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Since the new academic year started in Japan this month, social media posts have appeared from parents struggling with young children who don't want to go to school. What advice would you give them?

17 Comments

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My son has that problem. I just say make them go. That's what my parents did with me.

But it is also important to find out if there is a reason such as bullying or something else going on.

10 ( +12 / -2 )

I used to be one of those kids. My parents still sent me to school but stayed near the classroom window for about a few minutes until the teacher came. This scheme continued for about a week until they said I made friends to which I never looked for my parents.

6 ( +6 / -0 )

Find the reason why the kids don't want to go to school, and if there's anything in the school that makes them feel unwanted there. That should be the first step. Next is to monitor the exposure of your kids to online gaming or social media. It may not be directly related to school, but the evil influence of social media, eg romanticizing stupidity, violence and even suicide, is extremely dangerous.

7 ( +8 / -1 )

How is it even possible for kids to set any rules? They have to go to school, to learn there, to do homework, to show knowledge in classroom tests and that's it. If they don't want to school, that is of course already possible too, but in that case they have to wait for the weekends to come or school closings due to longer holidays. During the year they have already a lot and enough days when they don't have the duty to go to school.

-3 ( +1 / -4 )

First thing to say is that this is now about 1 in 10 in Japan, so three kids in every class at junior high. It is not rare and schools will almost certainly have experience of it. In my opinion, this should mean they will demonstrate understanding, concern, and offer various strategies, but ymmv on that one. They must not make out that your child not attending school is some kind of freak occurrence because that is competely false. They are likely to, but they should not give up on your child either.

If your child struggles to attend school, this means that you will start most days with a big standoff with the child. This is extremely stressful, many parents have to run off to go to work, and without care can get extremely heated, not least because of societal pressure and prejudice over people being too soft on kids. If you find yourself in this situation, remember that the most important thing is to love your child, not to keep up appearances or adhere to some "spare the rod, spoil the child" archaic/braindead view of childraising. Child usually don't attend school due to underlying factors that mean they need support. It is for you the parents to provide it.

2 ( +3 / -1 )

Tell them to man up and go.

We never had any other option as kids.

Unless you're coughing up a lung, you go.

The end.

-4 ( +6 / -10 )

As much as I support, that every child should properly attend school, forcing a bullied child to go might one day leave you with a dead child instead of an educated one. Finding a school your child actually wants to go to is a challenge in Japan, but it might make all the difference in the world.

5 ( +5 / -0 )

Yes, changing schools can make a big difference, to get away from certain kids and certain teachers who turn a blind eye and/or are actually part of the problem.

At my kids' school, it wasn't advertised but was possible to choose which home room the kids went into. By third year JHS, it was obvious which kids were trying to get away from which other kids. It was also clear some parents did not know that such preferences could be stated. They seemed to think it was bad luck that their kids had been put in with the known bullies.

2 ( +2 / -0 )

Tell them to man up and go.

Yes, because the solution to every discipline problem is to tell people not to do it.

"Hey train groper, don't be a pervert!" etc.

4 ( +5 / -1 )

Perhaps the advice is for schools to be more inspiring.

2 ( +3 / -1 )

Vote for people that would support a full educative reform? the problem are not the children but the current way they are being educated.

0 ( +2 / -2 )

My advice... Unless there is a “real reason” apologise to your kid for being a failed parent by bringing up a weakling crybaby.

-3 ( +2 / -5 )

Yeah, man up (little girls?) or call your kid a cry baby. Along that parental way of thinking, do what my stepfather did and beat your kid until he or she wants to go to school to stay away from home as much as possible.

OR -- You could do what my wife and I did. We read to model it for our daughter so that she would want to read herself when she got old enough. We let her play with her friends so that she socialized with the idea of having even more friends in school. We were both teachers and discussed how our classes were doing so that she would also want to experience classroom activity. We talked often about how fun school is so that she would want to see it for herself.

She graduated college at 18 years old and is now running her own business with creative ideas and keeping an eye on the books (and knocking down really good money. We couldn't be prouder.

Of course, you have to want to read and to acclimate your kid, so it might not be possible for people here who would rather want to force it on them because everyone knows kids love to be shoved around.

1 ( +2 / -1 )

There is a reason why kids don't want to go to school. talk to them about it, it will take time but they will tell you if you just LISTEN!???

2 ( +2 / -0 )

Unless there is a “real reason” apologise to your kid for being a failed parent by bringing up a weakling crybaby.

But surely apologising to your kid is a sign of weakness as well. A parent who would characterise their child as a weakling crybaby is not the kind of person who would say sorry.

2 ( +3 / -1 )

It sounds nice, but probably doesn't work for some children/some cases. Especially if they're facing bullying or other problems at school.

OR -- You could do what my wife and I did. We read to model it for our daughter so that she would want to read herself when she got old enough. We let her play with her friends so that she socialized with the idea of having even more friends in school. We were both teachers and discussed how our classes were doing so that she would also want to experience classroom activity. We talked often about how fun school is so that she would want to see it for herself.

0 ( +0 / -0 )

First of all, try to find out why your kid do not want to go to school. Most likely is because of bullying (Japan is one of most bullying country in the world), but can be because of over exhaustion with too many classes, juuku, extra curricular activities, etc.

Pupils in Japan are too much stressed with too much schools and extra activities. They are kids, they should have a proper study/life balance, however Japan is one of the worst countries in the world on this matter. They are just building mindless drones to become salary men, with no personall life.

Is really sad actually.

0 ( +0 / -0 )

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