Take our user survey and make your voice heard.
Hitooshi is a Japanese online dating service, but more specifically it’s a konkatsu service. Literally translating as “marriage activity,” konkatsu is a term used when singles in Japan aren’t looking for just a casual dating partner, but for a serious relationship with someone who’s searching for a spouse.
Hitooshi recently conducted a survey among its users of its service over the past year, asking them what the most important thing they’re looking for in the future bride or groom is. A total of 2,018 responses were collected, and Hitooshi broke down the data to determine top five lists for men and women.
- Good conversationalist (chosen by men)
- Understanding/respect (chosen by women)
As we’ll see a little later on, good conversation skills were ranked even higher by women, coming in third on their list, and even ladies’ number-five answer was related to communication, as the example of understanding/respect that gave included “listening to me when I’m talking” and “not denying me my opinion.”
- Independence (chosen by men)
- Sincerity (chosen by women)
Neither of the number-four answers showed up on the opposite gender’s list (examples of sincerity, by the way, included “won’t cheat on me” and “won’t lie to me”). That might not mean that women don’t care about self-sufficiency and guys are indifferent to loyalty, though, but rather that marriage-minded women in Japan expect a guy doing konkatsu to be independent, and men likewise take it as a given that konkatsu women will be sincere.
- Thoughtfulness/consideration (chosen by men)
- Good conversationalist (chosen by women)
The importance of being able to carry on a conversation checks in on the women’s list, and we’ll be seeing another overlap in a moment.
- Acceptance of my interests/hobbies (chosen by men)
- Thoughtfulness/consideration (chosen by women)
Between men’s replies here and “independence” at number four on their list, it seems like konkatsu men are hoping to maintain a certain amount of the lifestyle they’ve become accustomed to even after getting married. That might be because, typically, men who are using konkatsu services, as opposed to just regular dating services, tend to be older than their female counterparts, and thus more likely to have settled into certain comfortable patterns in their life as singles so far.
On the other hand, at the top of the list, men and women said they wanted the same thing in a spouse.
- Good looks (chosen by men)
- Good looks (chosen by women)
Yep, when asked what they’re looking for in their future life partner, the most common response from both men and women was good looks. However, the way they defined “good looks” wasn’t always the same. When asked what they meant by the term, the most common answer from men (given by 38 percent of them) was “Someone who’s attractive,” whereas the top description from women, coming from 58 percent, was “Someone who looks clean and well-groomed.” However, that still might not indicate a very stark difference of opinion, since “attractive” and “clean” aren’t mutually exclusive ways to describe a person, and often go hand in hand in baseline appearance preferences in Japan.
That doesn’t necessarily mean that looks are the number-one priority for all Japanese people who want to get married, though. When Hitooshi sifted through the data for the responses from its users who did enter into a serious romantic relationship over the past year (regardless of whether they met their partner through Hitooshi or somewhere else), the top five things they wanted in a spouse were different.
● Chosen by men
- Acceptance of my interests/hobbies
- Good looks
- Independence
- Thoughtfulness/consideration
- Good morals/manners
● Chosen by women
- Sincerity
- Good conversationalist
- Good looks
- Mental stability
- Thoughtfulness/consideration
Good looks still show up on both lists, though, so while beauty is in the eye of the beholder, being easy on the eyes will still boost both men and women’s marriage stock.
Source: PR Times via Otakomu
Read more stories from SoraNews24.
-- How much do Japanese men and women pay on dates? Survey finds large gap
-- Japanese men list seven traits that would make it impossible for them to date a woman
-- Buddhist temple singles parties: The enlightened way to find a romantic partner
- External Link
- https://soranews24.com/2022/12/12/japanese-men-and-woman-both-have-the-same-top-requirement-for-a-spouse-in-konkatsu-poll/
37 Comments
Login to comment
Nemo
Not chosen, but thought by everyone of both genders “basic sexual competence and a willingness to learn needs”
sadly, this seems to be more applicable to males.
wallace
I'm all of the above.
David Brent
They left out the #1 requirement for 99% of women: a man with a good bank balance.
virusrex
"Good looks" is not only a subjective parameter, it is also something that changes for the person according to many circumstances. People tend to consider a familiar face much more attractive than one they are seeing for the first time.
Rodney
Women: control of salary
Men: hide money to “play”.
regarding good looks, I have great difficulty telling the difference between Japanese men and women in the mask error. Both have same body shape.
Yrral
Want find these in Japanese mens I would prefer a woman,that is competence and secure with herself,my only qualifications
blahblah222
Japanese woman does not care about money, only looks. They would do papa-katsu to gave you money if you look good.
May be when they are 35+ they would gave consideration to money, but I have never met anyone below that age that cared. If you dont have a male idol look, besides papa-katsu dont expect to get any matches no matter how much you make.
Michael Machida
If you find the best partner, money is important but both work on it together. If you get a bad partner, only the ATM Male should pay for everything here in Japan.
Sven Asai
Yes, those are of course only the nice public answers in surveys or interviews. lol
Chico3
I'm surprised "good salary" and being an ATM Male wasn't mentioned by women.
Aly Rustom
Oh absolutely! There are surveys of that on Youtube and some of the reasons that Japanese cite for saying NO just make you shake your head.
proxy
How do they define "good looks?"
For men across time and cultures, the hip/waste ratio (child bearing) is paramount and for woman across time and cultures a square jaw (determined by male hormones) is top of the list.
Of course, regardless of what people say, the most attractive thing is money.
Abe234
Right! And when they get married and the kids pop out all those hopes and dreams will hit reality.
Acceptance of my interests/hobbies,Good looks, Independence, Thoughtfulness/considerationGood morals/manners
Sincerity
Good conversationalist
Good looks
Mental stability
Thoughtfulness/consideration.
these are going right out the window, at 3am , screaming kid, poopy nappies, everyone grumpy and tired and you no longer become l boyfriend or girlfriend. No! You become Mum and Dad. Kiss goodbye to romance, unless they want another child. Poor deluded creatures! LoL
Aly Rustom
Abe234- Hit the nail on the head
finally rich
This is Sora News, you have to skip the 2, 3 first paragraphs of nonsense to finally go to the actual news, sometimes you find it in the middle of the page.
smithinjapan
People who have to ask a company to tell them who is appropriate for them have already failed and will not find true love through it.
1glenn
It is often remarked upon that the two major reasons for arguments and break-ups are differences in attitudes towards sex and money, in either order. Although, I think differences in religion should also be listed as a potential problem.
1glenn
Regarding babies, for those who can afford it, I recommend one parent staying home to parent, while the other goes out to earn bread. That is what we did. I can't imagine getting up repeatedly to change diapers, and then spending all day at work.
Tom San
Yeah, sure you all are.
lol
Ego Sum Lux Mundi
It's the same everywhere:
Men marry women hoping they'll stay the same, women marry men hoping they'll change.
Gaijinjland
@Rodney
”regarding good looks, I have great difficulty telling the difference between Japanese men and women in the mask error. Both have same body shape.“
Lol. You mean lack of any discernible curves and inability to fill out a pair of jeans?
Kumagaijin
Yup, make sure a woman compliments your life and enters YOUR frame. She doesn't like your hobbies, sayonara! I see way too many men with that "Happy wife, happy life" mentality. Don't be a Beta.
Stephen Chin
After that poll, how to make the marraige and love last a lifetime? With no problems leading to divorce? Simple. No queen sized for husband and wife to sleep together 365 days. Husband sleeps in one twin bed and, wife sleeps in another twin bed in another room. Ocassionally, sleep together in one twin bed in husband's or wife's bedroom.
proxy
You can "believe" what you want to believe but the reality is that very few woman marry down. A male doctor is very likely to marry a stay-at-home woman who will look after his kids but a female doctor is highly unlikely to marry a stay-at-home man who will look after her kids.
If you as a young man, want the pick of the best mates, make some money and if any young man is wondering why they are going home alone, start paying for everything and you will find that suddenly every woman you are on a date with, want to go home with you.
kohakuebisu
It's as if they want the reader to recompile the response in order as a reading comprehesion test with the answer revealed at the bottom.
fwiw, I'm not a teacher, but have seen Eiken questions where it was "John goes to school at 7, Lisa never arrives after 8. Lucy gets there between 7:30 and 8:30. How many children are there at 8am?" which is more of a test of pointlessly mindbending logic as it is of English ability.
On the actual topic, these surveys tend to include opinions about relationships from people who are not in them and have never been in one. Which suggests the opinion must be based on the single data point of parents or what has been seen in TV or in movies.
towingtheline
Let's be honest. 99.9% of men want:
Nice ass
Big boobs
Sense of humor
Make a nice sandwich afterwards
LoyaltyIf those basic needs are met, she is a keeper despite beauty and money.
Andy
"good looks" really, when 90% of Japanese cover their faces with anti-social masks.
theFu
People you like become more attractive over time, even if they aren't initially attractive or are only "average" to you.
When you hear, "we would make beautiful babies", it is time to decide if you are interested or want to move on.
My father's advice was to look at her mother, since that is what she will grow into. I've certainly grown to be much like my father, which is both good and bad.