Gender gap fuels disputes as Japan gets joint custody law

But the change has proved polarizing in a country where campaigners say sole custody acts as a bulwark against forms of domestic abuse courts may fail to recognize.

Rights groups argue that mothers who have escaped economic or psychological violence -- exacerbated by financial inequalities -- risk being dragged back into abusive relationships under joint custody.

Figures. Society sees men's "default position" as being abusive or as otherwise just being inferior, terrible human beings.

Such a mentality aimed in the other direction would rightly be called sexist.

But I guess when it's aimed at men -- even at the expense of children who need fathers, who need positive male role models in an ever-increasingly feminized society -- it's all of a sudden okay.

Society can't even set aside its misandry even when children's welfare is primarily at stake.

Japanese husbands spend notoriously few hours on household tasks -- just 47 minutes versus 247 minutes for wives on a weekday -- preventing women from re-entering the workforce.

That's interesting.

At least in my humble experience in Japan, I've seen quite a few housewives engaged in "overburdening" activities like English conversation classes, pleasure shopping, having coffee & cake with friends, tea ceremony classes, Pilates, and what have you.

Almost this entire article is devoted to what's best for, or what's in service to, women women women.

This despite the fact that this new law is, rightly, oriented toward what's seen as best for the children.

The children, who seem to be getting lost and forgotten in this pro-woman screed.

Joint custody of the children, in most cases, is the in the best interest of the children. But the parents need to work to contain their differences in order for it to work. At least until the children reach adult age.

Many people who advocate joint custody disregard this crucial aspect. Perhaps a count appointed counslor who can act as arbiter if needed could resolve this obstacle.

That is fine, are they going to start enforcing men to pay their child support arrears. There are so many men who do not want anything to do with their children once divorce happens and there is nothing in place to get these men to pay up their arrears.

Here is another question, all the decisions in the Court will they unravel in 2026?

Joint custody of the children, in most cases, is the in the best interest of the children. 

Actually, what's in the BEST interest of the children, statistically speaking, is an intact two-parent mom-and-dad family.

The intact two-parent family is, for optimum socioeconomic outcomes for children as well as adults, the gold standard. Regardless of country, regardless of race, regardless of everything.

And every single study ever done on the subject has confirmed that.

campaigners say sole custody acts as a bulwark against forms of domestic abuse courts may fail to recognize

Yup, that's right. Deny fathers their absolutely necessary role in their children's lives in the name of "preventing domestic abuse" -- even for that vast majority of fathers who have shown absolutely no sign or evidence of being abusive.

For the love of God in Heaven, would we EVER tolerate women being negatively stereotyped in such a fashion???

@OssanAmerica

Many people who advocate joint custody disregard this crucial aspect. 

Advocates of joint custody disregard … the need for parents to work together???

What an absurd comment!

Quo Primum hit the nail on the head.

Open season on men.

That is fine, are they going to start enforcing men to pay their child support arrears.

If they have access to the children then there should be enforcement. If not.... what is the man paying for?

Unless Japan's deep gender imbalances are rectified, "we're nowhere near ready to even discuss joint custody," said Tanaka, now head of a group supporting single mothers.

This is such an empty argument. Yes, gender imbalances should be rectified, but the idea that society can’t even talk about other grave injustices, like parents having their children kidnapped, until gender equality is achieved is ridiculous.

Driving the inequality in part, critics say, is a long-standing tax policy disincentivizing dependent spouses, usually wives, from full-time work.

Its noteworthy that most of the complaints raised by mothers in the article are economic ones. These are legitimate complaints of course, but they have nothing to do with child custody (ie the interests of the child) and shouldn’t be used to justify child kidnapping. Tax policies like this one should absolutely be reformed since this is probably the biggest driver of it. Husbands in a divorce, and their children, shouldn’t be punished for systemic governance problems beyond their control.

the two year-old, stared at him uncomprehendingly as if to say, "who are you?"

"yesterday is history, tomorrow's a mystery

i can see you're looking back at me, keep your eyes on me

baby, keep your eyes on me

it's like you're my mirror, my mirror staring back at me..."

"mirrors", justin timberlake (2013)

Don't penalize good men just because they're men.

zulanderToday  04:32 pm JST

Quo Primum hit the nail on the head.

Open season on men.

What you fail to recognise is that it has been and still is 'open season' on women for centuries.

Not sure how you can overlook.

Maybe it is just best all round that the people don't get married and have kids at all ... oh, wait a minute...

Asiaman7Today  04:30 pm JST

@OssanAmerica

Many people who advocate joint custody disregard this crucial aspect. 

Advocates of joint custody disregard … the need for parents to work together???

What an absurd comment!

Nothing absurd about it. If there is joint custody both divorced parents have to work togther one-on-one to make that work without falling back into whatever state existed when they divorced. And there may be new spouses involved now as well. If you actually read the above article it says just that. You obviously have zero experience with divorce or custody issues. IE not qualified to comment, best to refrain.

When I was a kid, my mother put me on a plane every summer so I could fly north to visit my father for a month. While frequent, shorter meetings are certainly preferable, larger Japanese companies might want to look into granting a month-long summer hiatus to divorced fathers so that they can spend intense quality time with their kids.

Who cares about joint custody or single custody.

It’s irrelevant.

Before divorce, both parents still have joint custody. But if one takes the kids and runs, the other parent usually can’t see the kids.

Single custody can work - if the other parent can still see kids regularly.

But we all know fathers AND mothers who haven’t seen kids in years.

Some never see them again.

japanese need to learn to have a heart.

Yeah, if you don't think you will be able to work things out maturely and amicably with the person you are marrying in the event of breakdown of the marriage, or you even slightly suspect your spouse might not be the right fit, don't get married and, whatever you do, don't have children. The kids don't deserve you. You will just be host to yet another traumatised human in this world.

The parents—and let’s face it, it’s mostly Japanese women—who weaponize their children to stab at the soul of their spouses are a stain on society. They deserve nothing but scorn.

...that Japan allow joint custody "when it is in the child's best interests"

This absolutely needs to be the case. However, I worry that the "child's best interests" will be determined by members of a society that widely values a mother's care as a child's best interest, generally speaking.

These self centred people who keep the other parent out of the child or children life never end up not having a meaningful honest relationship with their children. So one Parent don,t enjoy living with the other anymore that don't give the right for the materal Parent to stuff up the children mental health nor the other Parents mental health.

I have a few friends, about 5, who have been outright denied seeing their kids. My best friend hasn't seen his daughter since she was 6 years old and now she is 24, he tried so hard to see her and followed her on social media, but blocked him when she found out he was watching her. He tried to confront her, but when she saw him, she screamed for help and called the police, she would not give him the chance even to hear his side of the story because she was raised by her mother who hated her dad with the deepest of passions and she made it her mission to make sure he never sees his child again, so she just poisoned the childs mind over the years.

I remember back in the day when I tried to talk to my friend's daughter's mother, I tried hard, but she was resistant to the point where she would yell at me to stop mentioning his name, she also said that a father is not as important than a mother, a child ONLY needs a mother, but not a father, so it's ok if her dad can't see her because it's my child. I gave up after a year of back and forth, but the hatred for my friend was so raw and emotionally visceral. Just a sad story, my friend still doesn't want to give up, he wants to come to Japan to try and talk to her, but I don't want to break his heart, been broken enough, but there is just no way he can make his adult child talk to him, she will scream or go to the police and we know how that can end up. You don't want to say give up, but what else can a person do?

I remember when they first got separated we went to a lawyer and the lawyer was very quiet and relaxed as my friend told him his story and that he wanted to have access to his daughter and just wanted to see her and have visitation rights, but the lawyer asked him how much money he makes and said to him, "even if he cannot see his daughter, he should pay monthly child support until she is of age and then try to reach out to her, yes, it may be painful now, but at least you have something positive to look forward to when she is an adult and that his daughter would be proud to say, my dad took care of me." That is all that the lawyer could do. I was just beyond shocked and my friend paid $500 for that.

I have other stories I could go on about friends who were denied visitation rights. I am also friends with the infamous guy who lived in Fukuoka and kidnapped his son and daughter and ran to the US Consulate building but was stopped by Japanese police guarding the Consulate, he was arrested and the story made international headlines and CNN was here as well interviewing the guy, but because of the huge media attention, the courts decided to let him go and gave him the option to leave Japan and never come back in an exchange that he will not try and have contact with his kids. It was a horrible situation.

I am a bit skeptical of this new ruling, but we shall see, no parent should have to go through this.

See how much sympathy a father receives if he unilaterally takes his children away from an abusive wife/ mother. Sadly, in my experience, Japanese wife’s will play the victim card and all the cuts and bruises on your body mean nothing to police because they will cry self defense. And then they will try to get the foreign father arrested/ deported with BS lies. I hope all fathers in Japan will be able to have meaningful relationships with their children.

Joint parent responsibility and access to the child is the best solution for all parties, except where violence is a concern, but it needs the courts to say clearly how often and how long at a time the child should be with each parent, and to have a clearly stated channel for complaints if one parent fails to keep to the rules. I would also suggest that parents should be obliged to report if a child is added to their passport, so that if the other parent is concerned that the passport holder is taking the child abroad, the immigration authorities can be alerted and the "kidnapper" questioned or even detained.

Unless Japan's deep gender imbalances are rectified, "we're nowhere near ready to even discuss joint custody," said Tanaka, now head of a group supporting single mothers.

Does she fail to see the irony in that? It's the gender imbalance that is preventing joint custody!

I know for a Damn fact that many women took the kids away from their fathers and Vanished KNOWING that she can do it and get away with it.

Denying the father and the kids their Basic Parental right to be together, many did it to inflect as much damage and pain on the father as possible out hate and despise and ignoring the rights of the children.

Quo PrimumToday  04:25 pm JST

Joint custody of the children, in most cases, is the in the best interest of the children. 

Actually, what's in the BEST interest of the children, statistically speaking, is an intact two-parent mom-and-dad family.

Thank you but Duh, We are talking about custody rights, which means the parents are divorced, which means they are not "intact".

I was raised after my parents divorced with sole custody by my father and visitation rights to my mother. It was probably awkward for them and their new spouses but there is an expectation that adults are mature and can control themselves.

"It was an escape," she said of her decision to leave with her two toddlers, denying it constituted an abduction.

Being treated or feeling like a slave is horrible. But that has nothing to do with the children.

Huge win, for equality and for countless children who grew up without their father’s guidance and love. A great piece of legislation!

The so-called gender pay gap is a myth. Men and women make different choices due to different temperament and circumstances. If women always earned less, they'd be the preferred choice of every employer to pay less for the same work. What is this obvious scam's goal?

the unique thing in japan is fathers rarely, if ever, get proper visitation rights. otherwise, the same issues exist in other countries.

people spend more time and energy picking out a car or clothes than picking their partner. if you don’t have a plan for how you’re going raise a child, or haven’t even talked about it, or know your spouse well enough, don’t have kids.

the kids are the ones who are denied their right to grow up in a supportive family where they can learn life lessons to thrive in society.

but, that’s just wishful thinking and things will will never change as long as mentally immature people have kids. nothing worse than two dumb people having children.

I'm so glad I didn't marry a Japanese man. Phew!

Present LDP regime cling to paternalism and still hinder even separating surname of married couple.

Such they including delusive politician insisting "99% of domestic abuses are falsehood" enacted Japan version "joint custody" with ignoring even protest from female who her child was killed by former husband after divorce. 

This law only deteriorate situation as same as new political fund law.

The reality of it all the biggest loser is the kid, most often the kid struggle with forming healthy relationships in the future due to having distorted views on familial bonds. They become alienated from the estranged parent and refuse to have any contact and they experience confusion, guilt, anger, or sadness and struggle with conflicting feelings about the parent because of what the other parent might have told them. In other words the child has become brainwashed to believe that the other parent is bad, and the kid suffers psychological and emotionally from years of hearing about distorted views.

I am the "fun stepdad" for my Japanese girlfriend's 6-year-old child. I do not know if I want the biological father back in the picture because it might make my girlfriend upset

I am divorcing next week.

I am an adult, meaning I behave and accept discussion, and so is my wife up to today.

We could agree on everything, and we explained to children.

Any parent behaving against their children's interest, like women kidnapping or lying (blatantly), should be held responsible for their errors( or crimes) vigorously by society.

In view of that article with XIXth century stereotypes (women emotional, financial, physical slaves of men ?), Japan has a long way to enter XXIth century with easy joint custody (kid living one week with mother, then one week with father, or any agreed solution).

With my eyes, I see too many Japanese immature which leads to this situation.

"Mothers and children who have escaped violence might be dragged back to that abusive relationship under joint custody, because power dynamics don't easily change, even after divorce."

It all depends on the parent, once divorced a parent is FREE to do whatever or be with whoever she or he wish, NO STRINGS attached.

No one is dragged into anything! Parents don't even have to meet one another or see each other, arrangements could be made to where kids could be picked up from their parent home or schools and returned to a parent home without the parents meeting or seeing each other, I have seen it happen multiple times.

"Mothers and children who have escaped violence might be dragged back to that abusive relationship under joint custody, because power dynamics don't easily change, even after divorce."

NOT TRUE AT ALL.

It all depends on the parent, once divorced a parent is FREE to do whatever or be with whoever she or he wish, NO STRINGS attached.

No one is dragged into anything! Parents don't even have to meet one another or see each other, arrangements could be made to where kids could be picked up from their parent home or schools and returned to a parent home without the parents meeting or seeing each other, I have seen it happen multiple times.

My husbands cousins ex wife tried to deny him from seeing his daughter until he sued the monster and he won, the court gave him full custody of the girl which she was so happy to be with her Dad and get away from her abusive so called mother.

Japanese husbands spend notoriously few hours on household tasks -- just 47 minutes versus 247 minutes for wives on a weekday -- preventing women from re-entering the workforce.

I'd say a huge reason why Japanese men aren't doing household tasks is because they are babied, spoiled, by their mothers during childhood. Then, when they go off to get married, they expect their wife to do all the cooking and cleaning, just as their mother did and the cycle just repeats itself.

Japanese husbands spend notoriously few hours on household tasks -- just 47 minutes versus 247 minutes for wives on a weekday.

That all has simply other and obvious reasons. First, on average, men are less skilled and not such keen on detailed and filigrane housework, cooking, cleaning etc, as they naturally don't have the genes for that, as they were outside and on hunt in dirty nature, not inside the caves, housings or accommodations for almost all long epochs throughout history of mankind. So whatever much they do or whatever biggest possible efforts they would show, they would always be less perfect by nature and of course as much or even more criticized than if they hadn't done any housework at all. Second, in the rarer opposite case when men are skilled a bit and willingly engage in household work, then they constantly get more and more of the workload, until the ratio isn't 47 to 247, but 294 to 0. You see, that outlook isn't so attractive either.

I'd say a huge reason why Japanese men aren't doing household tasks is because they are babied, spoiled, by their mothers during childhood. Then, when they go off to get married, they expect their wife to do all the cooking and cleaning, just as their mother did and the cycle just repeats itself.

There is that old joke about the Japanese husband complaining to his wife about her Miso Soup.

"Uchi no Okaasan to chigau."

I'd say a huge reason why Japanese men aren't doing household tasks is because they are babied, spoiled, by their mothers during childhood. Then, when they go off to get married, they expect their wife to do all the cooking and cleaning, just as their mother did and the cycle just repeats itself.

There is that old joke about the Japanese husband complaining to his wife about her Miso Soup.

"Uchi no Okaasan to chigau."

japanese husbands spend few hours on household tasks -- just 47 minutes versus 24/7 for wives...

so do you think japanese men should do more housework?

vote + for YES, vote - for NO

I personally know of at least two cases where the child was taken from the mother and custody given to the father, including a case where both parents were Japanese. And I know a case where the Japanese father abducted the child and wouldn't let the foreign mother see it. So while many of these custody cases in the past have involved the mother getting custody, it hasn't always been the case.