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'Not paying any dating expenses at all' listed as domestic violence by Japanese gov't agency

38 Comments
By Casey Baseel, SoraNews24

The Gender Equality Bureau is an agency within the Japanese government’s Cabinet Office. As you’d probably expect, one of the issues the bureau is concerned with is domestic violence, and as part of the public awareness materials on the organization’s official website asserts that the definition of “violence” is broader than just the physical variety.

“These are all violence” states a chart on the website which contains four categories. Examples for “psychological violence” include yelling, disrespecting, or ignoring a romantic partner. “Physical violence,” obviously, covers things like punching, hair-pulling, and throwing objects with the intent to harm. The section for “sexual violence” lists scenarios such as coerced intercourse, refusal to cooperate with birth control methods, and forcing a partner to view pornography. Finally, “economic violence” is defined as actions such as using a partner’s money without their permission, or borrowing money but refusing to pay it back.

However, one example of economic violence that the Gender Equality Bureau lists is raising eyebrows and questions online in Japan right now: “Not paying any dating expenses at all.”

While the chart itself doesn’t make any mention of gender, slightly farther down on the same page the Gender Equality Bureau cites statistics that “One in five women has been the victim [of domestic violence] from a romantic partner,” which could give one the impression that the chart is implying that men who don’t pay for dates are perpetrating domestic violence. On the other hand, recent Japanese Twitter reactions such as the ones below show that the chart could also be interpreted as saying that it’s domestic violence for a woman to have a guy she goes out with pay for everything.

“Wait, so does this mean that all woman who say ‘You’re the guy, so you should pay for everything?’ are domestic abusers?”

“There really are a lot of women committing acts of domestic violence then, aren’t there?”

“I know you don’t want to be thought of as a domestic abuser by the Cabinet Office, so please pay half the bill.”

“Does this mean that a girl saying ‘You’re the guy, so you’re supposed to pay for everything’ is the same as a guy saying ‘If you agreed to go on a date, that means you agreed to go to a hotel’?”

The chart itself has actually been on the agency’s website since March of 2018, but this is the second time this year for this particular Gender Equality Bureau example of domestic violence to cause a stir, following another uptick in attention back in the spring. At that time, a representative for the bureau spoke with media outlet J-Cast News to clarify the organization’s position, saying:

“Both men and women can be victims of this kind of violence. Someone not paying for a date doesn’t immediately qualify as domestic violence. Unilaterally forcing the other person to pay is what can be thought of as domestic violence. So depending on the relationship between the two people, it’s a case-by-case sort of situation.”

The representative added “If both sides are OK with it [one person not paying], it’s not domestic violence.” The representative also pointed out that the bureau’s mage of economic violence does include such retroactive financial coercion as “If we’re going to break up, then you have to pay me back for the expensive sushi restaurant I treated you at!”

▼ Once the love is gone, so too is the chance to get paid back for that high-end fish.

Screenshot-2024-12-16-at-13.35.21.png
Image: Pakutaso

So in the end, cheapness alone isn’t enough to make someone an abuser in the eyes of the Gender Equality Bureau, and the litmus test isn’t so much an unwillingness to open one’s own wallet as it is trying to force someone else to open theirs. With the chart’s current phrasing having already caused some confusion multiple times, though, it seems like a rewrite of that part might be in order.

Source: Gender Equality Bureau Cabinet Office, Twitter/@sumomodane via Hachima Kiko, J-Cast News

Read more stories from SoraNews24.

-- Sexual harassment poster from Japanese government draws criticism for seemingly taking men’s side

-- Roughly 40 percent of single Japanese men in their 20s have never been on a date, survey says

-- Survey says more than 70 percent of Japanese people think gender inequality exists in Japan

© SoraNews24

©2025 GPlusMedia Inc.

38 Comments
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There seems to be a lot of free time at the Gender Equality Bureau…

12 ( +29 / -17 )

Just asking a woman on a date is now dangerous. No wonder women cannot find a partner. Women seem to have closed the door to men, only to find that they cannot open it agin when they change their mind. Good luck spinsters!

11 ( +25 / -14 )

A good example of the stupid stuff we’re going to see from the the department of gender equality.

8 ( +20 / -12 )

Definition of stupidity this bureau and the worst, we are paying for this useless.

-3 ( +9 / -12 )

Imagine a women coming home, and she has to hand all her money over to her husband. The wife has to ask him for some money when she wants it. Sometimes she has to hide her money from the husband. She has no control over her own money.Maybe he take the bank books. This would be defined by a women as financial abuse and controlling behavior. Now change the roles/gender around. Men were expected to hand over their pay, and pay for everything. While the women secretly skim off money from the accounts and put it in their secret account. The man was expected to get some “pocket money” while the wife got control of everything else. Financial abuse is what women have been doing for decades and it was deemed socially acceptable. The manly thing to do.

AlbertToday  07:05 am JST

Domestic violence and not paying are two differences 

You can't do anything without considering if it is a form of violence or harassment.

Same with the genders.

No this is abuse. I knew men who took every penny that the women earned and she had to ask for every penny. It leads to fear, worry and is very controlling. Also these women had to account for every penny. If it wasn’t for a police officer and a hospital, she and her children wouldn’t have escaped such an over controlling partner. This article may start out about making men pay for everything but this can also be part of a dating system and we’ve seen men and women scammed by so called girlfriend/boyfriends. It can even extend into the marriage/relationship itself.

However I do think you’re right in some aspects. Every thing is now become it’s abuse. Getting angry, shouting, and now not talking is abuse. Yes not nice! But which couple sit down as though they’re in a counselling office discussing their family, financial, sex problems in an unemotional way. So if you shout your damned if you ignore your partner and shut up your dames. I did notice passive aggressive is NOT on the list of abuse. Now we can say anything to a judge and suddenly you’re now an abuser. How long have women been giving men the silent treatment? Anyway the word violence in the article is wrong. Financial abuse! Yes. Violence it is not! Is this another Americanism of over stretching the meaning of certain things to the extremes.

8 ( +10 / -2 )

I am a victim of economic domestic violence.

3 ( +8 / -5 )

Reading the bureau's idiotic take is also a form of violence.

3 ( +10 / -7 )

This is new to me, economic violence also means refusal to chip in huh? In that case, lots of women will be considered as domestic abusers. That, or the guy can always just say upfront that the date will be split even. If they can't agree, then that's that.

4 ( +4 / -0 )

Only a fool would allow this to happen to him or her.

Fool me once, fool me twice, and you are out, the rule is men in many societies are expected to pay for the first date out of respect, the second date she better attempt or even show intent and if that doesn't happen SHE IS OUT.

3 ( +4 / -1 )

In my generation men paid always and everything, unasked and not feeling any violence. If then later the girl or woman also paid one time, that was a big honor and a loud yes. Ok, admitted, those were times when the monthly income was more than sufficient and a man could afford partner, family, house, car and long holiday trips. Now the times have changed and both genders earn the same low nothing and many can barely afford to feed even only oneselves.

5 ( +7 / -2 )

Only a fool would allow this to happen to him or her.

I think you are missing the point. The whole purpose of laws to protect against domestic violence, is that the weaker partner is usually unable to push back. I completely agree with you on your stance though, I will pay if I want to pay. I will not pay if someone "expects" me to pay.

3 ( +4 / -1 )

If she don,t paid half, my car turns into a Uber ride share car on the way home.

-2 ( +4 / -6 )

Japan has gone mad.

-5 ( +4 / -9 )

Even though I like when men take the lead on things like this, as a women I don't mind bill splitting first time dates to be the norm. It helps weed out the guys looking to just get laid. I find that a lot of Japanese men are thinking I pay now ( for food) and she pay me later ( with sex). I would rather give my one days work of cash for a fun night out to get to know the person then have my body be used like a cumdumpster. Its more valuble then some cash I can remake the next day. I wish more modern day people could agree on an even split, get to know the person and refuse one night stands - or any sex at all until months into a relationship at the least.

-1 ( +4 / -5 )

kurisupisuToday  06:51 am JST

There seems to be a lot of free time at the Gender Equality Bureau…

Yeah, I thought they'd be busy trying to actually find any inequality.

1 ( +3 / -2 )

Only in Japan…

-6 ( +4 / -10 )

Confused to the power ten, Can somebody pls check the jpn version of the doc. I support anything regarding prev of dom violence. what if as normal for me g/f takes the tab on her s/p (I do not pay a tip to staff) then partake in a shared 'tip' once we get home??? Will the bureau require me to fill in an on-line Q the next morning . I reckon someone at JT got a beef with wife? lost it in the translation??

-2 ( +0 / -2 )

There are several problems with this list.

Ignoring someone is hardly domestic violence.

Disrespecting someone, well, define disrespect. This isn't domestic violence.

This list is offensive in parts.

5 ( +5 / -0 )

Does this mean that the.Don Juan of Kishu (RIP) was actually Japan's most abused man? ;)

4 ( +4 / -0 )

I'm a victim of "taxation violence". 'They' take it from me without showing where or how it is used (zero accountability). But I have to show evidence of everything I make and spend so 'they' can take as much tax from me as possible. Isn't that also an abusive relationship?

4 ( +7 / -3 )

I fact The Gender Equality Bureau is right on in a general way good as long as it does not get out of hand.

0 ( +1 / -1 )

How can the government entertain stupidity and foolishness its even disrespectful to both parties on the definition at best.

0 ( +3 / -3 )

Good times in my little, snowy capital of less than half a million people where it was completely acceptable to bring your date to dine at Saizeriya, stop by the big Don Quijote (a must for everyone going out on a saturday night in that city), lunchboxes by the river, drive all the way up to watch the city lights from the top of a small mountain..... manga-like simple life still exists in other parts of Japan.

Try asking someone out in Tokyo and bring her to Jolly Pasta before enjoying the night, she will disappear before the ravioli is served

3 ( +3 / -0 )

Even though I pay 90% of the time i find myself in stitches over this...rofl...which woke

dude nothing to do with woke! But financial abuse has been done for years. By both genders. But women should be expected to work full time and pay half. I can understand when they get married, and have kids. But in this day and age, with gender equality, she should atleast, the bare minimum, just out good manners and respect, to atleast offer to pay. Nothing worse than a women who sits at home, and tells her husband to work more, so More overtime and hand over the bonus and still have the nerve to say. “He doesn’t help around the house or with childcare” you can’t have your cake and eat it. Or how about, I only want to work part time, then complain to their partner there isn’t enough money.

3 ( +3 / -0 )

The Japanese Government:

We need to increase the birth rate to reverse population decline.

Also the Japanese Government:

We need to have every romantic interaction between the sexes contractually agreed upon to ensure that neither party will become legally liable.

Way to take away the spontaneous nature out of romantic relations Japan. Thanks. So much for the home grown Japanese population.

This world is the divine comedy. Truly. No need to wait for the afterlife.

-1 ( +2 / -3 )

Good times in my little, snowy capital of less than half a million people where it was completely acceptable to bring your date to dine at Saizeriya, stop by the big Don Quijote (a must for everyone going out on a saturday night in that city), lunchboxes by the river, drive all the way up to watch the city lights from the top of a small mountain..... manga-like simple life still exists in other parts of Japan.

I'm guessing that's Hakodate, but you still need a car. Unless you're going in her car.

My missus said I was the first bf she'd had without a car. I think we went to Pom no Ki on our first date, that or a similar place doing omu rice. You just need to tune in to what ladies like, not necessarily what is expensive.

1 ( +1 / -0 )

No this is abuse. I knew men who took every penny that the women earned and she had to ask for every penny. It leads to fear, worry and is very controlling. Also these women had to account for every penny. If it wasn’t for a police officer and a hospital, she and her children wouldn’t have escaped such an over controlling partner. 

@Abe234 is spot on at what the guidance is getting at. What the article does, and most comments above, is pick one line, entirely out of context, and make it seem like that is on its own a symptom of abuse. It is not, it is one sign, among a multitude of other factors, that can point to abuse through financial control.

I know of a stay at home mother that did not get any of her husband's salary, and he was quite well-paid. She could barely afford a cup of coffee.

In this dating example, you could have a couple where one insists the other pays for everything, and orders things that they other cannot afford but has to pay for. It is about power and control.

It is not about paying for your date's 2000 yen dinner.

1 ( +1 / -0 )

We need to have every romantic interaction between the sexes contractually agreed upon to ensure that neither party will become legally liable.

Way to take away the spontaneous nature out of romantic relations Japan. Thanks. So much for the home grown Japanese population.

This world is the divine comedy. Truly. No need to wait for the afterlife.

A good example of how readers have misunderstood the guidance and how it relates to financial abuse.

-1 ( +0 / -1 )

Isn’t it an unspoken rule in Japan for men if you want to increase your chance of getting lucky on your first date, to foot the entire bill? Then get married and hand your salary to your wife each month and loose all semblance of financial independence? It’s a redundant question but the answer is, yes.

1 ( +2 / -1 )

> 'Not paying any dating expenses at all' listed as domestic violence by Japanese gov't agency

What we've just read is one of the most insanely idiotic things we have ever read.

Everyone on this website is now dumber for having read it.

1 ( +1 / -0 )

I guess according to this bureau I suffered years of domestic abuse by tens of women during my dating career in Japan. I wonder if I can seek compensation.

-1 ( +2 / -3 )

Does this mean I can sue my wife?

0 ( +3 / -3 )

Silly definitions like this lessen the gravity of actual violence.

1 ( +1 / -0 )

Nibek32Today  09:16 pm JST

Does this mean I can sue my wife?

Only if we wish to get a divorce. Now when the women says “but he shouted at me” the husband should say “but she took all my money, and I had to beg for picket money” and she “would ignore me”. And you might want to add. She forced me to watch pornography “ “I had no choice your honor” lol cause you live in a sexless marriage. I had no other choice! This is not meant to be serious but a reflection of normal life of a married man married to a Japanese wife. lol. ( it’s kinda tongue in cheek) lol Us men are being forced to do lot against our will. Omg…. Could this be the beginning of TOXIC FEMINISM.

but seriously. Men are always labeled when we do or say something wrong as TOXIC MASCULINITY, but is it possible that there is such a thing as women who have TOXIC FEMININITY.mmmm.(thinking sound)

1 ( +1 / -0 )

Hmmm... Following this way off thinking, does this mean when I eat lunch with my boss and they don't pay, it could be considered as パワハラ?

0 ( +1 / -1 )

They'll break rules for Chads for awhile, or for as long as it takes. Thing is, it's not just men. Or solely that women are the victims. Believe it or not, a woman can go real crazy, and use objects to abuse her partner. Or that a man can use also a fist, or economic violence to withhold, just as a female can do so. A female is more covert and subversive in terms of how controlling and abusive she can be and THAT is a biological, evolutionary fact. Most women want to get their power, and more, and men of course, defend the women- due to biological imperatives. But not all males are capable of abusive acts of violence, be it if they're small or big. It depends on the male, female, the environmental circumstances they're brought up in. It's not a justification, but rather a inevitability of what comes after that cycle they're brought up in.

I can tell you, women can be far more abusive and evil than men can be with a punch. Because even though you can physically harm your victim, mentally harming their soul and their mind is much, much more irreparable. Men are overt of course, and they can be controlling, but a certain percentage of men can be as socially apt as the most vile of the females that are controlling. There's no true right or wrong, because a victim can in fact be the real aggressor, and the aggressor CAN be the victim. It is dependent on the evidences, circumstances etc. As a man, unfortunately our one-sided dichotomy has not changed. You've got to foot the bill. To ensure you're seen as a good provider. But you can also change that dynamic. Not everything's a one-way street today, we've got advancing technologies, A.I, etc. I could pay as much as I can, but in the end, what's the use? If nothing's given back?

0 ( +0 / -0 )

Same as a woman. We keep what we get, and when we do trust each other, we give to each other. And sometimes, both have to give, ironically, even when they don't trust each other.

0 ( +0 / -0 )

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