End-of-life care focuses on helping the dying achieve peace of mind

When my time is up lets hope its quick like my father his body system just shut down age 93 from natural causes, my grandmother died the same at 98. My aunty did not know what was happening she was sectioned for 3 weeks before she died, the brain when. Both where old, one of my brothers died age 37 of diesel related cancer in an hospice and I spent a little time with him the evening before he died, he knew he was dying, he was at peace. I don't know how my sister died my brother did not tell me she was about 68 years old, I cannot bring her back. We all have to sometime lets hope in peace and not in war or war related death.

I had a friend he was old and thought he was going to live for ever, he died of alzheimer's disease.

End-of-Life Care? More like End-of-Life Care about taking your cash, Hospice is also a joke, there are a few truly caring people, but for the rest it is just a job and a way to get more cash out of an already struggling family. They just try and drug you up with Morphine, and wait for you to die. Nurses are more compassionate, but Doctors are liars, manipulative, and push false hope.

The misunderstandings they speak of are happening because the Dr's are not straight forward about anything, you need to get an older nurse that is brutally honest and will give you an honest timeline and from the heart advice.

When my wife was near the end, the Dr said that she should stay at the hospital, because the ride home may kill her. She wanted to go home and the nurses told me to do what my wife wanted, and after arguing with the Dr's I finally got to take her home, but only after they made us get a Hospice provider set up through them, and I had to pay 120,000 yen for the 3 days we used it, with only three visits from the Dr.

I would like to mention that one thing that they did that really made my wife and I mad was when they tricked her into going on the Morphine drip, she still had things she wanted to say and talk about, but after the first day, it was just horrible, I don't even want to write about it.

If you have a relative who is near their time, make sure and let them know that home is where they should be, surrounded by those who love and truly care for them, it is truly the best thing for all!

The gap is believed to be attributable not only to a lack of home medical services in communities but also to excessive medical care provided by hospitals to terminally ill patients, often against their will and resulting in unnecessary pain,

That is the truth, we need more Dr's like Dr. Ozawa!

Middle, I'm sorry to hear that. We kept my wife's father at home as long as possible (cancer) - he was deeply attached to his home - but by the time his primary caretaker, my wife, had a near-breakdown, he knew it was time to go. We slipped him away at midnight in the back of my van (he would have been horrified by an ambulance drawing out the neighbors and making it a spectacle).

Our doctor was good. He told us clearly that once the morphine started, communication would end. Over a few weeks, though, his communication had slipped from weak words to head nodding or shaking to a glow in the eyes that showed he still perceived us but couldn't respond to zero - so we started the morphine, and he died a few days later, perhaps a month after hospitalization.

This would have been almost impossible to do at home, I think. It is an awesome responsibility.

@Laguna

Sorry for your loss, but glad to hear you had a good Dr.

My wife's Dr. did not want to say morphine in front of the other patients, but she could have asked me as I knew what my wife wanted, we knew it would have to start at sometime, but wished it could have been my wife's call.

After we brought her home the Hospice Dr. hooked up the morphine drip and it had a little lever to do what they call a push, I was in charge of that, but I always asked her he she wanted it and she refused. They also told us to call everyone because her BP had fallen too low and she would be gone in an hour or so, but she hung on for three more days. She did grab my arm and told me thank you and said she loved me the moment right before she passed, the body is an amazing thing sometimes.

Taking care of someone is a very hard job, I can see why your wife had a near-breakdown, I lost 22 kilos in the two months I cared for my wife and still have a very heavy heart about the whole thing, I wish it on no one.

Sorry for both of your experiences. My father died at home at 65, his brain and body having been ravaged by cancer caused by his lifetime smoking habit. My mom became his caregiver, and a hospice nurse visited once in a while, but there was never any mention of pain meds, so maybe mom kept it from us. I was in the military and only had a couple of visits as he was dying, but I'll never forget the last one. He was still lucid and ambulatory. He looked at his legs and noticed one was really swollen compared to the other, so he told my mom. All she could say was "Well, you're dying" (which I though was a bit harsh), and he broke into tears and said "I know". As I was leaving, I swear I heard somebody tell me "You'd better say goodbye to your father", but there was nobody else there. I knew then it was the last time I'd see him, so there were a lot of tears and hugs, and I can still feel his scratchy unshaven face on my neck. Now, every time I see a Lucky Strike cigarette pack on the ground, I think of him.

For those who are in pain; Japan is one of the most difficult places to obtain adequate pain relief in, and the use of opiates for pain control is the lowest amongst the industrialised nations. Other solutions such as injections to block nerves that carry pain are rarely used, electronic methods are almost unheard of, and 'gaman' or grin and bear it is the expression most commonly used. Even the use entonox inhalation for short-term pain relief during unpleasant procedures is uncommon, This applies to both EOL care and routine post-operative care.

Family members are also ignorant of EOL care; I know of one relative who was applying ground ginger and potato paste to his mother's chest as she was dying of bladder cancer! It gave her no pain relief at all.

Getting proper pain relief in Japan is hard, getting for someone who is dying is almost impossible.

Reckon I'll be asking for Dignitas' help on this one.

Sorry to hear what some of you have gone through.. Hospice may not be perfect but they do some good work in the face of government and society's apathy to elderly. Not sure we have much better choice here. If there is, I would be happy to learn. One small alternate way is to teach people to improve pain indulgence/handling from early age. The local monks and priests may be able to help there!