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What advantages does married life offer in an era of increasing divorce rates?

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Definitely offers benefits both physical and mental. Married people live longer and are healthier than single people.

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Sorry. Don't understand the question. As a child of divorced parents, I just don't believe in divorce. Think a lot of people give up to easily.

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Why is the divorce rate so high in every country anyway? Is it because the passion wears off, the kids grow up and suddenly two partners find they have nothing in common?

Marriage doesn't appeal to me much anymore. When I was younger, I always thought I would get married but now I just don't see any advantage. One can have companionship (and sex) without getting married (it is more fun and erotic, when it is with a new partner).

On my salary in Japan, marriage and a family would keep me broke, anyway.

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I've never believed that oft-repeated claim that married people live longer and are healthier than single people. Married life is much more stressful. You have more financial issues, coping with children growing up and trying to maintain intimacy with your partner.

I remember how shocked I was as a teenager when my mother and father started sleeping in separate beds after 30 years of marriage. Yet I remember seeing photos of them young and obviously in love. Yet here they were now, probably no longer having much of a sexual relationship. After dinner each night, they'd hardly chat. Dad would watch TV while Mom did whatever she wanted to do. Yet, they remained together for 40 years until his death. I often wonder if theirs' could be called a good marriage or not.

I think today we are conditioned by the media to want instant gratification all the time. If we change and our partner doesn't change to accommodate us, then we move on. Unfortunately, I have to admit that is probably how I feel, too.

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The tax breaks. And the visa.

If you're happy, you'll stay together whether you're married or not. If you're not, you won't, whatever the pieces of paper say.

Too many people go into marriage expecting it to be a 50-50 deal, and are unable to cope when they find it has to be a 150-150 deal for it to work and be worthwhile.

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Married life is much more stressful. You have more financial issues, coping with children growing up and trying to maintain intimacy with your partner.

No it isn't. Yes you may have the financial issues and you may have problems with your kids, but there are two of you to cope with things. As for teenagers worrying about what their parents get up to (or not) in bed....teenage brains are 95% sex. What do they know about adult relationships?

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Marriage is and always be what you make of it, just like everything else. Put effort into the marriage, and it will glow and be great. Put nothing into it, then you'll get nothing from it.

The problem these days is that people only see marriage as something they should get something from, not something they have to work at.

As Cleo said;

Too many people go into marriage expecting it to be a 50-50 deal, and are unable to cope when they find it has to be a 150-150 deal for it to work and be worthwhile.>

Marriage isn't always work, but its a life just like a child. nurture it, and it grows and loves you back and it becomes something more. abuse it, and it dies or it'll kill you.

I might sometimes feel wistful about single life, but I would never trade my current married happiness for even the best day as a single man.

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I don't think you should look at marriage as advantages or disadvantages. The problem in Japan is that too many people go into like a practical partnership or because of preset expectations. True elsewhere too.

Marriage needs to be about two people who have decided to formalize their relationship. It needs to be realistic about the challenges that it entails. And it needs to be about accepting a committment that may not always fit individual objectives and will require considerable personal compromise and tenacity to work.

If you can't accept or expect these challenges, then no advantages will matter. You need love, strong friendship, communication, devotion, committment and sacrifice to be your expectations. Nothing else will really matter.

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back whenever...my dad worked. on fridays he gave my mom her weekly salary. moms job was to keep everything at home in great shape so my dad could work. Dad always thought moms work at home was just as valuable as his work outside the home. mom always thought her work at home was just as important as her husbands. they were married for 56 years and were frequently noisy in bed late at night well into their 70's. ( not arguing either). today if a partner looks at you the wrong way, one or the other runs away and looks for something new to eventually run away from. this makes for a very lonesome old age when there is no one left to run away from and no one your able to run to..

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It offers keeping that other half of everything you own.

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Love.

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Actually, I was unmotivated and short-sighted financially, and a bit of a coward until I had my wife's encouragement to get a decent job that really was me.

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I'll just add that I think it's okay for people to not get married. It's a personal choice. To each his own. But for me, it is pure joy. It hasn't always been easy. I made a few years really rough. But I think the key has been 'appreaciation` and 'gratitude'. I view my wife as a true gift. Support one another. Appreciate one another. Enjoy one another.

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Hmm, marriage is fine if you've got the right person. If you don't, looking for her/him is good, but also consider trying to BE the right person for her.

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but also consider trying to BE the right person for her.

What a load of Mills and Boon codswallop! It's a job just like anything else. You either do it well or quit! Divorcees are people who made a choice, which in most cases, was the right choice for them. It's got very little to do with compatibility and more to do with compromise and sacrifice.

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Divorcees are people who made a choice, which in most cases, was the right choice for them.

Not always. I know several who had the 'choice' thrust upon them.

It's got very little to do with compatibility and more to do with compromise and sacrifice.

It's a lot easier to make compromises and sacrifices for someone you're compatible with in the first place. And the more compatible you are, the less a sacrifice seems like a sacrifice.

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You look like a winner to all your divorced, alcoholic friends.

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Whether we are single or married, both are fraught with compromises. The grass always seems to be greener no matter which way we choose. I can tell you that after being married for just over a year and a half, my life has changed more than in the 20 years previous. And I must say that it has been for the better. However, there are still things that I wish I could have or have kept that a single life only has to offer. Of course some people choose to make their cake and eat it too. The biggest compromise of them all.

S

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One advantage marriage has is the chance to get divorced.

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Tax breaks anyone? Surprised nobody's mentioned the financial side of it.

One advantage marriage has is the chance to get divorced.

Absolutely correct.

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People here have lost honor, traditions and they don't care about any commitments like marriage they have became selfcentered, plus when they have kids they don't fight for the well being of the kids they fight just for revenge(85%), plus here after 1 year of living with the love one you are considered as almost the same as married in regard to the law :s Plus again cheating is like "ok", abusing kids kind of "ok" again :( I know, I am from that province and I'm very sad to see what's happening here so I hope that Japanese people won't come to that :( me and my girlfriend are in love. I and she are ready to do what's necessary for our couple to last forever, we are communicating and supporting each other a lot :) and sorry that I can't express myself much better, English is not my first language :slol

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Traditionally, men have wanted wives in order to ensure that the child the woman has is "theirs". To that end, men have treated women like personal property - and had that enshrined in religion (marriage) to scare women into behaving.

Meanwhile, women learnt to fulfill their role in the kitchen and be paid for their work - essentially high-class prostitution (but we can't call it that because it's not "PC". Society still approves the ownership of women by men).

That model is no longer sustainable these days. Most men don't want a slave. Women have equal rights in our societies (with exception of orthodox Islamic states such as Saudi Arabia where women REALLY ARE a man's property). Women these days do not need to tie themselves to a man to get by financially - or prostitute themselves.

There's no reason why two rational people can't decide to have a child together. There is no need for marriage.

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These days, being married for thirty or forty years has become so unusual that it is seen as quaint and interesting...especially if you're still enjoying your life.

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Gosh, less than two years to go and I'll be quaint and interesting!

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romulus got married and enjoyed a very amicable divorce. Now I get along better with my ex wife than before. Really strange that. shes a good mate but made a shocking wife. however she is a great mum and thinks I am a great dad to our kid. probably thinks I made a shocking husband. now we have family outings and enjoy them. really weird. well we stay real close and work together for our childs happiness but the hell with being chained to each other forever. we thought that a joke and gave it up.

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being in a relationship that is committed and having kids is fundamental to life itself. Marraige is the package we use for this experience. Sure it does not always work but not getting married to avoid divorce is like not eating for fear of pinching a loaf sometime later.

Its a good thing when it works. Kids make parents better humans. Take it from someone who was single quite a while, and enjoyed it, before I got married and had kids. Life is better now along many dimensions.

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Good wife is a paradise in the mortal world. Severe problems becomes void by sharing with good wife. All successful men have background either by loving mother or faithful wife. But patience is a prerequisite.

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Marry a beautiful and rich woman and see how much better a husband you can be

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Obviously this question cannot be commented on by people who are not married, cause they wouldnt know.Even the watching of parents who have fallen apart is no example, because most married couples would be able to see where they have gone wrong, as the child can.

Marriage's advantage is that it will save the world. How can the world get along, if we cant even get along in marriage? I dont think it is possible.

Children are an expression of that love; it is not a good idea to endorse the idea that children are property of the mother and father. Why do couples who cant have children, yearn for, or cry over not being able to? Children, also tests our faith in the world, and our ability to be able to get along.

Marry into love and you will see how beautiful and rich you can be, until then, You Will Not Know.

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Strange question. How does being married compared with divorce rates? Don't make sense.

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Children are not an expression of our love in marriage. Research has shown that marriage and subsequent procreation has more to do with ego and mortality acceptance. To create a likeness of ourself that will furnish some continuity for our often short and arguably miserable lives. Whats love got to do with it , nothing! This notion about expressing love is often confused with our natural instinct to simply have sex. Marriage offers sex on tap basically. I am convinced that divorce has more to with how we come together as partners. In some traditional societies or sexually repressed societies marriage partners are simply chosen by the parents. The two people getting married simply have nothing to do with the decision to do so. For whatever reason these marriages seem to last much longer than in other societies. And even after moving to the West with all its influences these unions continue to survive. Perhaps we could learn something there.

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Regular sex for sure, unless you're a japanese salaryman of course where you lover is your company.

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Romulus

Great job on the divorce and finding a way to make a new and difficult stage in a relationship work for all. I mean that seriously. I've always found it unbelievable how horrible people can be to each other during a divorce, especially when children are involved. You and your ex-wife's attitudes are fantastic. I'm happy for you, your ex-wife and your child.

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I'm not particualarly for or against marriage, but most people here seem to have a pretty negative opinions of the "institution". True, in most countries divorce is on the rise, but does that make marriage a bad thing? I think the cause of this is that most people marry for the wrong reasons. A lot of girls I know here in Japan just want to marry, just because they want to marry, which seems kind of silly to me (even my sister back home always used to talk constantly about getting married just because she wanted to). I can hardly imagine many of those marriages being happy and healthy in the long run. I think that kind of marriage is good for making kids, but little else, it won't provide much else for the husband and wife.

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"increasing divorce rates"

This may not be a bad thing. It means fewer people are staying in bad marriages.

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Actually, I think I did a "Hilary" and mispoke myself. In many countries divorce is rising, not necessarily most countries.

"... fewer people staying in bad marriages", and that is not a bad thing is it. If we can terminate an unsatisfactory business or political agreement, we should be able to freely do that same with marriage.

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Its abit of stupid question really, infact it makes zero sense..Marrige is not about stats/rates and comparing with divorcees

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What advantages does married life offer in an era of increasing divorce rates?

Ummm....I'll have to get back to you on that. Geez...er....ahhh....well...how about...no, that's not really an advantage. Let's see...gosh...ummm, frequent sex? Nope - that dries up after a few years.

I'll need a little time here.

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WMD, damn, wish I had a wife like yours. Looking back on it, once we were married, the sex started becoming less and less, and now, I'm just pissed. If it wasn't for my daughter, I may have bailed already. If she was american, I possibly would've anyways, but here, if we divorce, well, I can kiss my little girl goodbye.

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rtrhead1 - I'm in the same boat with you, brotha. I'd leave but my 9 month old son would go back to Japan with her. I've been trying to make it work but you can only do so much and take so much abuse.

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Anyway, first of all you don't get married to get advantages from it so in my opinion that question is pointless!!!

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Maybe 5 out of 20 of my married friends and acquaintances in Japan has a good marriage.

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