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What are the pros and cons of living together with someone before you marry that person?

31 Comments

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pros: in any product it is always good to try before you buy.

cons: sometimes re-stocking fee is more expensive than the product itself.

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It can go both ways. Living together without a real commitment can lead people into ending the relationship over minor issues that otherwise may have been worked through. Then again it does offer a sneak preview of what is to come and so might save some divorce fees.........in the short term.lol.

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answer to both: the test

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All pros, no cons.

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Saves tons in love hotel expenses, although after (bad/unhappy/unfulfilling) marriage, those expenses could return.

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I won't live together before marriage. Reason: I don't want to lose my freedom, don't want to share the household expenses and don't want to end up wearing apron at home like the Japanese women while still having the title 'single woman'....:)

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Depends why the people decide to live together. As a natural progression in their relationship, events moving slightly faster than the paperwork - fine, no problem that I can see.

As a 'trial marriage', so see if they're compatible - nah. It's a false analogy. Living together is to real marriage what playing with dollies is to real parenthood. Nothing like, and being good at one is no indication that you'll be good at the other.

Someone else can make funnies about "the other" being one of the pros of living together.

0 ( +0 / -0 )

Pros: Test of compatability and commitment. Cons: After marriage, nothing really changes.

I will advise my kids to live together before deciding. Any issue will be magnified after years together. There should be no surprises.

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Living together before marriage=the man is the boss.Living together after marriage=she takes over... she asks "where were you?" you say working overtime. she says "thats a lie". you say mmmm?! she says "dont touch me". Then you say, but you never ever asked me or told me such things when we were not married.Then she says,"those were the pros...... after getting you.... welcome to the cons!".

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pros:a good test drive before committing to marriage.

cons:none

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It is definitely a good idea. Specially with j-chicks, they are sweet at first then most become bitter. So this is a great idea. Watch out guys!

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i want my kids to live with their boyfriend/girlfriend before getting married. my husband might not like the idea of our girl living with a guy, but i think "test marriage" is important to see what your chemistry as a couple is really like. also it is a good opportunity to leatn to give each other freedom (if one of them feels like he/she cannot even breathe, it is not a good sign). i lived with my husband for about a year before we got married and we loved coming back to the same house after work and we also had weekends that we did not spend time together. also, we considered my money and his money = OUR money, so instead of renting two apartments, we only had to pay for one, and we could save up the $$ for other things. it is a practice marriage, so how he/she spends money is also a "gotta check" point!

i dont see any cons... perhaps if you live in a super old-fashioned neighborhood or have ultra old-fashioned parents, they might think of it negatively, but to me, who cares! US is more important than THEM in this case.

0 ( +0 / -0 )

Pro - it's a try before you buy deal & and it annoys the self-righteous to no ends.

Con - if it doesn't work out - the self-righteous typically think it gives them automatic bragging rights to say "I told you so."

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Living together before marriage is a good thing for me.I will have all the time to think if this is the right man to be with or not for the rest of my life. It's a sad thing to carry a burden of making the wrong decision and being regretfull in the long run.

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i see only pro, no contra. in fact living together before marriage or living together instead of marriage, imho- it is same things. Brainiac: imho people 30- 40 years ago didnt divorce because mostly women could not support themselves financially

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Living together hmmmmm yea thats o.k

Marrage.........Huh No No this is just an economical arrangement.

Commitment.................I`m as commited as I want to be.

Think carefully before you say ......I DO.......because later you wish you hadn`t

Hahahaha

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how about "skip the marriage" and just live together - if you make it to 10 years - you're considered married under common law, whether you have the marriage paper or not...

0 ( +0 / -0 )

There's no guarantee

Did it once, got married, and 'Ms Right' turned into 'Mrs Right-out-of-her-mind.'

Second time, worked perfectly - well, 7.5+ years into the marriage. ;)

0 ( +0 / -0 )

I used to be against living together before marriage, but no longer. In fact, to me living together without ever marrying is fine. What's more important is that you get along very well together, have profound respect for each other, etc., etc. And you should get to know as much as you can about one another before taking a major plunge like marriage, else it is like a gamble.

0 ( +0 / -0 )

If a couple live together before marriage, they often quite happy together. They get to know the other in a fun way where it's all giggles and play. This is the problem.

After marriage, many people subconsciously expect things to get better or change in some kind of way. And it doesn't. You are the same two people and you two will eventually wake up from the honeymoon dream that you were in. This often ends up making the marriage disappointing and results in stupid arguments.

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I think the difference comes down to expectations. Unmarried couples tend to expect less from each other, whereas married couple's to have higher expectations of each other. - "A man marries a woman hoping she won't change, but she does. A woman marries a man hoping he will change, but he doesn't."

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You get to find out that the other person wears socks in bed before you marry them.

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If by "living together before marriage" you mean simply sharing a house or apartment together, then no problem. If the meaning is having sex before marriage, then no, it is morally wrong. Sex is meant to be within the confines of the marriage relationship, according to the Creator of the Universe.

-1 ( +0 / -1 )

Sex is meant to be within the confines of the marriage relationship, according to the Creator of the Universe

Really? You should have told King David about this, as he had a wife and over 900 concubines. That is three women a day, and then he still wanted a wife from one of his generals and had him killed. The "Creator" was only mildly upset about this. I have seen too many Christians (in the last church I ever will attend in my life) continue in marriages that can be described as TOXIC and hateful. The issue is that people "burn out" on these relationships and it is IMMORAL I think to "make" these people stay together because it is "immoral" to go one's separate ways. Christians are insane and cruel with their concepts of morality. Hey, realist, get some help with your delusion.

0 ( +0 / -0 )

I can't imagine marrying someone without living with him first! That's like buying a car before a test drive!! But I also don't think that you should live with someone with the sole thought of getting married. I suppose if you both know you want kids, you might want to hurry things along but otherwise, why not just move in together and see how it goes without thinking about it too seriously? If you decide that you want to tie the knot after 5 or 10 years, great! Expectations that putting the 'marriage' label on your relationship will somehow make it perfect are very dangerous.

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realist -

If the meaning is having sex before marriage, then no, it is morally wrong. Sex is meant to be within the confines of the marriage relationship, according to the Creator of the Universe.

you really are a "realist", arent you..

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I agree with dolphingirl but I don't agree with the idea of marriage.

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It's a good idea as it makes any subsequent marriage shorter.

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You get to find out that the other person wears socks in bed

Finding out that the other person wears socks in bed is preferable to finding out that the other person has icy cold feet that they want to warm by putting them on your warm bits.

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Living together is fine. Its the marriage after that which is wrong and should be avoided!

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It's a good idea as it makes any subsequent marriage shorter

Bingo! I like the idea of contract marriages--after 2, years, move up to 5, then 7. No divorce. No mess, no recriminations. Spell out EVERYTHING so that the men and women know beforehand what happens at the end, unlike marriage which ALWAYS brings about a conclusion or "settlement" that comes as a surprise.

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