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What advice would you give to someone who shows signs of becoming a stalker to help them stop their obsessive behavior?

21 Comments

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21 Comments
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Stop that!

0 ( +0 / -0 )

Sadly most thinks that men are most likely to be stalkers. The funny thing is that women are usually more aggressive and overly jeleous than men, and can react more umpredictable. What's even funny, is that Japan has various songs about stalkers, romanticize them. Look on YouTube if curious. :)

-1 ( +0 / -1 )

Tell them they are becoming a stalker first. they may not be aware that is what they are doing.

1 ( +1 / -0 )

Seeking counselling ASAP and/or turn yourself into the police if you feel that you're going to be a danger to others and/or yourself.

-1 ( +0 / -1 )

If they don't stop bothering you, tell them you are going to contact the police. This should work in most cases as most normal Japanese are terrified of getting into any kind of trouble with the authorities.

-1 ( +0 / -1 )

It's a serious problem in Japan. I have a lot of sympathy for the victims. These creeps can really ruin your life. Why are there so many stalkers in this country?

-1 ( +1 / -2 )

I'd tell them to go on with their actions.

Seriously, why was my comment removed? I suggested porn and masturbation help clear people's mind, specially if they're obsessed with someone. When people are horny, they do stupid stuff. Not horny, they might look at things from a different perspective. Such a normal thing. Unless of course, it's a taboo to talk about that kind of stuff.

But whatever. Just keep only the solutions you think are the most Christian.

-3 ( +2 / -5 )

Someone with obsessive behavior can not stop himself and usually does not even admit or recognizes to be obsessive. So any advise could make you end up with a bloody noose

2 ( +2 / -0 )

Hey! Don't stalk!

-1 ( +0 / -1 )

I'm a victim of quite a scary stalker situation years ago, and here's what I wish I knew at the beginning: be extraordinarily firm with your rejection and boundaries.

(like most cases) My situation didn't go from 0 to 100 immediately. My stalker didn't begin as my stalker. She started as an acquaintance within a group of friends, and I was kind and polite to her as I am to everyone. And when she started to show interest in me, I tried gently ignoring it, brushing it off, edging away slowly... hope it'd dissipate as most unrequited crushes do. But I was still polite and kind, especially because we shared a circle of friends. Because it escalated slowly, and because she seemed like a normal, friendly person, I didn't see any need to be blunt and tell her to go fly a kite and leave me alone forever. However, my soft approach encouraged her rather than discouraged her, and (fast forward the story a bit) I ended up with a monster who thought that she "knew me" (as a kind person), so when I was forced to defend myself from her insanity by being brutally direct and forceful, she rejected it as "just an act" and kept persisting with her escalating stalking.

It's a long story that this short synopsis isn't doing justice. But the point is - when someone is showing signs of being a stalker, be extremely firm from as early as possible. Reject, repeat the rejection, repeat the rejection loudly and definitively, don't give any encouragement, don't be empathetic or understanding, don't excuse even small breaches of your boundaries.

And for a third-party observer of someone who shows signs of being a stalker (as this question asks), I'd advise the same. Help the poor victim out (and the potential stalker too, really) by being extremely blunt and admonishing of stalker-like behavior, and don't show any sympathy for their plight. They need to know it's not remotely OK, end of story.

3 ( +3 / -0 )

What? That is like telling a person doing drugs they should stop.

AKA an intervention.

-2 ( +1 / -3 )

Control obsessive behavior.

What? That is like telling a person doing drugs they should stop.

3 ( +3 / -0 )

Such people have deep-seated mental health issues so the only advice that might help is advising them to get mental health care. Stalking is a symptom of a deeper problem.

1 ( +2 / -1 )

What advice would you give....

Still in my middle 30s and I think I've seen all kinds of sickness out there.

Answer: not worth it. Same as stressing over road rage. You will waste your precious life time trying to 'educate' people out there. With much effort, 1 done. 99 to go. 100 now. 101 tomorrow.

It's all about the chemistry in the brain. X% of people are naturally born this way.

You can't change the human nature. But you can stay the heck away from these people and live a quiet life.

2 ( +4 / -2 )

Control obsessive behavior.

1 ( +3 / -2 )

"You have a personality disorder. What you think of as normal and benign behaviour is weird, creepy and distressing for the person you profess to like. You need to stop this before it becomes toxic and criminal. Try to focus on other things - not people. Things that you can obsess about without upsetting anyone. The more you continue stalking, the worse you will feel later on when reality kicks in. You will ruin your own life as well as that of the person you are obsessing over. It's not love if they are scared or upset. You can get help or you can go cold turkey and try to sort yourself out. You are not destined to be a creepy weirdo, but you have to accept that you have a problem, and change your own behaviour."

-1 ( +0 / -1 )

make sure to talk to them when they are not in stalking mode, and they are more sober so they are more receptive and rational. Tell them that fixation is a common occurrence and can be quite counterproductive and dangerous. This is the anecdote that I always tell to my friends who feel down after getting dumped or rejected in their relationships: society is like the sea and people are its sea life, there will be easy catches, there will be ones that can sink your boat, and ones that will get away. You'll never catch any unless you cast your line.

Back on the stalker-y person, advice him/her to detach from the situation and look at it again, there may be more and better fish in the sea, they may just have their horse blinders for too long that they forget they had them on.

1 ( +2 / -1 )

Though they may sound immature, obsessed and possibly resentful regarding the object of their fixation, I am not sure potential stalkers would broadcast the extent of their behaviour. It might even sound creepy, even to them.

4 ( +6 / -2 )

I have never known any.

-3 ( +3 / -6 )

Get alive!

-8 ( +2 / -10 )

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