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36% of single Japanese women more positive about marriage since March 11 disaster: survey

66 Comments

A survey conducted by Recruit online through its wedding magazine Zexy shows that 36% of single Japanese women have become more positive about marriage since the March 11 disaster.

The survey found that more unmarried or engaged women have changed their mind about marriage, with many respondents commenting that marriage would help them cope with uncertainty in life post-tsunami.

Zexy said on its website that 180 women responded to the Internet survey. Of several options, a total of 36% of respondents said that they “are thinking more seriously about marriage” or “have begun thinking about marriage” since the disaster.

Commenting on the results, the magazine’s feature editor said: “I think a lot of those we surveyed thought, ‘If I had a husband, he would certainly contact me if something were to happen and that makes me feel more secure.’”

The magazine also found that the average price of wedding ceremonies has risen by over 200,000 yen since the disaster. The magazine speculates that may be associated with greater efforts to present a perfect ceremony amid the somber national mood.

© Japan Today

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I guess as the saying goes, you never know how good something is until it's too late and say, your husband gets killed in an earthquake, tsunami etc..right?? I am still alive, I would god if I believed in he/she/them. Maybe from all of the pain and suffering of March 11th a few good things can come out such as Japanese wives appreciating their husbands a bit more. I know that at least during the quake, my Japanese wife was about to cry, I told her to calm down and just go outside to an open field in front of our house here in Tokyo, while I was doing my thing on the royal throne, and it was not number 1, but right in the middle of number 2! Now we just laugh, my wife says the whole neighborhood ran out side, and me?? Well too busy on the royal throne, TOIRE, as our Japanese amigos call it, but we must look at things bright side, maybe, just maybe, the whole mess with Tokyo electric, the radiation etc..can help us CHANGE?? Yes, change our attitude towards NUCLEAR ENERGY?? I know my Japanese wife really, really HATES Tokyo Electric and so do I, and we love each other, our kids, our lives so ganbarimashou! IMNSHO.

0 ( +4 / -4 )

Talk is cheap.

0 ( +4 / -4 )

Wait til they are married for a while and their husbands don't come home until late and start grunting commands from the dinner table when they do come home a decent hour.

-2 ( +6 / -8 )

Worse yet! Wait until the husband actually wants SEX more than once or twice a year!

12 ( +14 / -2 )

Wanting to get married so that someone calls you in times of trouble..? That's bizzarre....I don't know what to make up of marriage in this country. Pure convenience?

Anyway, out of 10 J women I talked to.. 9 want to marry rich men ..I wonder what would happened to the middle class salarymen

3 ( +6 / -3 )

So 64% of single Japanese women still couldnt give a crap? Why is this news?

2 ( +6 / -4 )

Sorry Nicky and Seesaw, but I really think you all are looking at Japan through your Western Valued lenses, marriage should be out of LOVE etc..which in Japan and many other parts of Asia, well love comes and goes but $$$$ ah we all need $$$ and most Japanese women understand that almost from birth, so it may seem low to only want to get married to some rich guy for the sake of economic security and NOT for SEX not for LOVE as our Christian, Judeo backgrounds in Western countries raised us to believe, but I maybe wrong, any Japanese wives here to comment, Blue Witch etc..??

1 ( +3 / -2 )

After the March 11th earthquake and tsunami, the number of marriages went up considerably. Since then the number of divorces have also increased. I guess a lot of people thought it might be better to get married and have a partner, but after a short while, they didn't like it, and have already gotten divorced. I don't have the stats, but they were in the news a while back.

2 ( +2 / -0 )

Two big things women want from a marriage: security(safety) and company.

But Japan is one of the safest countries in the world, so they already had security, and so crowded that they do not want for company, as in a husband and children.

But the earthquakes, tsunami and continuing nuke crisis changed their perspective on security. And there is nothing wrong with security being one of the reasons to marry. Anyone saying otherwise is young, foolish and inexperienced, or perhaps just not very intelligent.

1 ( +1 / -0 )

Anyone saying otherwise is young, foolish and inexperienced, or perhaps just not very intelligent.

Or perhaps older experienced, intelligent and able to support themselves and be responsible for their own security and happiness rather than depending on someone else for it.

I have never said that getting married for security is a bad thing to do so I dont know where you and Elbuda are getting that from - but why is getting married for love such a foolish thing to do? Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesnt, but I would still rather take a chance and work at it than be stuck my whole life with someone I dont love and having affairs left right and centre. If that makes me young, foolish, inexperienced and unintelligent - so be it. Ill be happy though.

0 ( +4 / -4 )

Ive been dating my girlfriend of 10 years now, engaged for 5 but we have been to lazy to get married, we a 2 yr old set of twin girls, were so happy with hiromi and sophia

1 ( +3 / -2 )

I have never said that getting married for security is a bad thing to do so I dont know where you and Elbuda are getting that from

One- I was not talking to you.

Two- I said security was one of the reasons, not the only one. I did not say anything against love also being a reason. Please, that mistake is so elementary, its elementary school! When I said young, foolish and inexperienced it seems you took it personal.

0 ( +3 / -3 )

Woman is insecure in any ware not only when it is a Tsunami or Dishin. Man's prime responsibility is to protect the Family. all time...

-1 ( +1 / -2 )

Perhaps these women dont know about the new divorce type that came from the tsunami "divorce due to natural disaster" - wherein the husband ditches the family in favor of taking care of his birth parents in their home town. Ah well... they'll figure it out eventually.

0 ( +0 / -0 )

"Papa_will_preachOct. 23, 2011 - 09:39AM JST

Two big things women want from a marriage: security(safety) and company.

But Japan is one of the safest countries in the world, so they already had security, and so crowded that they do not want for company, as in a husband and children."

I still laugh when I see people claiming Japan is so safe. It must be nice to be able to screen out negative news or stuff thats happening right in front of you and completely ignore it all whilst inside that fantasy safe bubble =)

-4 ( +1 / -5 )

When I said young, foolish and inexperienced it seems you took it personal.

Nope, only the bit about "young"! You need to chill Papa - its Sunday morning! I only meant that it is not fair to think people are foolish if they don`t consider security a good reason for marriage. I misread what you said - dont take it personally though!

2 ( +4 / -2 )

I still laugh when I see people claiming Japan is so safe.

Then you must not be smiling now since I did not say that Japan was so safe. I said it was safer than most countries, as statistics and living here shows, at least from safer from crime and violence.

The closest I ever got to seeing a real gun here in Japan was some empty shotgun casings I found by a country lane. Back home I had a gun in my face hovering over a cash register.

It must be nice to be able to screen out negative news

It must be nice to be ignorant of statistics and to believe a newspaper contains all the negative news that happened that day. As they say, ignorance is bliss!

4 ( +4 / -0 )

Jared, getting married is just a matter of going to the local government office and signing some papers, I believe. You have kids and you and your eternal date can't manage to make it legal? Time to get on it, don't you think? Sort of laughing, sort of annoyed.

0 ( +1 / -1 )

Zexy is a bridal magazine, most people who access their site is only interested in marrying. Only 180 responded and they talk as though this applies to all of Japan. As to the average price of a wedding ceremony, it's 3,567,000 YEN according to Zexy.

1 ( +1 / -0 )

@Elbuda Mexicano

Sorry Nicky and Seesaw, but I really think you all are looking at Japan through your Western Valued lenses, marriage should be out of LOVE etc..which in Japan and many other parts of Asia, well love comes and goes but $$$$ ah we all need $$$ and most Japanese women understand that almost from birth, so it may seem low to only want to get married to some rich guy for the sake of economic security and NOT for SEX not for LOVE as our Christian, Judeo backgrounds in Western countries raised us to believe, but I maybe wrong, any Japanese wives here to comment, Blue Witch etc..??

You know where I stand, my dear friend, I married my BELOVED husband over the most important thing: Emotional Support. We both had past relationships from HELL, especially him..a marriage of 8 years with a filthy gold digger that all she wanted was his whole salary and wouldn't even let him go to the hospital when sick. All money money but NOT Love and support. Fortunately she is history and I AM his present and future and 4 kids to prove it. We met under very amazing circumstances while seeking support. And now we are together. and the support has always been there for each other. Love and Support. Of course the fact that we are both "super spicy" is a godsend!

Money is important for essentials like FOOD, baby clothes, hospital, FOOD, etc. Honestly, I don't mind buying myself something nice like a new obijime (kimono sash cord) or perhaps a new pair of printed tabi (socks used for kimono) at a reasonable price once in a big while... but I'm not fond of shopping really. I don't know, maybe I'm weird, I don't really like spending that much in my self, I have enough at home and I really lack space in my drawers and wardrobe. And if I buy something I usually don't spend more than 5,000 yen.. It's a habit I have since I was young. I value money very much to waste it in unnecessary things. Husband brings me plenty of food and the fridge is always full. I am forever grateful. We always have FOOD to eat and that's a blessing because in many other countries people don't have much to eat, children and babies can go days without eating in some parts of Africa. So yeah, why the HELL am I gonna waste 300,000 yen on a stinkin' Fur coat or Louis Vuitton Bag while children in other countries die? No Thank you. Materialism is a MONSTER~~

7 ( +11 / -4 )

Elbuda Mexicano: no wonder I also see many Japanese women have extra marital affairs ...all for financial security ? Wow! That's awesome way of life ! honestly, I don't mind to stick to my Western values....:)

0 ( +2 / -2 )

Jared, getting married is just a matter of going to the local government office and signing some papers, I believe.

I believe getting married has nothing to do with the government. Its between the two people, and no one else. The government does not declare a marriage, they only register one. If Jared started calling his partner his wife, I would not have one word to say against it unless his partner objected. Sounds like a marriage to me.

Besides, if there were ever any legal problems, it would be called a common law marriage by the court anyway. To heck with the beaurocrats and their pieces of paper and pencil pushing. Jared lives like a married man. He is married. He should clarify that with himself and his partner though.

All that said, I bet the numbers of women who would now like to have this sort of unofficial marriage has also gone up. I know a super single female who was staunchly independent and she has changed her mine too, at least partly with my advice. Too many see marriage as a ball and chain, but actually, marriage is at least half what you make it. You are not selling all your freedoms.

0 ( +1 / -1 )

Marriage itself nowadays is only another bureaucratic paper that guarantees you life insurance and pension. You don't need to be married to have emotional support, love and trust.

3 ( +5 / -2 )

Jared, getting married is just a matter of going to the local government office and signing some papers, I believe.

Theoretically yes but in pratice - well, I am assuming Jared is not Japanese and his partner is - when my husband and I got married we had to complete 16 separate documents, draw maps to our apartment from the ward office, provide photographic evidence of our "times spent together", get guarantor signatures from his parents and a whole raft of other stuff. Once we had gathered everything together the ward office guy stamped it and bam - we are married. But getting all that stuff together in the first place was a nightmare and if Jared and his wife can avoid it and dont care too much about koseki tohon and the like and their kids technically being legally "fatherless" - fair play to them. No big deal to me, and no big deal in most countries I know of, but here in Japan as I understand it, it can cause many problems in the future. That is why so many dekichatta kekkon.

0 ( +1 / -1 )

@Foxie

Marriage itself nowadays is only another bureaucratic paper that guarantees you life insurance and pension. You don't need to be married to have emotional support, love and trust.

Very very true, honey. I say I'm married to him because we live in the same house and we have children... But...I never said that I am married LEGALLY...hehehe I did have a wedding ceremony in a shrine but that was it. If you love that person and the union is so strong that you feel like married, isn't that enough? Adding a "paper" doesn't make things better in my honest opinion.

1 ( +3 / -2 )

Historically marriage wasn't about love. It still isn't here. I don't know. Does it make me a cow for rolling my eyes at the little women here wanting "security" and a "bank machine" out of marriage? Perhaps. I get sick and tired of the Japanese guys always being the "bad" one in the marriages here when I see things very differently.

Has anyone bothered to ask how the men of this country feel about marriage after March 11th? Of course not. No one cares what the men here think when it comes to this stuff - which is why you have so many loveless/sexless marriages. What benefit do the men get? Cooking, clean, laundry... can all be done by paying someone. So can sex. The only benefit I see for them is kids. And even them, they don't see them all that much due to the pathetic working environment and schooling here.

5 ( +6 / -1 )

Two people who choose to join their lives together and commit themselves to the relationship can be considered married as I see it. No one needs a piece of paper to define it.

However it is unfortunate that we have to have a piece of paper to define that commitment as there really is no viable alternative.

Marriage is about many things, and different for everyone as well, love, security, companionship, money, sex, children, what ever. It's between the two individuals and in a perfect world it's no one else's business either. But sadly we don't live in Utopia now do we. For me I am and have been married for over 25 years to the same woman. Has it been great? Some days. Is it crappy? Yeah that too. But it's our acceptance of who each of us are that keeps us together.

Let each person choose for themselves and give them the respect due for their opinions, whether you agree or not.

0 ( +0 / -0 )

I would say this is proof that Misery Loves Company!

0 ( +1 / -1 )

Nicky, I just (re)married two weeks ago, and I needed one paper from the embassy saying I'm single, and the application form we submitted to the ward office (with my seal, her seal, and the seal of two friends). and half an hours ago, we were officially married.

0 ( +0 / -0 )

engaged for 5 but we have been to lazy to get married

Too lazy to get married, but not too lazy to procreate. Congrats.

5 ( +5 / -0 )

Nicky all that paperwork is odd, only thing I wud guess is that your from a country that has many cases where the foreign spouse has married to get into Japan & work, ie fake marriages

at least you got past it!

0 ( +0 / -0 )

Historically marriage wasn't about love. It still isn't here. I don't know.

I doubt the first two statements but not the last.

0 ( +0 / -0 )

@GW - Im from England, so I may be wrong, but I dont personally know of any British women marrying to get visas. Hmm - that is strange. I WANT to know now!!!! What was it about ME that they thought I was faking it??! Or even more interestingly - what was it about HIM??!! (ha ha ha!)

Maybe as timeon just recently married and had no problems, it is because I got married nearly 10 years ago and things have changed since then? Or maybe it is different if a foreign woman marries a Japanese man, rather than the other way around? Or maybe simply a geographical thing (we got married in Kawasaki) and maybe different wards have different rules?

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Presto, you might want to check your facts before posting. Marriage historically was never about love - hence arranged marriages. Go on, prove me wrong.

1 ( +2 / -1 )

damn!

0 ( +0 / -0 )

Thanks, everyone, for excellent comments.

OK, perhaps official marriage between Japanese and non-Japanese is more difficult. More papers to sign. Still, once there are kids, I really think parents should make it official. Obvious benefits are pensions, insurance, I guess. And, just less hassle. And, why not? Jarad, any reason NOT to fill in those documents? Won't it make the kids more secure, and they don't have to answer endless questions from schools, school mates, and later employers, about why their parents were never married? I'm not doubting your emotional commitments at all. You've got it all but really, shouldn't you finish the wrapping on the package?

1 ( +1 / -0 )

no wonder I also see many Japanese women have extra marital affairs ............................

ok, is this true or just some gaijin's wishful thinking ?

1 ( +1 / -0 )

@Nicky, wow, you had it easy. Once we had gathered everything together the ward office guy stamped it and bam - we were married...for 2 weeks. Then immigration called us to tell us that our marriage was invalid. Didn't get much help from the embassy either and my tourist visa was about to expire. I had to get the whole laws about marriage of my country translated into Japanese by an official translator and 20 years ago there weren't many who could translate French into Japanese. Anyway, it cost a lot of money and effort to get it done. 3 years later I wanted to renew my visa and guess what, it got denied because we were now under suspicion of fake marriage with officers showing up at our neighbors investigating us.

1 ( +2 / -1 )

Still, once there are kids, I really think parents should make it official. Obvious benefits are pensions, insurance, I guess. And, just less hassle. And, why not? Jarad, any reason NOT to fill in those documents? Won't it make the kids more secure, and they don't have to answer endless questions from schools, school mates, and later employers, about why their parents were never married? I'm not doubting your emotional commitments at all

You do realise that these hassle don't exist in many other countries, right? Many developed nations recognize "common law" spouses from health care, pension, property law... What business is it of the schools to know if someone's parents are married? Does it affect their job in educating kids if the parents aren't married? Nope. Why does the employer need a piece of paper? Oh right because in Japan if you don't have one, your partner doesn't exist. Japan has forced the idea of marriage when expecting which has lead to many unhappy "dekichatta" marriages. How is that good for the kids? Due to this, many parents who should be divorced won't because of the stigma they and their children will face. Not exactly secure for the parents nor the kids.

1 ( +1 / -0 )

Thanks Nicky and Blue Witch and Seesaw! By the way my wife is Japanese don't speak a lick of english nor spanish but we do love each other and me being from Mexico well love is Real important!! Only $$$?? The heck with that!! No loyalty?? No way!! So Japan maybe different but deep down inside my guess we are the same in many ways. IMHO

1 ( +1 / -0 )

Most single Japanese women who are looking for husbands have a vastly unrealistic expectations in terms of a husband's salary. Only a small fraction of marriageable men make the salary the women feel would be adequate to meet their needs. I teach at a women's college and when I ask students to list their requirements for a marriage partner, keizairyoku is always on top by a wide margin. Few to none mention love. When I suggest they work hard, get rich, and then marry the bloke that most tickles their fancy, they either laugh or question my sanity.

2 ( +3 / -1 )

"vastly unrealistic expectations", that is. Cut the "a".

0 ( +0 / -0 )

Wow Foxie- looks like I got off lightly!

1 ( +1 / -0 )

Nicky we both have japanese decent my partner is full and from japan i am half 1/4 yamato 1/ 4 okinawan so thats so bad. We just aren't interested in doing all of the immigration paper work. For the time, a relationship works well.

0 ( +0 / -0 )

Presto - being American and getting married in Japan is tough even if you have some japanese decent. I honestly do not understand the need for family cards, the government should just worry about restructuring japan, i might be nisei but why do they care about who my mom is, love her i love my g/f and my girls very much but GOJ should just stay out of it.

0 ( +0 / -0 )

It is also true that divorce rate is increasing after 3.11. It is called "Shinsai-rikon"

*husband escaped leaving his wife and children instead of saving them

*wife is overacting toward the radiation, she wants to move somewhere else but husband doesn't want to/can't.

2 ( +3 / -1 )

only 180 responded, not much of a reliable survey then.

1 ( +1 / -0 )

@tmarie

Historically marriage wasn't about love. It still isn't here. I don't know. Does it make me a cow for rolling my eyes at the little women here wanting "security" and a "bank machine" out of marriage? Perhaps. I get sick and tired of the Japanese guys always being the "bad" one in the marriages here when I see things very differently.

Has anyone bothered to ask how the men of this country feel about marriage after March 11th? Of course not. No one cares what the men here think when it comes to this stuff - which is why you have so many loveless/sexless marriages. What benefit do the men get? Cooking, clean, laundry... can all be done by paying someone. So can sex. The only benefit I see for them is kids. And even them, they don't see them all that much due to the pathetic working environment and schooling here.

This is gotta be one of the most brilliant posts I've encounter in a long time regarding a man's basic rights.. Time to open the eyes and see the reality. People need to understand that not ALL men are having affairs, drinking their money or just bumming around. There are plenty of good honest decent men who really work hard and LOVE and RESPECT their women. Men that are so beautiful inside, you know? Men that are devoted entirely to their families. Women that marry over money security and on top of that provide no pleasure to their husband are nothing but SCUM to me. Those women deserve to be alone. Those women give us the "good" ones a very bad image. Damn!

2 ( +2 / -0 )

Oh, BlueWitch, you must be talking about my angel husband. He must have the most beautiful heart in the world.

0 ( +1 / -1 )

I gave up on relationships.. now I just rent for 15-30 minutes and leave. Tired of the games.

0 ( +3 / -3 )

Personally, I like bad boys in uniform<3<3<3

1 ( +1 / -0 )

realdoll-LOL!

0 ( +0 / -0 )

@realdoll:

that is sad but I dont blame you in the slightest. I was exactly where you are too when I met my husband! Had enough of the games and BS, no intention of settling down, and if I need a man just pick one up temporarily. But then I met him and everything changed. There ARE good people out there. Hope one of them comes your way. x

1 ( +1 / -0 )

Well, it seems to me that me, Foxie, Bluewitch and tmarie are all happily married in Japan and we must represent about 50% of the women on here - so if JT published the results of a survey they would find "50% of women in Japan are happily married" - so J men cant be that bad after all!

2 ( +2 / -0 )

Bluewitch, I wouldn't have married my husband if he didn't respect me! i have to tell my students that Japanese men WILL help around the house, will help with kids - if the women works. If she doesn't? Why should he? She decided her roll is the house and so it should be.

There are many, many wonderful men in this country and I have no idea why they take such the bashing they do - usually by foreign men. Perhaps they've been listening to too many sob stories from some of the women here. I feel for you. You get tarred by all the bad ones - just as the men do! Thing is though, Japanese women, for sme reason, seem to have a rep as being great wives, quiet, loving, dedicated... and we know that isn't always the case!

0 ( +2 / -2 )

Nicky Foxie,

glad you both made it thru all the crap, seems marriage like health insurance in Japan have a few pieces of paper we all deal with then the crazy part may kick in & many have VASTLY different experiences in procedures, costs, time frames etc.

Pretty insane, just fight the good fights haha

0 ( +0 / -0 )

Exactly Nicky. Out of my 5 foreign female friends married to Japanese, only 1 couple got divorced but they moved to the UK, so i am not sure if that counts. My hubby does a lot around the house and he loves cooking. Just be nice, take good care of him, respect him and let him have his own space, don't fight about ridiculous problems where the toothpaste should be and everything will be fine.

0 ( +1 / -1 )

ridiculous problems where the toothpaste should be

Don't get me started on the toilet seat thing. Leaving it up or down. LOL!

1 ( +1 / -0 )

Stay on topic please.

0 ( +0 / -0 )

My girls are nisei, koseki tohon doesn't apply in America, I'm legally recognize as there father here

0 ( +0 / -0 )

Sad... Whatever happened to romance. The majority of J girls need to relearn the values of love and marriage. He is much more thana LV handbag with a pulse you know...

0 ( +0 / -0 )

@Foxie

Exactly Nicky. Out of my 5 foreign female friends married to Japanese, only 1 couple got divorced but they moved to the UK, so i am not sure if that counts. My hubby does a lot around the house and he loves cooking. Just be nice, take good care of him, respect him and let him have his own space, don't fight about ridiculous problems where the toothpaste should be and everything will be fine.

Exactly!!! Well said.

I feel and know for sure that I will NEVER find another man like my husband, ever. I've never been with someone so caring and devoted to his wife and children...and we have 4 living/breathing reasons that drives us to fight harder to keep our family together. It's been 10 years already and I'm still in LOVE with him like the very first day I fell for him. I'm so in love with him that I can't picture one day without him in this life. I know my husband is far from perfect, you know...he can be very strict in some things, notorious fashion police, picky when it comes to food, etc. BUT still, he has a such a beautiful heart and spirit that I'll need a straight jacket and tranquilizers if something ever happens to him. I can NOT imagining being living this life WITHOUT him. That is just not possible and that is one serious problem we have. Because we have children. I'm trying to think positive and get rid of the paranoia that sometimes infects my mind. He works in a semiconductor factory (Texas Instruments) and I know there are many real dangers inside that place, like some sort of pool with acid?!...also some one there died in some freak accident when a halogen bulb light exploded when it was being cleaned. WTF? The person had his neck stabbed by a flying piece of glass. Imagine how his wife felt when she got the news? I hope you understand how I feel everyday when he's working there. Good thing is that he's been there for 17+ years already so, he probably knows every security measure and procedure. Anyway, I wish people would realize how short this life is and how precious. Look at your husband and honor him. Love him and respect him. Appreciate the little things. I'm 30, he's 38 and I wish I had 700 hundred years more to spend with him and my kids. My marriage is NOT perfect, we do have our occasional argument and misunderstanding which is completely normal but I try my best to always make up with him and enjoy the sweet. Make love with him...smile and live our life together...and I wanna leave you with this quote from one of my favorite films, Vanilla Sky:

Just remember, the sweet is never as sweet without the sour, and I know the sour, which allows me to appreciate the sweet.

1 ( +1 / -0 )

Blue Witch sumed it up for me!

-1 ( +0 / -1 )

Well said Nicky!!!

-1 ( +0 / -1 )

I think it is an insurance thing. There is a much better chance of the husband dieing on his commute than the wife going out for Ikebana lessons, cake and ball room dance. She buys a big insurance policy on him and hopes.

-4 ( +0 / -4 )

I really envy all the ladies who posted comments about their wonderful Japanese husbands. Perhaps it's time for me to find a J man to date, instead...:)

0 ( +0 / -0 )

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