher marks than Japanese men in the international dating market.

Oh, a Japanese female cabin attendant. Well then, it must be true, mustn't it?.......

I'm going to print this article out because I'm running low on toilet paper.

-10 ( +16 / -25 )

Tim_FoxOct. 19, 2012 - 08:29AM JST

This article skirts around some very basic assumptions and stereotypes about Japanese men abroad:

Nope you're wrong, these are assumptions about Japanese men held in Japan and many of them are also held by Japanese men.

Japanese women are the dynamics of any social interaction in Japan. TI's famous in Japan how a social gathering dies an immediate death on the departure of the last female. Anyone who has to use interactivity as a tool in their profession, prays for at least one female in the group to deflect the passive competition of self importance which will inevitably be dispayed by the males.

This topic is the elephant in the corner, which everyone ignores, but it's there. You can blame it on the lifetime committment to work or the competitive nature of Japanese society for Japanese men, but the truth is that it begins with the pampered prince upbringing most Japanese mothers smother onto their sons.

Of course there are exceptions, but.......

9 ( +11 / -2 )

My American friend thinks Japanese women are so wonderful that he's married four of them, and is just divorcing the last one. Doh!

27 ( +30 / -4 )

This article skirts around some very basic assumptions and stereotypes about Japanese men abroad: they are chauvanist, they are not romantic, they wait for women to make the first move in a romantic encounter, or expect women to take care of all of the domestic work (cleaning, cooking, and child rearing), or they are workaholics who will be seldom seen if you think about starting a family with them.

I couldn't agree more! Not only very basic assumptions and stereotypes, but also true facts for most of them.

5 ( +6 / -1 )

Wow. What's with all the negative comments? As someone who has lived in four countries (in Japan for 12 years) and traveled to more than 30, I thought the article was pretty accurate (albeit a bit simplistic). Japanese women DO tend to be quite feminine and are usually quite accommodating in their behavior toward men. This is simply a cultural orientation and whether people agree that it's good or not is besides the point. Some foreigners, like myself, appreciate these qualites and are more than happy to reciprocate with equal gentleness and consideration. Win-win situation!

19 ( +21 / -2 )

To Japanese men, they really need to be more attentive and show more affection and grateful-ness to the ladies in their lives more, then. actually, this goes for all men, and women.

Rather than just take it for grant, for those who are not used to it, start by saying thank-you and give little compliments and kind words daily to your ladies (wife, lover, girlfriend), a love interest and even a friendly word to co-workers or even the cleaning lady, landlord, etc.

Showing affection and grateful-ness, with kind words will go a long way. Men and women, young and old, likes to know that their actions, work and effort, are not wasted and gone unnoticed or appreciated.

And words of "I Love You" and such sweet words can really melt hearts, as long as it's said in a thoughtful and meaningful way, not just saying for the sake of saying it. But it might be too strong words for Japanese men who are not used to saying such words. at least too soon, anyway. Japanese may not be open to public display of affection, but doing it in private, to your love interest, should be done for the sake of love.

3 ( +7 / -4 )

Aint gonna happen any-time soon - The vast majority of Japanese women find communication and relationships with foreign men overwhelming/intimidating. They are also unlikely to ever come into contact with foreign men. Having said this, things are changing and Matsushita's predictions are likely to come true in the years ahead.

1 ( +5 / -4 )

when it comes to the search for true love, we need all the good advice and luck we can get, don’t we?

Good advice and luck, yes. A pile of racist/sexist stereotypes, no.

If you get yourself into a relationship with 'a Japanese woman' or 'a Japanese man', you're missing the point. The nationality/ethnicity/race means nothing. Look at the person inside and decide if you like what's actually there, instead of assuming that everyone adheres to the played-out old stereotype. They don't.

12 ( +16 / -6 )

I think it comes down to a very simple reason. In general Japanese women are feminine and as the article notes, fairly fashion-conscious. This is attractive to men the world over. Japanese men, on the other hand, are in general shorter and slender and less "manly," so to speak, than women in the west are groomed into believing what is attractive. There are cultural reasons as well, of course, such as those described by the article, but I think you have to take into account the physical aspect too. After all, it's not just Japanese men that aren't dating a lot o westerners, it's Asian men in general.

5 ( +6 / -1 )

Have to admit I find the article pretty much accurate, even if it isn't "politically correct". Younger 20-somethings, though, are largely airheads, gyaru. Wouldn't trade my Mrs for all the gold in Ft Knox.

1 ( +5 / -4 )

This article and the responses given remind me how opinionated and self-righteous westerners (and the other ...ers from other places) are.... LOL

-5 ( +9 / -14 )

Getting rather sick of all the Japanese men bashing articles on JT. This is what, the 100th we've had now on why Japanese women are oh so great and why the men here are horrible. Interesting isn't it that all of my western female friends who are married to Japanese men are happy while most of the Western men I know married to Japanese women are living hellish lives. Individuals. For every lazy and horrible Japanese guy, I can easily show you a lazy and horrible Japanese woman. It really isn't that hard to figure out. Though for JT writers and editors, it seems they have a ideal they'd like to continue to uphold for whatever reason.

7 ( +15 / -10 )

I second that, tmarie!

If stereotypes are OK today, we could say that the western females happily married to Japanese men had the maturity to look at the man inside while the western males in henpecked sexless marriages didn't think to look past the sexy, fashionable outer packaging.

For every lazy and horrible Japanese guy, I can easily show you a lazy and horrible Japanese woman

You could write that sentence without the two Japaneses, and it would make just as much sense. More sense.

8 ( +10 / -2 )

Indeed Cleo - sexless and henpecked from what the coworkers all complain about... Funny how THAT never gets written about, eh?

Indeed, I could have written it without Japanese - but then it might be deemed off topic! ;)

5 ( +9 / -4 )

Another poor example of ignorant (and admitted) blog writing.

I know plenty of Japanese girls that are entirely opposite of this description, and plenty of guys that prefer it that way. A servile girl is fine for a trophy, but nobody seriously wants one as a long term girlfriend or wife.

While I tend to agree that Japanese girls in general are a better pick than Japanese guys in general, it's not as clear cut, and usually applies only to people who have never left Japan.

-6 ( +5 / -11 )

My ex is anything other than a fashion conscious doll... it's her nature and attitude that attracted me to her in the first place, mentally strong, independent and just a really really nice person.

Personally speaking, I think Japanese women ARE more attractive than other women... then again we all have our own personal taste in what we find attractive. You can't really knock someone for their own tastes can you? Some guys like blonde Barbie dolls with zeppelin boobs... I don't ^_^

6 ( +7 / -1 )

It's obvious from some of the comments (despite avatars which don't indicate one's sex) that foreign women are jealous to the max! You should be happy girls. You've been liberated. You've got your equality, just like Julia Gillard. Now she is someone you can all aspire to (insert fart noise).

-12 ( +6 / -18 )

You've gotta kinda feel bad for Japanese men on this site. They get ripped into a lot.

When I first started dating my Japanese boyfriend (I'm a white female), I was 99% sure that it wasn't going to go anywhere, because his external appearance just wasn't my type (I realize now that I was being incredibly shallow). A bit shorter than me, not the best looking face, and not terribly self-confident. As I got to know him better, I realized that he was one of the most genuinely nice people I'd ever met, and I found myself wanting to talk to him more and more. We've now been dating for 7 months or so now, and he's by far the best boyfriend I've ever had. Sure, he's not the best looking, but I think that that's what has made him such a nice person, honestly. He hasn't ever been concerned with trying to be an "ikemen", and hasn't grown up having girls fall all over him. He's not concerned with fashion or hair products, just with making a decent living, taking care of his parents, and spending time with me. When we started dating, I was also a bit concerned about the rumour I'd heard that a lot of Japanese guys just want to date foreign girls for the novelty factor, so they can look cool in front of their friends. Almost a year later, and no indication of such a thing has ever occurred.

You might have to dig a bit, but there are absolutely awesome Japanese guys out there for foreign women. Hard part is that they may not be the first guys you look at.

14 ( +16 / -2 )

Just going by numbers there are many more Japanese men married to foreign women than vice versa.

6 ( +8 / -2 )

We've now been dating for 7 months or so now, and he's by far the best boyfriend I've ever had.

Thanks for adding a bit of balance to this. Something to cheer us up and see behind stereotyples.

4 ( +6 / -2 )

nandakamanda:

" Just going by numbers there are many more Japanese men married to foreign women than vice versa. "

That is true, but if you take economically motivated marriages to brides from low-income countries (Sri Lanka, Philippines, Russia, etc.) out, the picture changes drastically.

If you only look at Japan + First World marriages, the article is spot.

8 ( +9 / -1 )

sorry, spot-on.

5 ( +5 / -0 )

Maybe it's because the Japanese men are so busy trying to take upskirt pictures with their keitai and they can't rustle up the courage to actually communicate with Japanese women.

0 ( +1 / -1 )

Headline is: "Why Japanese girls are a better catch than Japanese men?"....Why doesn't this headline at least admit we are in the year 2013, not 1913, can either say "Why Japanese women are a better catch than Japanese men?" and be about adults or say "Why Japanese girls are a better catch than Japanese boys?" and be about pre-pubescent children? Lazy editing!

6 ( +7 / -1 )

Or that we are in 2012, not 1912. Either way. :-)

6 ( +6 / -0 )

Japanese men need to watch out, or all the nice ladies in Japan may be snatched up by foreign men.

Heard that for decades, and just the contrary happens, scores of J-men marrying foreign ladies and a few J-women are getting a foreign husband.

While I tend to agree that Japanese girls in general are a better pick than Japanese guys in general,

I can believe that for an heterosexual male, girls are a better pick than guys... in general. But if you've not tried guys, you can't even tell for sure.

Even the average Japanese girl is likely to look stylish by global standards

Not at all. You never read magazines at the hairdresser ? You'd have to search for a while to find Japanese girls known for being stylish... outside Japan. Not that I see any interest in dating a "global standard".

2 ( +5 / -3 )

The article seems pretty accurate given its a very general piece.

I dont really want to slag the J-guys, but after 2+ decades................. sorry the majority just dont seem like they wud be much of a catch, where as the ladies, yeah sure lots a great to look at, a fair number what you see is pretty much literally what you get, but even still there are lots of very nice ladies in Japan, the j-guys got a lot of work to do imo.

Tmarie, Cleo, glad you two have found some good guys but be honest many guys here really need to work on things to make them better partner material imo.

I have often said if Japan wasnt an island, if there was a a land bridge that many ladies wud leave these isles, just sayin.

3 ( +6 / -3 )

we could also say that the persons happily married to their spouses had the maturity to look at the person inside while the people in loveless marriages didn't think to look past the outer packaging.

3 ( +4 / -1 )

as long as they see themselves as japanese first and a girl/man second, i doubt any relationship with them is going to have any legs to speak of.

3 ( +3 / -0 )

You've gotta kinda feel bad for Japanese men on this site. They get ripped into a lot.

When I first started dating my Japanese boyfriend (I'm a white female), I was 99% sure that it wasn't going to go anywhere, because his external appearance just wasn't my type (I realize now that I was being incredibly shallow).

Problem is, most never reach that realization. But who could blame them? You could've just as easily ended up like them. When it's so easy, it's hard to hold it against them. And so it continues.

2 ( +2 / -0 )

I'd say that it was a pretty accurate piece. Perhaps it could have added that Japan seems to have a much higher percentage of beautifull to stunning womem compared to other countries. I have zero regrets about marrying a Japanese woman. Best move I ever made.

More like stating the bleeding obvious I'd say! I concur with your sentiments!

-2 ( +1 / -3 )

It's obvious from some of the comments (despite avatars which don't indicate one's sex) that foreign women are jealous to the max! You should be happy girls. You've been liberated. You've got your equality, just like Julia Gillard. Now she is someone you can all aspire to (insert fart noise).

Obvious? What exactly would we be jealous of? The fact that their seen as docile and man serving in the western media? No thanks. The fact that many seem to think they are delicate little dolls that will cater to any man's desire putting her thoughts, opinions and feeling aside? No thanks. I found the description of Japanese women in this article terribly sexist and for that, I pity Japanese women because they still have so far to fight in being seen as equals or being treated as anything but a doll to be played with when the timing suits a man. The sad thing is, the J female friends I have are nothing like what has been described - thank heavens. They'd be repulsed at this article just as much as I am.

Tmarie, Cleo, glad you two have found some good guys but be honest many guys here really need to work on things to make them better partner material imo.

In my opinion, I would say the exact same thing about many of the women here. While indeed, there are many men here who need to work on things, I would suggest there is about the same number of women here who could do the same. I'm thankful that I found a wonderful man who supports me and is what I "need", Nationality doesn't come into play for that and those who are going on about Japanese women doing this, that and the other should perhaps look at the individual, not the nationality.

1 ( +3 / -2 )

I wouldnt worry about foreigners taking all the "attractive" girls from Japanese guys. Foreigners tend to settle for the average ones and be happy enough with what they have. Japanese guys still maintain most of the attractive ones, they are just giving away some of the second and third tier ones.

0 ( +5 / -5 )

Well I married a Japanese man and I'm not a Japanese woman. If Japanese women are being swept away by foreign men then instead of trying to get a beautiful Japanese woman away from a foreign man maybe he can work to sweep a beautiful foreign woman off her feet as well. Why is it necessary to change to get Japanese women away from foreign men? My husband often acts like some of the mentioned stereotypes in this article as do some of my friends husbands but they are slowly changing their attitude. It causes arguments yes but a man can change and a woman can change once they are in a relationship.

4 ( +4 / -0 )

Japanese women on general look after themselves better than most women in the west. At my age most women back home are big and fat,, no thanks.

0 ( +10 / -10 )

Betraythetrust!--amen to that. In places, almost all women of all ages.

2 ( +7 / -5 )

Love sees no rules or borders. We shouldn't group a country's men or women and deem which side is more attractive to "foreigners". Every individual is different and when you fall in love, he or she will become most "domestic"> to your heart. Japanese men can be romantic, they work a lot in order to provide for the family (wife and children), perhaps also to hire a maid, so the wife doesn't need to do housework, they are proud of their country and their manhood, at the same time they care for their wives, Japanese or not. So what's wrong with that?

2 ( +3 / -1 )

I think there was a statistic somewhere on the amount of international marriages in Japan involving a majority of them being Japanese men to none Japanese women. Which would fly in the face of this article.

-2 ( +0 / -2 )

I have always found Japanese people in general to be polite, considerate and with a great sense of social propriety. My Japanese male friends are intelligent, hard working men who are kind to their wives and great with their family (When they have time) - the same goes for my brothers in law. Before I met my wife, who is Japanese, I dated girls from Australia (several), Brazil, Canada and England. But what struck me about my wife when I met her was her quiet, dignified and impressive sense of self and identity, impeccable manners, a kind, happy, appreciative, caring disposition....and smoking good looks.

I have no reason to suspect the guys are much different. Certianly the guys I know aren't. I suspect it's a bit of a myth.

6 ( +7 / -1 )

@Betraythetrust & @mitoguitarman: Thank you for proving that one's nationality is no guarantee of being a good man.

2 ( +2 / -0 )

This article is infuriating because it feeds into the subservient/full metal jacket-esque stereotype of asian women that most western doods unfortunately believe to be true.

1 ( +2 / -1 )

wouldnt worry about foreigners taking all the "attractive" girls from Japanese guys. Foreigners tend to settle for the average ones and be happy enough with what they have. Japanese guys still maintain most of the attractive ones, they are just giving away some of the second and third tier ones

BLabel,

The women you refer to are the ones I called "What you see is what you get" ie usually very very shallow, high maintenance, of little use around home, likely to be poor mothers, in otherwards NOT marraige material unless your looking for an expensive trophy.

Once you get past those there are still plenty of nice ladies around

1 ( +1 / -0 )

All I got out of this is that Western men go running to Japanese women because they are cute, tiny, and act like servants. Oh, and Japanese men are lazy.

-3 ( +1 / -4 )

think there was a statistic somewhere on the amount of international marriages in Japan involving a majority of them being Japanese men to none Japanese women. Which would fly in the face of this article.

aiserx,

Another poster explained that, the vast majority of non-japanese women married to Japanese men live in rural areas, where Japanese women have been decreasing in numbers for 3+decades. Basically you have men looking for wives & you have women looking for husbands + a better life. Where I live there are a fair number of farmers I know whose wives are from Taiwan for example.

If you take those marraiges out of the mix the number drops drastically

2 ( +2 / -0 )

I've been to Russia and the women there are just as sexy in their "packaging" as the women in Japan. The difference is attitudes. While it's politically incorrect to admit, men will always find a woman with a somewhat submissive attitude more alluring than someone with a strong independent will, but good luck finding a woman who will pour your tea in Russia who isn't a server in the restaurant you're in at the time. Maybe it is just to stroke the "man of the house" ego, I don't know, but, "Let me pour that for you" is much more attractive to men than, "Get it yourself". Hmm, I suppose that's true from the woman's perspective as well.

1 ( +1 / -0 )

It is easy to bash on J-guys. They are Beta Males who only get to marry other Asians or Western fatties. The Japanese women however, every nationality would like a piece of them. Even these days though, Japanese women dont want or have to marry Japanese men, they have enough money to get by and are already married to their fathers.

If you want a J-woman, you have to be strict on her. Punish quickly and reward slowly. Many guys who marry J women are lame-os who are used to getting walked over. That doesnt work and she will end up with her boss, 50 Shades of Grey style.

-11 ( +2 / -13 )

It's not specific to Japan, in most countries, you find more local man + foreign woman couples, than local woman + foreign man couple. The reason is pragmatic. In average women have lower level jobs than their suitors, so it's often easier for an international couple to live in the man's country. In case the foreigner is for a long time or permanently unable to work in the other country, a stay at home wife is more acceptable socially than a stay at home husband. That's not always, and that's changing.

the vast majority of non-japanese women married to Japanese men live in rural areas,

Osaka-city is very rural ? When there is a foreign resident meet up, for couples the % is roughly 60% foreign women + Japanese man, 20% Japanese woman + foreign husband (Chinese, Indian, South-Korean, most Asian countries. Peru, Africa, Middle-East... and a few Westerners), 20% both foreigners. The white gaijin man + Japanese woman couples are more medatsu, more often shown in media, and of course here, but they are a minority.

Where I live there are a fair number of farmers I know whose wives are from Taiwan for example.

I'd understand for Mainland Chinese, Filipinos, etc... But in what is that "a better life" than living in Taiwan in general ? That maybe a lifestyle choice if they were interested in farming and living in a cold weather. I've have know a number of Taiwanese women here, I think they are mostly city girls, Taiwan is mostly urbanised. They are married to salary men, teachers, small business owners... Many met at uni, as one or the other were exchange student, or at work for some international business.

1 ( +3 / -2 )

Japanese women : they are great to interact with on the surface ... but only on the surface.

Most of the time, you find out that there is a great amount of selfshness hidden under this very appealing surface.

Well, if you're family oriented, you might find happiness up to a certain point (until you find out that, in her heart, you come very last after the kid).

Japanese women want to get married fast, they want to have they kids as early as possible and they will do anything to please their man in order to reach this goal ... so that they can later show their true self and live they selfish and sexless way of life.

Japanese men : on the surface they are spolied by women but become a mere walking wallet once they become the salary man of the family. Most of them dream of cheating on their wives with younger women and lot of them make their dream come true since it's practically a social norm here as long as the spouse doesn't find out. All the japanese men I talked to are quite interested in trying western girls but they have a true inferiority complex in that regard. One of them even used the term "monkey looking" to explain why they feel they have not a single chance to get western girls. I find it silly but anyway.

Japan is a great country. I just love it.

But it can become very dry if you have too many expectations on the romantic side.

1 ( +1 / -0 )

My ex is anything other than a fashion conscious doll... it's her nature and attitude that attracted me to her in the first place, mentally strong, independent and just a really really nice person.

And you let her escape?

2 ( +2 / -0 )

Hmmm, I can see some points that the author is making. Some people think women in Japan often are expected to be like good little cute girls who are there to make everyone else happy. However, I know a lot of women who don't want to be viewed that way. They want to be independent and have equality in ralationships. Perhaps thats what they are seeking when they enter a relationship with a foreign guy. However, if the guy expects them to act traditionally Japanese (like a mentioned above) it may be hard for both sides to have a fullfilling relationship.

And in contrary to what the author has written, it seems that a lot of younger men realize that they need to do their fair share in a relationship and can't just expect their "girl" to do everything for them. More men seem to be cooking and cleaning that 10 years ago. I am not sure if my husband is usual or not (for me he is the most special thing in the world) but he often goes against the sterotype being portrayed above. He cooks, cleans and takes care of me. We recently became pregnant and he always is searching for snacks he thinks I like, gives me massages and takes care of the housework so I can go to bed early. Surely he can't be the only one like this in all of Japan...

3 ( +3 / -0 )

Forget about Japanese women. Hot Korean Chicks rule.

-6 ( +1 / -7 )

Surely he can't be the only one like this in all of Japan...

Good on you for finding a gud'un sakurala, but no, he isn't the only one. Mr cleo - who most of you would class as the Older Generation of Oyajis - also cooks and cleans as well as shopping and washing. I don't need to stand in the kitchen at all at the weekends and on holidays, unless I want to. Most Sunday mornings I wake up with the breakfast already made and a lineful of washing hanging outside to dry, and no I haven't been sleepwalking. As a sample for the younger generation, my sil also more than pulls his weight at home, shopping, cooking, cleaning and looking after their toddler daughter. My Brit friend and her daughter with their Japanese husbands also have a similar experience.

Anyone who tries to tell you 'all Japanese men are this' or 'all Japanese women are that' simply don't know what they're talking about.

5 ( +6 / -1 )

Indeed Cleo, indeed!!

-1 ( +1 / -2 )

This article, bear in mind, is not in any way scientific study but the opinion of a flight attendant who appears on silly Japanese TV shows. What she offers us is so old that it is stale. Not only that, its generalities are untrue.

This is 2012 and people are different. If this was 1973, when a couple consisted of a guy followed behind by a girlfriend, this might have had some substance. Today's guys are different. Couples walk hand in hand and the guy is as often carrying the baby and the wife. These days Japanese guys are also nice looking, well dressed and trim.

I have a lot to say about Japanese women, most of what I will keep to myself. I have found that a lot of Japanese women have dark personalities underneath their seemingly cheery exteriors. Alone with you they can be bossy and short-tempered. If you are a Westerner the chances are they do not understand you. Fortunately, there are the other kind. I have one of the other kind and am happy.

There are plenty of airheads in Japan, as there are elsewhere, and they are to be avoided, unless you are an airhead yourself.

A meaningful relationship in Japan with a native if you are foreigner or with a foreigner if you are Japanese follows one universally fundamental rule: You enjoy each other's company. All else is secondary.

6 ( +6 / -0 )

I do have to add one important thing about Japanese women. They a generally naively sincere and expect sincerely from whatever guy they get involved with. I believe the same is truly with Japanese men. I believe Japanese underneath their calm are passionate lovers, devoted and prone to jealousy. (This is something not readily apparent when you see couples sitting together and texting.) After marriage, they suddenly grow old after the children appear. They call each other okasan and otosan. They are not necessary unhappy. They are different.

One interesting thing: Japanese women apparently like men with long legs. I do not recall that this is the case with Western women.

3 ( +3 / -0 )

Forget about Japanese women. Hot Korean Chicks rule.

Unfortunately most of them look like they put their makeup on in the dark and eat with their mouth open. Apart from that........

0 ( +0 / -0 )

I am guessing this article is written by someone who has never been married to a Japanese woman. Japanese women are dainty, cute etc, and yes they do pour drinks for their husband and friends in company...but....and it is a big but.....Japanese women change a lot after marriage and in particular when the kids come around. Japanese women see it as their mission in life to take control of the house, daily finances and most importantly the KIDS. While of course they will usually ensure that their husband has a meal waiting when he comes back from work, the kids are number one priority up to the point of obsession. If you have ever seen a group of mums planning an event at a school PTA you will know that husbands are the furthest things from their minds!! I have heard many stories of Japanese wives falling asleep with their kids while husbands are left to complain or more often than not to find themselves someone else to keep them company on the side. So beware, life after marriage things may not always turn out as you may have imagined when dating over candlelight or swapping English and Japanese lessons....

7 ( +7 / -0 )

To tokyonice: In fact, Japanese wives are anything but brand collecting airheads. Wives are carefully chosen for their qualities as childbearers/childrearers and are charged with maintaining the family finances. A wife who fails to make a family profit--regardless of whether her husband's income is decent or not--is considered a failure.

To Victoria Maude: I have never been involved with any women here, but I've had a few friends and I can tell you from experience that there are some Japanese men out there who really are incredibly nice guys. I would be at a loss if asked to say the same about Japanese women. My advice to young foreigners coming to Japan is "onna kowai!" There may be some nice ones, but you better be a gamblin' man. Oh, and congrats Victoria Maude.

Finally, I don't think that marrying a foreigner is really such a great thing do to in Japanese eyes. Usually it is the girls who are getting to an age where they need to find someone and fast who get shipped off to the States to find a foreigner. There is even a name for such girls, but I can't recall what it is.

If any of you can find true love, then more power to you.

0 ( +0 / -0 )

Actually, there are more Japanese men who marry foreign women than Japanese women marrying foreigners. (yes, I was surprised to learn this.) These marriages tend to be between Japanese businessmen and Philippina's, Thai, and Chinese, and also a lot marriages with Japanese farmer men (a profession not highly ranked now).

Nevertheless, I agree that Japanese women overall tend to be much better dressed and attentive than Western women. But don't be fooled by the "cute" behavior that people mistake for immaturity; they play this very consciously, have high expectations, demands, and freedom when it comes to marriage.

0 ( +1 / -1 )

Now if only Japanese women would cease with the high-pitched cutesy voices, and obsession with "kawii" stuff...

0 ( +0 / -0 )

Getting rather sick of all the Japanese men bashing articles on JT

Makes a change from all the foreign bashing ones you read

3 ( +3 / -0 )

I wouldnt worry about foreigners taking all the "attractive" girls from Japanese guys. Foreigners tend to settle for the average ones and be happy enough with what they have. Japanese guys still maintain most of the attractive ones, they are just giving away some of the second and third tier ones.

Nonsense. they don't "give away" any women, foreign men can just as easily land an attractive Japanese women as a Japanese guy can, I will grant you that there are some who will just "settle" for one.

0 ( +0 / -0 )

As many of us gaijin men who happen to be married to a japanese woman will confirm, there is one paragraph in the article that actually says it all:

"So, based on Matsushitas reasoning, you could say that to foreign men, Japanese women can seem particularly kind and attentive by just doing what would normally be expected of them, and to Japanese women, foreign men can seem extra considerate by simply treating women the way they usually do."

In other words: there is basically only one condition to a happy life together, that both partners are reasonably "normal", and not something that I have sadly enough found most of the foreigeners in this country to be, somewhere from plain stupid to outright primitive....

The formal beauty in japanese women and in their daily behaviour is absolutely wonderful, and all they ask from a partner in return is, that he be capable of recognizing this and showing his appreciation for it. Most men however, especially japanese, consider women to be better doormats, while all they want is to be shown that they are accepted as equal partners. Which of course is an outrageous concept to japanese males.

To do justice to japanese males, one has to admit that the midevil, feudal and corrupt japanese society is so inceredibly preposterous, and most men never get a chance to ever develop into a normal human being. The quality of life in Japan is so ridiculously low, especially for working males, that there is no space to develop an individuality and a likable personality. And japanese women usually appreciate that if they find it in a man. Even if he is foreigener....

0 ( +3 / -3 )

I would be at a loss if asked to say the same about Japanese women. My advice to young foreigners coming to Japan is "onna kowai!" There may be some nice ones, but you better be a gamblin' man.

One of the problems I think I witnessed a bit is that some of the young westen guys I knew in Japan were very quickly seduced by the charms of Japanese girls. Good looking women who were quite artful with men - knew what they wanted and how to make them happy and feel good, and the guys fell for it hook line and sinker and positively rushed into marriage without actually taking the time to get to know the real person they were with. My advice to young guys is - just take your time to get to know the person you are with. It's a sensible approach. Don't rush blindly into something because you have this fawning stunner on your elbow. Get to know her. Try to make a balanced judgement. I know plenty of fantastic Japanese women who are wonderful partners to their spouse, but I know a couple who turned out very differently from the way they first appeared. And those guys are living in misery because of it.

So, don't gamble, do your homework. Like any relationship.

4 ( +4 / -0 )

The formal beauty in japanese women and in their daily behaviour is absolutely wonderful, and all they ask from a partner in return is, that he be capable of recognizing this and showing his appreciation for it. Most men however, especially japanese, consider women to be better doormats, while all they want is to be shown that they are accepted as equal partners. Which of course is an outrageous concept to japanese males.

Interesting. I could counter argue that the Japanese women's daily behaviours are anything but wonderful. Treating your husband as an ATM isn't recognizing nor showing any appreciation. Have you ever considered that some Japanese men are jerks just like some Japanese women are nothing but materialist cows? If anyone is considering Japanese women doormats, it seems like the writer is based on the sexist and derogatory comments that basically Japanese women just cater to the whims of their men.

that there is no space to develop an individuality and a likable personality.

The same can again be said for the women. Going one step further, perhaps this is why they behave as little girls with giggles and immature behaviour.

What you are failing to understand is that every snide comment you make about Japanese males, there can be a comment made about Japanese women. In the end, it is the women in this country who raise their sons to behave as they do. Smart women raise well behaved men who respect women. Other women raise the slobs and jerks you all seem to think represent all men in this country. The same can be said about any nationality anywhere in the world. Raise your children well and they will turn out to be decent adults. Indulge them, spoil them and don't bother teaching them respect, manners and ethics and they will not understand such things. Be it male or female.

0 ( +2 / -2 )

Why Japanese girls are a better catch than Japanese men

One reason may be that "girls" generally fall into the category of those under 18, while "men" fall into the category above that.

0 ( +0 / -0 )

My ex is anything other than a fashion conscious doll... it's her nature and attitude that attracted me to her in the first place, mentally strong, independent and just a really really nice person.

And you let her escape?

She didn't want a serious relationship until her son graduated... so we agreed to stay friends. We still hang out when I go to Japan.

0 ( +0 / -0 )

Foreigners tend to settle for the average ones and be happy enough with what they have.

Yes, this is true.

A lot of foreign guys' wives are 6-8 range. The top-shelf girls in Japan are usually off-limits to foreign guys for a few reasons:

a) Her English would have to pretty good - for most J-girls, it aint. For the top-notch, they know they can get guys and money with other assets.

b) A lot of top-notch J-girls do not have boyfriends, husbands, etc. Why would they when they court so much attention everywhere they go?

c) Most foreigners in Japan are on comparatively modest incomes and certainly not of the ability to maintain a knock-out stunner.

d) Most foreign guys in Japan are Beta-males who are more brains than brawn. These guys dont attract top-notch at home or on the road. Alpha-males dont really need to travel too much, they get what they want at home.

0 ( +3 / -3 )

What's the current monthly rate to maintain a "knock-out stunner"?

0 ( +1 / -1 )

oikawa:

Ask the formula One racer friend of Jessica Michibata.

0 ( +0 / -0 )

I like Japanese women. Never tried a reltionship with a Japanese man.

2 ( +2 / -0 )

Ok, what about your everyday, run-of-the-mill stunner?

0 ( +0 / -0 )

I will have to second the less than stellar looks. My husband always comments that foreign guys end up with average or not exactly hot J chicks. Mind you, I think it works both ways for the ladies. Different folks find different things attractive. Nothing wrong with that at all. Ugly people need love too!

-5 ( +0 / -5 )

One strategy which works, not only in Japan.... is to pretend that you have no money (i used to have to pretend but recently it has become kinda true) but anyway.... pretend to be skint...... and if she still comes after you then you know she is probably more interested in you for what you are. I like to tell myself its for my good looks. ;)

0 ( +0 / -0 )

The title of this piece seems to beg the question a better catch for who? As many have pointed out the numbers on non-Japanese women marrying Japanese men is far, far higher than the other way round. However you choose to interpret that statistic the reality is that for large numbers of foreign women a Japanese man is a good catch.

Anyway, as we seem to be dealing in stereotypes it seems to me that an awful lot of the men married to Japanese wives are chauvinistic, childish and generally unpleasant. Seems like most can't handle educated, liberated Western women so they escape to Japan. I can't help thinking that the foreign men who buy into the stereotypes of Japanese women and the Japanese women that believe the stereotypes of foreign men deserve each other. And yes, the Japanese women married to foreign men are often not considered that attractive by Japanese standards, but partly that is due to taste.

-1 ( +0 / -1 )

To be honest, Japanese men/women in this article could very easily be likened to the situation in the US during the 1940~1950s. The man would go to work, and come home while the wife would cook dinner and bring him the paper when he came home and fawn over him. Well the men back then got too damned spoiled, and didn't help the wife out around the house and she'd finally had enough. The fact is, when a woman (any woman) is considerate, loving, and caring for you... RETURN THE FAVOR, don't always sit back and take the happy joy joy until she gets sick of you using her. Of course there are some women like that too and same should go for them.

1 ( +1 / -0 )

Regarding the whole looks thing. I've met multiple fit and attractive women here with foreign husbands/boyfriends. The whole 'it's only the ugly women who with them' nonsense is the kind of typical misplaced Japanese pride/xenophobia that people on this site usually complain about.

2 ( +2 / -0 )

I've been here long enough to realise one thing - it comes down to the media.

Too many guys on TV are overly-feminine - totally beta (males). The media needs to start portraying men as more manly types (who wear less make up). Prime time TV is nothing but toxic. Seriously, harden up!

0 ( +0 / -0 )

Agree with GaroJ

0 ( +0 / -0 )

“Japanese men need to watch out or all the nice ladies in Japan may be snatched up by foreign men.” - The statement is extremely unfair! “While Japanese men have ranked very close to the bottom in popularity.” – I wondered who ranked them. Obviously not foreign girls… As one of the foreign girls, I would rank them at the top! I disagree with the theory the article stated. Basing my facts on chatting with many Japanese people mostly male, I believe that what stops them from making the first move towards the western girls is nothing but shyness and not believing in themselves. Sounds like a complex? Guess what? This complex if it can be called a complex is in fact given to them by the sweet Japanese girls. Not the western girls. However, once those handsome Japanese male break Free, find more confidence in themselves and will not allow the Japanese girls to put them down or belittle them, - there will be no stopping! The article should be read: “Japanese women need to watch out or all the nice guys in Japan may be snatched up by foreign women.” Give it a break… this article is very unfair to the Japanese male and to the western women! IN TRUE FEELINGS OF LOVE THERE WILL BE NO COUNTRY, RELIGION, BORDER & CULTURE WILL BE OVER-COME!! I WOULD SAY: WATCH OUT JAPANESE WOMEN – WE WESTERN GOOD LOOKING GIRLS ARE COMING AFTER YOUR JAPANESE MEN!!!

1 ( +2 / -1 )

I'm an American woman who lived in Japan for a few years. I dated three J men. The first one lasted eight months, but we broke up because he was so busy with work that he completely ignored me for 2 weeks, not even a text message. The next guy only lasted a couple dates, because he was obviously a self-centered person who was probably spoiled by his mother (though he did admit that he thought I was very intelligent, I'll give him that). The third guy was a male-chauvinist who kept saying things to charm me because he wanted to marry me. We were together for half a year but I had to end it because he would, ahem, demand that I sleep with him even after I made it clear that I was not feeling well and not in the mood.

Oh, did I mention that I was molested on a JR train once? I hadn't been consciously afraid of rape before but that experience taught me that rape culture is alive and well in this fine world we live in.

Everything I saw and heard- the TV, magazines, what women and girls said, etc, showed me that male chauvinism reigns supreme in Japan. I sincerely hope that more Japanese women can find kind, respectful partners, and Japanese men certainly have a lot to work on if they are to compete with western guys.

2 ( +2 / -0 )

I'm not competing with western, eastern or whatsoever guys, but I would say non-Japanese women I dated before (Italian, German and Croatian) weren't as boring as the japanese women I dated before. They were much more opinionated and outgoing than Japanese women who knew what they wanted in their lives, which was a good thing to me. I don't really care about appearances though, eastern or western or southern or northern, except that I now hate jungles on somewhere all straight males love. ew.

0 ( +0 / -0 )

I agree almost completely with this article. What I don't agree with is how it is stated that foreign women do not usually take untreated in Japanese men. Me being one of them, Western biracial women across America tend to find Japanese and Asian men VERY desirable! But because of their skin very few end up married to Japanese men. Their stubborn pursuit after Japanese women keeps them from seeing the other available options out their. This gradually reduces the number of willing potential mates they have within Japan and with the rest of the world.

0 ( +0 / -0 )

Login to leave a comment

Facebook users

Use your Facebook account to login or register with JapanToday. By doing so, you will also receive an email inviting you to receive our news alerts.

Facebook Connect

Login with your JapanToday account

User registration

Articles, Offers & Useful Resources

A mix of what's trending on our other sites