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40% of unattached singles in their 20s, 30s don't want relationship: survey

88 Comments

Forty percent of unattached Japanese men and women in their 20s and 30s are not interested in having a relationship, according to the results of a survey published in a Cabinet Office white paper on Monday.

The survey asked 7,000 men and women aged 20 to 39 nationwide about their views on relationships and marriage and 2,643 responded, Sankei reported.

Of the respondents, 40% -- evenly spread between men and women -- said they were not interested in starting a relationship. Of that group, the most common reason listed -- by 46.2% -- was that relationships are too much of a bother, followed by 45.1% who said they preferred to concentrate on their hobbies or interests.

Other reasons cited by respondents were they did not know how to start a relationship or where to find a possible partner. Another reason cited by some was that they felt they lacked appeal.

The survey was included in the white paper on the nation's declining birthrate. The white paper called on the government to consider a strategy to help young people get married, but did not offer specifics.

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88 Comments
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Bad news.

2 ( +3 / -1 )

Me and me peoples. Not so good for country.

1 ( +3 / -2 )

Hey, just imagine how much you like your hobbies and activities, now imagine doing those with someone you love... That would be a good start!

12 ( +14 / -2 )

what percent of that are Hikikomori?

1 ( +2 / -1 )

Are Japanese really that clueless about relationships?

4 ( +8 / -4 )

Camman80 I don't know whether you have worked or lived in Japan but once you have it explains why the % is so high. The other thing the world is so connected by the internet and and live in another reality that you don't have to communicate with anyone. You can order food, gets things sent to you etc. and in Japan that is amplified like 1,000 times. So that added with low salaries in an veritable adult Disney land means that you don't have to communicate with anyone and you don't want to share what limited resources you have. I know that sounds shallow but that is pretty much the case in Japan based on my years there.

7 ( +10 / -3 )

Uhm, when I was in my 20s, dating was my hobby...

16 ( +17 / -1 )

40%—evenly spread between men and women—said they were not interested in starting a relationship. Of that group, the most common reason listed—by 46.2%—was that relationships are too much of a bother, followed by 45.1% who said they preferred to concentrate on their hobbies or interests.

So, basically, what they are saying is, at least 40% of the younger population are too selfish and self-centered to entertain another person.

-1 ( +8 / -9 )

The survey targeted unattached people, but the news does not say what percentage of young people are unattached in Japan, so how can we judge if 40% is significant? For example, is it 40% of 20% or 40% or 60%? This is the usual problem with statistics of this nature.

If this actually is a significant number, this can be viewed as a welcomed trend since Japan has consumed energy and resources far beyond its carrying capacity for decades.

4 ( +7 / -3 )

They don't know how to start a relationship? What are they looking for, a big red button labelled with "Press Here To Start A Relationship"?

9 ( +10 / -1 )

It's so sad that both sexes are that lazy that they don't want to have intimacy with each other.I couldn't picture myself EVER thinking that way,regardless of my age,let alone in my virile and sturdy 20s and 30s.What went wrong?

2 ( +4 / -2 )

I agree with sand honor all the way. You took the words out from my mouth. Everything's become easy to be able to need the touch of another, the love for another. This is a country for business, for making money, for luring consumers, for creating something of the latest and being number one with it, but when it comes to relationships and integrating with other people and doing stuff together like hobbies and building a family perhaps in the future completely lax in all aspects. Sad to say but I can and have seen it around me. In fact I know a few youngish who chose such path. The environment has a lot to do with it too. The country and its pace.

3 ( +5 / -2 )

I can understand why Japanese men don't want to enter the "typical marriage" which has been the norm for decades now (requiring being a salaried worker slave), but this has gone to extremes with 0 relationships.

7 ( +7 / -0 )

Japan is really only concerned with numbers and growing the economy, so I suppose they will need to deal with the side-effects of mass consumerism brainwashed into the masses all day long. Everything on TV and everywhere is all about buying crap that no one needs to find fulfillment. TV shows parade miserably lonely celebrities wasting money on overpriced crap. And the people here just get entranced by that stuff. The whole time, the value of the yen is dropping, the perceived value of families and human relationships is dropping, and the government is finding new ways to wring money out of the entranced masses. It's no wonder under this backdrop people have turned away from families.

I recently gave up buying things from convenience stores realizing that I have absolutely no need for anything from them. My wife cooks delicious food and playing with my daughter is much more interesting than reading magazines or trying the New Coke Life or tomato flavored water. I spend about 2man less a month now cause of the change, and after getting used to it, I don't even miss it.

6 ( +8 / -2 )

Deride me as a romantic but I feel Japan is a place largely without love.

12 ( +14 / -2 )

Only ~33% of the people asked responded. Perhaps the other ~661/3% of the people were too busy playing Nampa.

4 ( +6 / -2 )

i think this is du to the introduction of makudonaldos into japanese diet

0 ( +1 / -1 )

I like how modern Japanese awake themselves from society patterns and start to think about their life instead of copying lives of others - everyone has partner so I also have to... No, you don't. Focus on your life and don't bother if you like, this is how it supposed to be. Consequences for society or nation? Well, we're not slaves made just to procreate. Why we should care about times, when we would no longer live anyway. I know it's very egoistic, but also pragmatic. Relationship is a big mendo, no doubt about it. If you're lucky and have that special person it's great, but if you don't it's great too, because you can enjoy life the way you want without looking back (at least if you have similar friends otherwise sometimes it could be indeed lonely).

But whatever your personal view on that matter is - there should be no pressure of having partner or not. I only say this because I understand and somehow identify with that trend shown in the survey. For the good of governments who steal money from taxes and sometimes kindly do something good it's indeed a problem, but for individuals it's different. We live in times of possibilities, when different hobbies have no limits anymore, so rather then living boring lives like hundred years ago in the villages where people were just working on farms and procreating - it's age of individual development. World has to deal with it and find another solution for collapsing economy then just counting on birth rate, sorry.

-3 ( +1 / -4 )

where are the living ? do they walk in the streets , do they come to the bus stop and railway stations do they go to the shops do they join functions, by the way their schooling? these are the places where you get friendships or in touch with others

1 ( +1 / -0 )

How to kill off your race in 100 years.

2 ( +5 / -3 )

@Elizabeth Heath, the way all the young people have their face stuck to their phones maybe they should release an app for it ;)

0 ( +0 / -0 )

I just love.how in this country so much time and money is wasted on all these " expert" panels that after enjoying their taxpayer funded ride, produce nothing else but papers that " call on government to consider a strategy to do something but offer no specifics ". Might as well get a bunch of JHS kids to have a discussion at your local Starbucks, it would probably yield much better results. Bet the govt's brilliant solution will be to set up more offices at local city halls etc. ( staffed by semi retired bureaucrats in their 60,s) no doubt, to help youngsters through " matchmaking " activities and other such pointless exercises.

2 ( +4 / -2 )

40% say that they are not interested, but that still leaves 60% that says they are. Even when you slice and dice the statistical data, you still have more people who don't necessarily hold those views.

@ Gosenx: I can understand to a point your views, but buried in the article was the statements

Other reasons cited by respondents were they did not know how to start a relationship or where to find a possible partner. Another reason cited by some was that they felt they lacked appeal.

that really explains the crux of the matter. These young people don't know how to be adults and take a chance and try to meet someone or that they have no self confidence. If you have a majority of people like that in a society, then what you get is what you see here in Japan, a large group of people just going with the flow because someone tells them to and even if they don't think it is the right thing to do, they do it anyway. That just keeps the ones who don't think like that in power and the end result is you have a Japan typically along the lines of what you described in your post.

3 ( +3 / -0 )

not very surprising, at least in the cities from what I have seen .... women acting like girls and oh yeah .. men still think they are teenagers (I guess we all do on that one, guys, huh?)

1 ( +1 / -0 )

Isn't it a characteristic of the Millennial generation in the US too?

4 ( +4 / -0 )

I'm a non-Japanese caucasian male, been living in Japan over a decade. I've dated my fair share of Japanese women. I honestly have zero interest in having a relationship with another one, let alone getting married. Being single is so much easier. I also enjoy not being treated as a living ATM. Right now, I can pretty much do what I want, when I want. Also, as a word of warning to newbies, unless the Japanese girl you're dating has lived overseas before (and I don't mean two weeks in LA or Hawaii), then I honestly think you're in for a world of pain. Japanese guys don't need to date Japanese women for sex; they can (and do anyway) visit soaplands. So, aside from societal pressure, I don't see why there is such a premium put on marriage.

3 ( +7 / -4 )

I doubt these numbers, it is easy to say "you don't want", when you can't find, given the opportunity I'm sure they would take up a girlfriend or boyfriend.

2 ( +2 / -0 )

they preferred to concentrate on their hobbies or interests

....sleeping and shopping

7 ( +8 / -1 )

I can't speak as to a premium on marriage, but it's been a great experience for me. Having a life partner to discuss strategy with, someone I can trust implicitly as being part of my 'inside group', is a great thing. We have fun together, joking around, and just now, while I'm typing, she brought me a smoothie she made, 'just because'.

4 ( +4 / -0 )

Do the same survey in other countries and this is not just a Japan thing. People have hobbies and having a gf/bf means a lot of times giving up your hobby due to time and money invested in a relationship. Why does everyone have to be the same?

-1 ( +2 / -3 )

So, 2,643 out of 7,000 responded Of that, 40% not interested: (1,057 people) ..Of that, 46% said it was too much of a bother (488 people).

So, of the original 7,000 only 6% said it was "too troublesome".

Moreover, this is in Tokyo, which has a population of 13,000,000... so of that population .05% were interviewed. For any meaningful statistics it has to be at least 1%..ideally more like 5%

Kind of hard to draw sweeping conclusions of doom and gloom based on such ridiculously low numbers.

-5 ( +1 / -6 )

agreed maitai. this is a global trend and occurs in highly developed countries. the brith rate is declining all over europe and america (white americans). but let the shallow observatins begin.

-1 ( +2 / -3 )

People who are not interested in relationships, best they stay out of relationships. No relationship is better than a bad relationship. Those not interested in marriage should never get married. Those, that are not interested in raising kids, should ever become parents for for the children's sake. Whatever one might think, they are probably doing the right and moral thing by not having relationships.

2 ( +3 / -1 )

No relationship is better than a bad relationship. Those not interested in marriage should never get married. Those, that are not interested in raising kids, should ever become parents for for the children's sake.

I agree. I think a lot of people get married and have kids, because that is what they think they are 'supposed' to do. Decide what is right for you, and do that. That's the path to happiness. Not doing what society tells you to do simply because society tells you to do it.

6 ( +6 / -0 )

well… only 2,643 of 7,000 responded so… plus, surveys are what use? or of what accuracy? how were the 7,000 chosen? what choices were given in the answers…? don't let's be thinking this is necessarily a realistic reflection of 'anything'…

-3 ( +0 / -3 )

Maybe they just want one nighters here and there. Pretty wild sex industry to begin with. If thats enough to fill an urge thats fine. Relationships are optional.

4 ( +4 / -0 )

With many Japanese men, their friends are other men from the same school and often the same sports club at the same school they may have left twenty or more years ago. They don't make friends with other men once they become adults. The furthest they get is "nakama", people from work or people who do the same hobbies, golf, skiing, touring on motorbikes, etc. etc. Once they get married or injured or stop doing whatever that circle does for whatever reason, they lose touch with such nakama. For that reason, you can't really look upon nakama as friends.

Just a theory, but I reckon part of the cause is the throwing together of kids into super-organized clubs when they are kids. They don't get the chance to learn how to socialize with others because they are at some regimented activity six days a week. At every club, relationships are instantly categorized as sempai/kohai.

Men who struggle to make friends with other men (opening up, sharing, listening, etc.) are up against it even more when it comes to forming relationships with women.

0 ( +1 / -1 )

Ah well, not sure there's too much that can be done without a massive shift in culture and attitudes. I assume it has something to do with traditional Japanese cultural values regarding dating and marrying and social behaviour clashing against the instant gratification conveniences and anonymities of today's world.

2 ( +2 / -0 )

When you have a kid you realize that any hobby that doesn't include them isn't a hobby worth giving any of your time to. I feel bad for these people (and I am in my 30s so I am of the same generation) who won't get to know that. I suspect though that for many citing their hobbies is probably a way of avoiding admitting that economic reasons are preventing it. Sucks to be looking for a career these days...

2 ( +2 / -0 )

40% of unattached singles in their 20s, 30s don't want relationship: survey

And sadly, the men mentioned here will go on to become 40 yr old virgins (like we read about in a recent post). Often frustrated and complaining how they can't meet women. . . . They might want to reconsider this survey.

2 ( +2 / -0 )

I guess my dream marrying with Japanese women is game over now. :-(

-3 ( +0 / -3 )

Japanese women can be very choosy. They'd rather remain single than date a guy who doesn't fit their ideal in looks, wealth, job status etc. As a consequence, many Japanese guys just give up on this ultra competitive dating scene altogether.

0 ( +1 / -1 )

The myth of Japanese women being the overly caring and family minded female is a myth. Japanese men now sense that and have lost interest in this present day fake cosmetic ornamented leeches who prey on men to make their life richer. I am not pushing my sons to get married and on the contrary discourage them for any permanent relationship. Even the parents are not pushing their sons to get married here.

2 ( +7 / -5 )

The myth of Japanese women being the overly caring and family minded female is a myth.

That's odd, it would seem that by your definition, I married a myth. But, she seems real enough when I touch her, and the government seems to think she's real since they recognize me as being married.

5 ( +6 / -1 )

@mitoko. I have a few japanese friends who are sensing these attitudes too. If these men in the survey had an option to start a relationship with non-japanese women, would the results vary?

-1 ( +0 / -1 )

bruinfan wrote

I can understand why Japanese men don't want to enter the "typical marriage" which has been the norm for decades now (requiring being a salaried worker slave), but this has gone to extremes with 0 relationships.

And onagagamo wrote

I'm a non-Japanese caucasian male, been living in Japan over a decade. I've dated my fair share of Japanese women. I honestly have zero interest in having a relationship with another one, let alone getting married. Being single is so much easier. I also enjoy not being treated as a living ATM.

According to a Nissay survey it was found that it is Japanese women that are far less keen on relationships than Japanese men with those responding to "I have a negative view of marriage" "I don't (really) want to get married) being twice as high among Japanese women than men. My summary https://www.flickr.com/photos/nihonbunka/19043455031/in/photostream, and I think this is the original survey https://www.nissay.co.jp/news/2015/pdf/20150615.pdf# which also shows that 60% of married couples approve of only the wife controlling the finances and 30% of young couples that wish for

This is the reverse of the situation in the USA where it is men that do not want to get married. https://www.lifesitenews.com/news/young-men-giving-up-on-marriage-women-arent-women-anymore

I think that in both cases it is NOT the willing-to-get-married-side's fault, but rather expectations are too high on side of Japanese women and US men but I have no proof. I think that all the work being done to improve the lot of Japanese women, under the Western model of female repression, may have increased the sense of entitlement felt by Japanese such that they want to control the finances, be in charge in the home, and have a husband that comes home to that female controlled home early.

0 ( +1 / -1 )

Japanese women can be very choosy. They'd rather remain single than date a guy who doesn't fit their ideal in looks, wealth, job status etc

That's not unique to Japan. Seems to be that way in many big cities in many parts of the world.

6 ( +6 / -0 )

We are living in a society we are more apart of each other than ever in the history of human race, we are so many (8 billions) but still we are so lonely in the same time. We can't find the best partner to share our life's.

-1 ( +0 / -1 )

I married a myth

:)

0 ( +1 / -1 )

Sounds like 40% are quite intuitive. Most couples do not have enduring happiness. Before I am totally trolled upon, yes, there are exceptions, but they ARE exceptions.

-2 ( +1 / -3 )

"The myth of Japanese women being the overly caring and family minded female is a myth. Japanese men now sense that and have lost interest in this present day fake cosmetic ornamented leeches who prey on men to make their life richer"

And the poor selfless Japanese salaryman isn't a myth? It's funny b/c just in my family I've observed a father-in-law who cheated on his wife his entire adult life, a brother-in-law who still is cheating on my wife's older sister (everyone knows), and my grandfather-in-law, who regularly blew what savings they had on gambling and prostitutes, when he wasn't beating his wife. Not to mention my innumerable colleagues who think nothing of going to red light districts every single weekend, talking openly of their exploits at work, without any sense of shame.

"I am not pushing my sons to get married and on the contrary discourage them for any permanent relationship"

Well, there you have, misogyny passed down from generation to generation. Fine work.

7 ( +8 / -1 )

Most couples do not have enduring happiness. Before I am totally trolled upon, yes, there are exceptions, but they ARE exceptions.

Really? What makes you think that? Do you have some numbers to back it up? It seems to me that more couples are happy than not, it's just that the ones who are unhappy are the loudest.

-2 ( +1 / -3 )

Relationships are too much of a bother? I guess Japanese people really are robots after all.

-3 ( +1 / -4 )

Relationships are too much of a bother? I guess Japanese people really are robots after all.

Wow, that's what you took out of this? A non-scientific survey only returned by a small portion of pollees, where a minority reported said that relationships are too much of a bother? That's some real strong logic there.

-3 ( +0 / -3 )

@jcapan. LoL sounds like a movie straight out of "Lifetime" TV. @everyone else. The first numbers to pop out my cabeza are 50 and 50. Half are happy, half aren't.

-1 ( +0 / -1 )

Or are they just engaged in casual sex? So relationship is not a big thing?

-2 ( +0 / -2 )

Quite sad really. They have obviously never met a 'keeper'.

-3 ( +0 / -3 )

Not entirely bad. Means more are available for meaningless one night stands......

1 ( +3 / -2 )

If people spend 12 hours at work and an hour commuting almost every day, I can understand why they want time for themselves rather than a romantic relationship. If employers were forcing their employees to go home after an eight or nine hour work day, I'm sure this romance indifference problem would greatly decrease.

To make matters worse, when you factor in Japanese infertility problems and lack of immigration, the future of the nation is hard to imagine. There are going to be some (more) serious problems.

2 ( +3 / -1 )

@ onagagamo

I see you point man but just to add a little optimism for any newbies reading. I am also a white male who has been living in jland for year, happily married for over 5 yrs and been together for over 8. Newbies not all J females are money sucking squeaky iphone zombies. Get to know the person well first and make sure they are willing to put you first and vice versa. Took my then jgf backpacking through s.e.a for 6 months prior to getting married cos if you can travel with some1 and not kill each other you've got a shot i.m.o. For me Its nice to be married, not all doom and gloom.

3 ( +4 / -1 )

Great! It cuts down the field for us real men.

0 ( +1 / -1 )

Really? What makes you think that? Do you have some numbers to back it up?

I know in the US greater than 50% of marriages end in divorce. Now, we aren't taking into account

The percentage of unhappily-married couples who stay together. The percentage of happy unmarried life-partners.

But let's assume they cancel out. Now, take into account that the Japanese consistently rank among the least happy populations in the world, which would skew any results negative. So it stands as a reasonable argument (by Internet commentary standards) that more couples are unhappy than not.

0 ( +1 / -1 )

oh I didn't know about this problem in Japan. What is going on guys. Life is beautiful, please enjoy it !!! We knew we all are competing against senseless machines, loosing the job is one thing but we are loosing emotions, relationship, We put everything on stake. Stop this nonsense. But How ? I don't have answer but if you come to know please inform me as well. Thanks for Listening me.

-1 ( +0 / -1 )

I wonder what happens to the people in their 20's from their teens. It seems everywhere I go I see teenage "couples" sitting together in their school uniforms holding hands and basically doing the "boyfriend/girlfriend" thing. Do these types of things all of a sudden disappear when they become adults?

4 ( +5 / -1 )

I know in the US greater than 50% of marriages end in divorce.

Apparently not: http://qz.com/306166/the-divorce-stat-that-just-keeps-cheating-50/

And since the rest of your post extrapolated from there, it's hard to agree with your original premise. Too much extrapolation, based on incorrect numbers from another country.

-3 ( +0 / -3 )

Asahi has detailed reporting of the survey. http://www.asahi.com/articles/ASH6M7G85H6MUTFL010.html

2643 out of 7000 answered the questionnaire.

761 out of 2643 answered they are single and do not have lovers.

37.6% or "about 40%" of the 761 people ie 286 people answered they "don't want relationship."

In other words, 2643-286=2357 out of 2643 people ie 89% surveyed answered they are married, have lovers or "want relationship."

Nothing surprising.

1 ( +2 / -1 )

A lot of posts here blaming women for the situation. Odd this, as it takes at least two people to start a relationship and make it work. Why all the whining comments about women being 'choosy', as if this was a bad thing? After spending most of history having little or no choice in any aspect of their lives, women in many countries are now in the position to make a choice about marriage and partnerships. Hoorah for that.

If you want a female partner and can't find one, why is that fault of women?

-4 ( +0 / -4 )

If you want a female partner and can't find one, why is that fault of women?

Probably because she's being itchy?

On another note, people wrongly believe from these surveys that Japanese people aren't having sex. This is wrong. Japanese people don't have children on a whim, and Japanese women don't get carelessly knocked up like, say, American women do. Japanese put planning into children and relationships. The economy is down and unemployment is up. Hence the low birth rate. This doesn't mean Japanese people don't have sex. I don't know enough math to count the money I've spent on love hotels with Japanese women. And I can also tell you good luck trying to get a vacancy at one of those hotels on a weekend night. Japanese are having wild sex. They're just taking precautions to remain in a position of irresponsibility.

-3 ( +0 / -3 )

Kaynide...you are right. Why down voted?

-1 ( +0 / -1 )

CH3CHO, you are right it's not so sensational if you think about it. A similar survey with the same number of people might produce similar results in any country.

But even if it is indicative of a trend in Japanese society, I can't say I'm surprised. People are risk-averse and busy, and the ideas of "dating-->marriage-->children" are closely tied to employment/income in this country.

-1 ( +0 / -1 )

Anything or Any way to fix this disastrous thing?

0 ( +1 / -1 )

Unless Japan increases immigration the country will grind to a halt because there will nobody left to buy anything.

-1 ( +3 / -4 )

@Steve Crichton I agree with you. The Japanese immigration system is way too strict, they need to loosen it bit

0 ( +2 / -2 )

Moonraker, your comments make sense, i have search hundred of Japanese drama/movie love scenes,but I never came across a single scene where they actually present a true love, there is no rhythm, no deep eye contact, there is always sudden gestures and almost one word suki which literally mean i like you.

-1 ( +1 / -2 )

There is a simple solution to the whole issue. Japanese men need to start importing women from other countries like Thailand or Phillipines. Everyone wins. The women from the poor country, the Japanese man and the economy. Japanese men need to start thinking outside the box. The root of the whole problem is the fact that Japanese women put themselves on a pedestal and as result destroy the confidence of young Japanese men.

-5 ( +2 / -7 )

Moonraker, your comments make sense, i have search hundred of Japanese drama/movie love scenes,but I never came across a single scene where they actually present a true love, there is no rhythm, no deep eye contact, there is always sudden gestures and almost one word suki which literally mean i like you.

Your cultural society's version of love and the way they present it on the big screen is not the default version of all of humankind. Get a grip! And who told you the literal meaning of suki was "I like you "? A dictionary? Words carry subtleties that a dictionary doesn't have.

0 ( +1 / -1 )

who told you the literal meaning of suki was "I like you "?

It is the literal meaning.

I think the point you were trying to get at is that the nuance is a lot stronger.

-3 ( +0 / -3 )

Obviously if it used to say I like you and also to say I love you, then there is meaning in the word that cannot be rendered literally in English as I like you. You guys are always judging everything through your own ideological, cultural, and linguistic lenses as if the rest of the world sports the same glasses.

1 ( +2 / -1 )

I think maybe you don't know the meaning of the word 'literally'. I suggest a quick google.

-3 ( +0 / -3 )

Mr. Noidall, everybody knows that big screen exaggerate things but there is some reality/though less so i was talking about that and you can get a clue about the culture. if you are living in japan or being the in the japanese society/in the street then you can explain us better.

0 ( +0 / -0 )

It is a sad state. Unfortunately, Japan is competing with very powerful economic forces in the Asian export and financial markets, forcing the economy to be in over-drive. However, young professionals clearly still have time for their own interests, but the desire to personally share their experience with an intimate connection is largely absent. The lack of this desire to provide the effort to secure an intimate connection is probably not a consequence of economy, but one of cultural/social disruption.

I find it odd, because my Japanese friends are very passionate, caring people. They have an enormous capacity for love. However, compared to my Hispanic/American/Black/Chinese/Euro/Indian/Arab/Israeli/Canadian/Russian friends (I'm a med student, meet a lot of peeps), my Japanese friends were the hardest ones to establish; by nature, it seemed they were more distant, cautious, and non-committal until a bond was finally established -one I had to work very hard to establish on my own.

Potentially, the sphere of a busy work life and plethora of amusements one can enjoy alone -in a background of personalities that are more reserved and solitary- creates a perfect storm where the energy required to establish a trusted intimacy is simply not available to the average 20-30 year-old.

Please read as an honest observation, not trying to be an expert or provide definitive answers. I wish dearly that rewarding, lasting love be a part of more lives in Japan.

2 ( +2 / -0 )

by nature, it seemed they were more distant, cautious, and non-committal until a bond was finally established -one I had to work very hard to establish on my own.

I agree. But it aint by nature. I know that's just a phrase, but I'd like to point out it all about their culture, and not their dna.

0 ( +0 / -0 )

Maybe a textbook annotation on the Japanese a few hundred years from now: "A nation which extinguished itself by allowing its younger generations to believe that 'relationships can be considered bothersome and are to be avoided'..." - the Japanese better wake up and fix things!

0 ( +0 / -0 )

@ Mr. NoidallJun. 23, 2015 - 09:06PM JST "You guys are always judging everything through your own ideological, cultural, and linguistic lenses as if the rest of the world sports the same glasses."

Are you being hugely hinkiku (ironic) with the above comment? Isnt that the pot calling the kettle black when Japan ideological, cultural, and linguistic copies all things western and has done so since the Meiji era?

0 ( +0 / -0 )

My wife told me about a group of her friends, nice and attractive un-married Japanese ladies, who told her they want children but not the men who comes with them.

0 ( +1 / -1 )

I just think, they haven't interviewed young and oldies who went to gokon and omiais for locals and foreign women and men. Amazing to know the number!

0 ( +0 / -0 )

Are you being hugely hinkiku (ironic) with the above comment? Isnt that the pot calling the kettle black when Japan ideological, cultural, and linguistic copies all things western and has done so since the Meiji era?

You may want to keep up the Japanese study....

-1 ( +0 / -1 )

find me a woman who doesn't lie to men all the time with make-up, colored contacts, fake eyelashes, push up bras and figure enhancing clothing that doesn't care about how much money a man makes......then we can talk about a real relationship. we all know the stories of how Japanese women change after marriage and even more so after they have children. As long as they have their husbands paycheck (minus a little okozukai for the poor man), that is all they care about. Then they use that money to get "English lessons" from some handsome foreigner. Seen this happen to a lot of my Japanese friends out here. Poor guys are trapped and don't even get enough okozukai to pay for a love motel if they could even find a woman on the side. (no Japanese girl wants a married guy that can't afford her) Men are wising up to all of this and now know better. Women are the most deviant and sly creatures on this planet. which is why they rarely get caught cheating but actually cheat as much if not more than men. (Anonymous surveys have proven this time and time again).

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