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For those of you who are married to Japanese, how well do you (or did you) get on with your in-laws?

20 Comments

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We get on very well.

4 ( +4 / -0 )

Cool As. I am their treasure. My people visit us in New Zealand and we go to Sendai. Great people.

4 ( +4 / -0 )

Same here. Unfortunately, my wife’s parents have passed away.

3 ( +3 / -0 )

Very well. My late FiL was great pals with my late Dad, my MiL says she gained a daughter rather than lost a son. My SiL is a good mate, treats our kids as the son and daughter she never had..

6 ( +6 / -0 )

Get on better with the mother in law than I do with my wife!

2 ( +2 / -0 )

Wow! I'm glad to see so many positive posts. However, I was not so lucky. I was never accepted by my ex-in-laws and they were a major contributing factor in my divorce. They continue to be a driving force behind getting access to my kids as well. Here's a couple of examples: My first 'sho-gatsu' (new year) in Japan we went to the in-laws in N/W Japan for the breakfast thing. He got up early and disappeared. He returned and locked everybody out of the kitchen. Unbeknown to us (so I thought), he had bought a large and expensive crab (¥20,000~) and he was preparing it. He came out of the kitchen with it all presented on a big tray, walked up to me and said, "Happy new year!" in English. This is where things went south. I'm allergic to crab and cannot eat it. I explained this to him, but he was not impressed. He threw the tray onto the table and just walked out. He returned later that evening and just went straight to bed. I found out later that, my ex-wife knew what he was doing, but said nothing to him about my allergy. She set me up! "B!tch!" Things were never the same after that and he pretty well never spoke to me again over the following 9 years of marriage. When our first child was born my ex went to N/W Japan for the final 3 months to have the baby, which is pretty normal in Japan. - It was probably the best three months I've had in Japan, but that's another story. - I got the call in the morning saying she was in labor and was ordered to get my assets up to the N/W. I jumped on the train and got there in the late afternoon. He was waiting for me outside the hospital. I got out of the taxi with my bag and a large bunch of flowers after being in transit for over 6 hours and this a-hole just grunted at me, turned around and started walking into the hospital. He didn't say a flipping word to me. - A few years later we visited them again. I was already prepared to be ignored and I had my Australian sarcasm with me. We were sitting in the kitchen. The women were preparing dinner and I was sitting at the table with him having a couple of drinks. He was drinking sho-chu (no surprise) and I was drinking beer, which was outside the door in the snow. I was sitting next to the door with easy access to the beers. He was sitting next to the refrigerator within arm's reach of it. He finished his drink, slammed his glass on the table and said, "Michiyo! Ice!" demanding his wife run over and fill his drink for him, even though he was sitting right next to the fridge. She ran over and filled his drink for him without any comment or a thank you from him. This is where I got into trouble again. The sarcastic Australian came out. I finished my beer, slammed the can on the table and said, "Yuko! Biru!" My ex-wife just glared at me, of course. The next thing, he went off his head screaming at me for talking to his daughter like that, even though he had just done the same thing to his wife. He just got up and went to bed. - I did nothing to this joker, except being allergic to crab and he just wiped me from day one!

9 ( +9 / -0 )

Lovely people. Nothing but kindness. And their daughter is no different.

3 ( +4 / -1 )

I get on really well with mine too.

5 ( +5 / -0 )

Very well. My FIL is a lovely man. He's a taxi driver who is really into his history. I've seen him crying after a couple of drinks when he laments mistakes he thinks Japan made during the Meiji era! My MIL has often jumped on a Shinkansen to come to Tokyo and help out at a moment's notice when we've had difficulties (usually sick kids) and cooks the best karaage in the world!

Disillusioned - sad to read about your appalling ex-FIL.

4 ( +4 / -0 )

My in laws are fantastic people. Love them dearly. My FIL even offered to build me an office on land behind the house so I wouldn't have to commute each day. For me that would be too much pressure but it's the kind of great people they are to offer that.

3 ( +3 / -0 )

Sorry to read about your experience Disillusioned. They sound like terrible people.

5 ( +5 / -0 )

All generations of my in-laws are among the kindest and most decent people I've ever met.

4 ( +4 / -0 )

In-laws are great. Glad they accepted me as otherwise it would have made life difficult. FIL loves having a beer with me and wants to lecture me on Japanese history or one of his other hobbies. MIL always feeds me.

Can't complain !

2 ( +2 / -0 )

My father-in law doesn’t drink.

Worse than any language barrier.

2 ( +3 / -1 )

My FIL, may he rest in peace, was a good man albeit a heavy drinker. When we visited from the States he would rent a beer tap and buy a keg so we could enjoy draft beer at home together. They were Kansai folks.

@Disillusioned, and any others marrying Japanese, you need to do due diligence on in-laws just like back home. I am sure there were warning signs. Also, it is not uncommon to find great happiness in a second marriage, and based on your experience, I am sure you will want to get along very well with parents in laws before remarriage. Before I married my wife I had another girlfriend from Nagano and visited her for about a week. Her mother apparently complained about me after the first day or so begin picky in not eating natto for breakfast. The father was paralyzed and seriously depressed. He made an effort to make an aisatsu on the first day but after that would not meet me. I dodged a bullet seriously.

5 ( +5 / -0 )

Never met my husband's father (he passed away) but get along very well with my mother-in-law. She's really laid back and easy going, and is always talking to the tv which I find adorable.

4 ( +4 / -0 )

Mine cut us off when we got married. "Kando da!" Did they think I was after her family's money or something??? Nuts. So much secrecy and moving in and out of rooms in order to discuss whatever privately.

Years later I felt that they had started to warm to me a little, but it was too late as he then died. Recently my wife told me laughingly that they had actually been secretly funding her all along, but no-one had ever bothered to tell me.

I envy the simple goodness of most of your in-laws here, and sympathize with Disillusioned above.

5 ( +5 / -0 )

Coming to Japan as a 17 year old kid, and being on my own from the age of 15, I found a new mother in my MIL, she has known me since I was 18, has always considered and treated me like her son, and I am the only in-law to get by with calling her Ka-chan, we fight and argue sometimes, and make up a few days later as if nothing happened. Since my wife's passing, we still talk on the phone, we gossip, talk about the grand-kids and great grand-kids, and bicker back and forth all time about some ridiculous things, but she still calls me her son, and tells everyone I am her son. She is getting up there in years and I will be upset more when she passes than I was when my real parents passed away, because I have spent the majority of my life with her and her family, and she has always treated me the same as her own children, no different! FIL left long before I came along, don't think I would like him much though!

7 ( +7 / -0 )

My FIL was like a best friend. We went fishing together, bowling, he had me take over the tool and die business when he retired, as they had 2 daughters and no son. He always called me "onichan". My Japanese BIL married to his other daughter hated me. He is a pilot for JAL. Arrogant as the day is long. Treats his wife like dirt (has beaten her a few times after Otousan died) and has nothing but contempt for me and the wife. My wife has tried to keep a relationship with her sister but he steps in stops everything.

MIL hated me from day one. Tried to turn my wife against me about the business losing clients. Not a fault of anyone. Miyazaki is dying a slow death. Tool and die is specialized and when industry moves techinical and specialized businesses suffer. When pops died MIL immediately moved in with wife's sister in Chiba. MIL does all she can to kiss pilot boy's backside as he makes a killing at JAL and is her future. Hasn't called my wife since sher left Miyazaki for Chiba.

We visited for New Year and my BIL and MIL told me individually I was never welcome again in Chiba. My SIL felt bad as I defended her from one of pilot boy's punches and then took him outside and kicked his backside from one end of the porch to the other. Neighbor's called police and they told them he attacked me. They are tried of BIL troubles as well.

I love my wife with all my heart and soul and she does me. That is what is important. Business getting a bit better this year too.

Oh well, guess me and Disillusioned can have a beer or 10 together if he ever gets to Miyazaki. In the mean time, cheers Disillusioned.

5 ( +5 / -0 )

@Disillusioned and kyushubill, I have to say it is a bit hard to believe that you got so much hate for no reason. I have never in all my days felt hated by someone for no reason. Are you sure you didn't do anything to offend them. Anyways, hope it works our for you both.

0 ( +1 / -1 )

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