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Is a little bit of jealousy good for a relationship?


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Define good. If you think a relationship is supposed to last forever, then jealousy helps, and that would be good.

But I think relationships are supposed to run their course, and I find jealousy to be an ugly thing that should be suppressed along with the desire to strike others. Jealousy causes pain, poor judgment and trouble and prevents people from getting out of relationships they should no longer be in.

0 ( +1 / -1 )

Well, isn't jealousy one of either two things? Insecurity about one's own appeal, attractiveness and ability to keep a partner; or lack of trust in one's partner's ability to stay faithful. Neither one is a very healthy feeling to have in a relationship.

2 ( +2 / -0 )

Very troubling indeed. It's hard to say which is worse though, jealousy or the lies towards the person who is jealous.

By that I mean this. We all have this built in radar, senses and defense mechanisms. We know when something isn't right. If you are jealous then you have reason to be. I deplore the women who try to convince men that their jealousy is a fault of their own.

You are NOT at fault, whether you are a man or woman. If you have this feeling of jealousy it is there because your partner has set the stage for it. The worse thing you could do if you have a partner who appears jealous is to tell him that his / her radar is messed up.

You are coming home late. You aren't calling. You aren't returning texts. You show no interests in your partner unless you are in the mood. There's something distracting you

To the jealous people I say this. There is absolutely no need to catch your partner in the ACT. If you feel this way, there's a 90% chance your partner is cheating. Whether it be a lit cigarette or a full blown blaze where there is smoke there is fire.

For the guys, the other person may not be another man. It could be one of her GFs. Women are jealous of women who have boyfriends. YES, it's true. She wants her shopping partner, her lunch mate, her friend to confide all her dirty little secrets in. She wants to go to Roppongi and dance with your GF and drink into the night. You had better understand Japanese women. It's lesbianism without the physicality. That part has not manifested yet. You are in the way.

You might even meet this friend. You'll know it's her when she doesn't ask you a single question the whole night. It's not cause of her English or your Japanese. It's because her friend is possessed by your tool and there's a jealousy for that too.

Just because she isn't physical with your GF doesn't mean she can't ruin your relationship. If your radar is working you'll recognize this. You tell your GF your feelings and if she laughs at you or tries to tell you your radar is off. Guess what.....you are just a boy toy. You are just the attention that she needs at the moment.

In summary, it's not bad to be jealous. It's a self-defense mechanism developed over time by negative experiences. We do learn from our mistakes, ya know. If she's leaving you home on Friday and Saturday nights and you are the last person on her weekend schedule.....RUN!! A real partner can't wait to see you. He or she will never allow ill thoughts to crack the foundation of their relationship.

-6 ( +0 / -6 )

Yeah, I agree with Maria on this. Jealousy is definitely unhealthy because it's a corrosive force in a relationship. It can be used as a tool to manipulate the other, and I know a couple of very good examples of this kind of relationship and neither partner is very happy in each case. It's pretty toxic, from my experience.

3 ( +3 / -0 )

jealousy is a wasted emotion. it makes you feel bad and doesn't make you any more attractive to the object of you jealousy but does open you to manipulation by them..

2 ( +2 / -0 )

Depends on the level, if someone is acting in a paranoid and controlling manner it is very unhealthy. Some people are born with the trait which may be annoying at times for the other half.

It is similar to nagging which is one of my wifes hobbies, ok if now and then, and i usually deserve anyway. If it bacame constant and i was feeling henpecked it would not be acceptable.

-2 ( +0 / -2 )

a little bit of jealousy and fighting is good in my experience. with my ex, we were never fighting, she was never jealous. until I found the reason, she was relieving the stress by banging other guys. with my present wife, we fight sometimes, we annoy each other sometimes, we are jealous sometimes. but we have a great marriage, a lot of trust, and we both know we can share anything together and frankly say whatever we feel

0 ( +0 / -0 )

A relationship needs no jealousy otherwise it becomes a dishonest relationship and then it isn't a relationship anymore.

1 ( +1 / -0 )

Not really and jealousy definitely has nothing to do with love.

-1 ( +1 / -2 )

No. If the other person can't be trusted, why are you there? Have some dignity, and leave. If they can be trusted, why do you doubt them? If you don't know which it is, then you'd better wait until you do, and err on the siide of trust. Jealousy is not helpful in any way.

1 ( +2 / -1 )

If a partner doesn't show jealousy where a situation calls for it, I would say he or she isn't all that interested in his/her partner to begin with. Showing that you're jealous is IMO a strong way of flattering your partner. I've never had a problem with it. Yes, definitely good for a relationship!

-8 ( +1 / -9 )

Given my relationship resume, I would say that it's not good at all.

3 ( +3 / -0 )

I think most of you are talkin about jealousy as in you think your partner is lying ; A little bit of jealousy I think is healthy ; as in, I would be a bit jealous if my gf wanted to go to some party, but I couldnt go for whatever reason, but other guys would be spending time around her when she is all dolled up nicely ; yeh I would be a little jealous. And it is alright to show a little bit of this jealousy, it lets your partner know you care, you find them attractive and you are certain others will too, just as long as it doesnt manifest itself in a way that hinders their usual freedoms.

1 ( +2 / -1 )

Sure why not. it means you want your partner more, or they you more, or you want to prove yourself to them. Yeah, sure, clinging and controlling aren't cool. But that's not the only definition.

Some of the above posters seem to have a narrow definition of jealousy (and "relationship" for that matter) that comes out of a textbook. Relationshiops are living breathing zinging things, and if everyone's doing what they're " supposed to be doing", likely to be dry and boring.

0 ( +0 / -0 )

Jealousy? But of course. When it comes to things like this, I don't pretend......not when that kawaii J woman is trying to befriend my bf...no way!

0 ( +0 / -0 )

If a partner doesn't show jealousy where a situation calls for it, I would say he or she isn't all that interested in his/her partner to begin with. Showing that you're jealous is IMO a strong way of flattering your partner. I've never had a problem with it. Yes, definitely good for a relationship!

I don't think that jealousy is necessarily attraction, if at all. Or let alone love, I would think that jealous is almost the opposite of love. See, jealousy has to do with what YOU want, not your partner, and ideally, love is about breaking away from that egocentric bubble and truly caring about your partner.

Jealousy is also unreasonable. When you get jealous, you're saying that the ENTIRE WORLD should change and arrange itself as to make yourself less insecure.

I'm not saying that people are never jealous or people are always loving and unselfish. Jealousy obviously serves some purpose, but it's not without its drawbacks, just like anger. Sure you may get angry at your partner from time to time, but if you truly cared about your partner, then you would try not to get angry at him/her.

If you get jealous, then where is the love? Not lust, not mere attraction, but love?

And probably the most important question of all: Will being jealous make you happy? If not, then why be jealous?

0 ( +2 / -2 )

No; never.

0 ( +1 / -1 )

I agree with many of the other posters. Jealousy is an ugly emotion, stemming from insecurity. I've never enjoyed feeling insecure, and I would never enjoy making my partner feel insecure. Does it happen? Sure. Is it "good" for relationships? Never. Jealousy, in even small amounts is toxic. Most people don't know themselves well enough to go looking for the answers to why they are jealous within themselves. It isn't an external mechanism, YOU can't make me jealous, it's something that occurs within me. It is something that has no place in a loving adult relationship. It ranks right there with..."Is a little bit of physical abuse good for a relationship?" It's entirely possible to be madly in love, hopelessly infatuated, and/or burning with desire for your partner without jealousy ever entering the picture. A relationship based on trust works wonders to douse the flames of jealousy, and I suggest those who haven't experienced it before, give it a try. :)

1 ( +1 / -0 )

Netninja- Im not sure where to start on your latest diatribe, but this is a doozy;

. It's because her friend is possessed by your tool and there's a jealousy for that too.

0 ( +0 / -0 )

This is a topic that is hard to explain because everyone experiences jealousy in their lifetime, some stronger than others. All relationships come to an end some quicker than others and for different reasons. Jealousy is just a chapter in the relationship that needs refining. However, in most relationships jealousy can cause arguments, loss of sleep, violent tendencies, loss of appetite, and in the worst cases homicidal tendencies. It's like a virus that can attack any relationship and attaches itself to the heart and is very difficult to cure. Only love and faithfulness can redempt you from jealousy.

0 ( +0 / -0 )

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