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What are your views on relationships in which one partner is at least 20 years older than the other?

29 Comments

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29 Comments
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My views? My view is that if they love each other, anyone else, including gossipy neighbors and media types, should keep their criticism to themselves and let the couple be happy.

19 ( +20 / -1 )

My heart goes out to those guys, going through a mid life crises, who go through a series of young, pretty women with good figures.

0 ( +4 / -4 )

It used to be quite normal throughout human history until the later half of the 20th century. I know a few couples like this and they seem to have happier and more stable marriages than many other people. I think they clash alot less because they're at different stages in life and have their own priorities.

(I'll leave arranged marriages and mail-order brides as a topic for another day)

8 ( +8 / -0 )

One of my younger sisters married a guy 24 four years older than she is. I was taken aback at first, but like ThonTaddeo says it's up to them and none of anyone's business.

7 ( +7 / -0 )

I suppose this question was asked in view of Rupert Murdoch's engagement to Jerry Hall. I don't think it's a problem if the guy is in his late 40s or 50s and the woman is in her 20s or early 30s, but when a guy is in his 80s and he marries someone 25-30 years younger, it seems doomed, in my opinion. Also, I wonder how come we seldom hear cases of older women marrying much younger men.

0 ( +2 / -2 )

No criticism - as others have said, what others do is their own business.

I do have concerns though, that would make me worry if a child of mind announced that they wanted to marry someone 20 years their senior. In the natural way of things, the older partner will pass on sooner rather than later, meaning the potential for a happy married life is shorter, and time spent in widowhood/widowerhood longer, than if both partners are of a similar age.

And timing is important: a 20-40 match (while raising concerns about the wisdom of marrying at 20, before education is complete and there is close to zero experience of the world) has more chance of providing a long relationship, children, etc., than say, a 30-50 match. Then again, in a 40-60 or later match, it's likely one or both partners is coming from a previous relationship or relationships, and child-rearing is unlikely to be a concern.

The main thing, if you're sure you've found the right person, is to go for it regardless of what those around you may say. But try to put your Mum's mind at rest.

2 ( +4 / -2 )

Cleo

If my twenty year old daughter wanted to date a forty year old man, I'd feel like I failure as a father in some way. "Daddy issues" and all that.

M3M3M3

Normal don't make it good.

-10 ( +2 / -12 )

Black Sabbath - I understand what you're saying. I think parents view their children's partnerships with a different eye to that which looks at the world in general. With that in mind, I will edit the last line of my previous post.

→But try to put your Mum and Dad's minds at rest.

0 ( +2 / -2 )

"My views? My view is that if they love each other, anyone else, including gossipy neighbors and media types, should keep their criticism to themselves and let the couple be happy."

Too right. I'd add the bitchy foreigners who love to meow or hiss when they see a supposedly unattractive non-Japanrse man with a pretty and often younger Japanese woman to your gossipy neighbours and media types.

5 ( +5 / -0 )

I'm 15 yrs older than my wife, so I resemble this. Works for us - 12 yrs and going strong. Had to watch quite a few movies to get her up to speed with certain things but other than a few things like that - she keeps me young!

9 ( +9 / -0 )

Depends on the age of the younger, who should obviously be 'of age', and agreeable to the union. If it's consensual and cards are on the table, then why not? Stephen Fry married a man less than half his age, Joan Collins is married to a man in his 50s, while she is in her 80s. They're all adults.

Child spouses, cultural norms forcing a marriage, and coercement to marry in general, are wrong.

5 ( +5 / -0 )

If its a young guy with an older women, there'd never be any drama. But if its a young girl (who are usually insecure) with an older guy, there'd be a TV episode.

Depends on your preferences. I'd rather have an older woman, but who can pass for 10-15 years younger than her true age.

0 ( +3 / -3 )

Non of my business, neither no-one else's.

6 ( +7 / -1 )

If the couple is happy who am I to judge?

8 ( +8 / -0 )

I'm pretty close to that, and it's going OK. It's not an issue for most people. A couple of the people who sneered at our age gap have since been divorced from their own same-age partners, funny enough.

When one partner is still in his/her 20s, there can be some problems with very different expectations about life. So far as not knowing which rock bands, fashions or movies were hot when I was young, I really don't care. I don't marry someone based on their grasp of nostalgia.

7 ( +8 / -1 )

Provided the youngest member of the relationship is over 20 or so can't really say I personally have an issue with it. Legally I suppose once they are considered an adult/age of consent then its not really anyone else's business.

6 ( +6 / -0 )

Completely fine as long as they love each other and understand the possible hurdles from having such a large age gap

1 ( +2 / -1 )

Kamisama bless the young girls who are into older guys lol

1 ( +3 / -2 )

One of my friends is married to a lady 12 years older than himself. She is a wonderful person, respected & liked by all his friends.

Sometimes idiots who don't know them very well & can't keep their mouth shut give their opinion about their age gap & my friend has become sick of it so he decked the last one.

Problem solved.

7 ( +7 / -0 )

I am 14 years different and see no problems

1 ( +2 / -1 )

People ought to mind their own business.

3 ( +4 / -1 )

I've seen a lot of couples who seemed perfectly happy together even though one was quite a bit older or younger than the other. Love is love.

1 ( +1 / -0 )

I am older more than 50 years than my girl friend.I treat her like my daughter,no problems.

-3 ( +1 / -4 )

Like that 37-yr-old teacher dating 19-yr-old ex-student

0 ( +0 / -0 )

Speaking as a single 55 year old, "Bring on the 35 and under hotties!" ;-)

I'd have had a chance if I had won that lottery. The only way this man could interest someone that much younger is with the universal aphrodisiac, WEALTH.

-1 ( +0 / -1 )

If they are happy, what's the problem?

Having said that: my older sister married a man who was old enough to be her father. They were really in love, and all went well in the beginning, but eventually she had to contend with adult stepchildren who were younger than her and clearly resented her presence. She had a hard time.

Society was not kind, either. A lot of people regarded her as a gold digger, despite the fact that she earned more than her husband.

And then her husband became old and cranky, and basically used her as a nursemaid during his bouts of ill health.

When he died, his "first family" took everything.

She is now a 42-year-old widow with two dependent children, and few prospects in life.

Every time I talk to her, she tells me to be very, very careful about who I marry. I think I'll heed her advice, and steer clear of big age gaps.

-2 ( +0 / -2 )

Hard question. On one hand, age usually gives power, is too big, and coupled with the fact that usually the older party (if the relationship is heterossexual) is male, the assimmetry might be too big, so I try to avoid relationships in which there is a difference of even 5 years or more.

On the other hand, people love other people, and a relationship is not doomed to be unhealthy because of unfavorable factors such as these.

So... I don't know, really.

1 ( +1 / -0 )

Gold diggers. That is all.

-1 ( +0 / -1 )

So, Jerry Hall, what first attracted you to the zillionaire Rupert Murdock?

0 ( +0 / -0 )

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