Husbands happy, wives stressed over parenting during stay-home spell

Still no money from Abe here in Setagaya-ku. Gross incompetence. My family could have starved to death for all they know.

Well they know I'm safe and well as the city tax bills keep rolling in and are paid on time.

Well always knew the "Housewives Of Japan" loved their freedom! With kids, both little and big at home, they have to play mommy 24/7 and that also cuts into their "free time", so of course their going to be stressed out!

I surprised it's not higher!

Of course the wives are stressed. Having their husbands at home is like having another child to care for.

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I honestly don't understand why most Japanese people bother getting married.

Seems an odd sentiment when 50 percent of the wives and 70 percent of the husbands are reporting happiness in being forced to spend more time with each other. 40 percent of unhappy wives is less than half, and the article does not say what percentage of the 30 percent were unhappy as opposed to no change.

As much as I will concede that men are clueless about a lot of important things, on the other end of the spectrum so many women will run themselves ragged over things that don't matter or can wait. The key to fixing the situation is for the wives to just let some things go until the husband notices a problem and picks up the slack.

Sounds like a possible failure to communicate, and compromise, for the unhappy ones. Raising children should be a two person job. If a husband stays home and ruins the dynamic, then the couple should sit down together and work out how they are raising their children. Parents should be a team, not a dictatorship of one, and not an undermining of the other parent. Having a husband at home shouldn't be stressing out one's partner in a healthy working relationship. Sad that supposedly grown adults can't figure this out.

Everyone needs alone time, especially when homes are tiny and people are stumbling over each other or having to hear the other person breath 24/7.

Before: Daily shopping/yoga/coffeeshop morning amenities. No husband around.

Lockdown: Daily mom duties with kids and a husband they barely care about.

Perhaps Japanese wives could work on the sexless marriage problem now. No wonder they are stressed.

how bout us house husbands?

So Japanese dads are beginning to know what 'dad' means?

Tokyo Joe

Same here in Nagoya. Applied over 6 weeks ago and still nothing but sure as hell getting my city tax bills .

In Ishikawa, abeの金was given way back but finally recieved abeのマスクjust recently. Its sad that in major cities like tokyo, nagoya, and where ever else families with children and working parents are still waiting for abeの金from their locial governments. Something really has to be wrong with these cities and how their welfare systems. If it was 市民税these local governments would be after you as soon as possible being the other way around they seem to care less.

It is blatantly clear that that BOTH husband & wife roles are messed up in Japan & have been for decades.

I think a ton of husbands would love to be more involved in their kids lives but clearly most wifes DONT want that.

It is so sad that the majority of husbands in Japan are tolerated at best.

No wonder the birth rate is so low, I dont ever see it rising. While I love kids & am SO glad I dont have any in Japan it would have been too stressful, those with little ones I wish you well & hope you can communicate with your spouses & come up with a game plan!

Yes once again everything is the wive's fault. We hear ya, fellas.

I wonder what kind of job's the men in the article have where they all this extra time to spend with their kids? My husband works the same amount as he did before, just at home, which is why it's harder for us because it's hard to keep a child quiet and out of the way enough for him to have zoom meetings all day, giving presentations, conference calls, etc. I assume these are the guys who just spend the entire day ****ing about and the entire night at nomikai.

The basic results of the survey, that fathers would like to be home more and some mothers aren't too happy about that, should surprise no-one. I would have surprised me back in the days when I worked at an English conversation school and spent all day listening to housewives criticize their husbands, but I have my own family now and have observed many others. The longer I stay in Japan, the more sympathy I have for Japanese men. Ambitious women who do not want to game the system as a housewife are big losers too, of course.

You even try to influence the kids education or sports and you can expect to be verbally or emotionally abused until you butt out of her jurisdiction.

Thats why my marriage failed. Living with the in-laws didn't help much either. I wanted my son to play baseball. Nope. Apparently thats not my business.

Your perspective as a foreign wife with a Japanese husband is totally different from a foreign husband with a Japanese wife.

Even more importantly its different from a Japanese husband and wife, which is who this article is primarily about. Its definitely not about husband and wives around the world.

Yes once again everything is the wive's fault. We hear ya, fellas.

And that was just not fair to any of the comments here at all, and certainly not the general themes being presented. The husbands certainly cannot be accused of "asking" stay home. They are the ones who have been removed from their usual daytime surroundings and the ones with the most need to adjust you know. No one is saying the wife has it easy, but its not like EVERY aspect of her day just got tweaked. I am sure the husbands of discontented housewives would just love to go back to the office if that was an option.

Wives think husbands salary transporting machines. They do not want their husbands all the time with them.

I think the problem may be that when both wife and husband work full time,

they find a way to share in home life.

But now that everyone is forced to be home,

the roles are pushed back to the wife taking care of the home,

children, and still have her own job responsibilities (remotely.)

This puts an extra burden on the wife,

and if the husband does not offer to share in this burden,

there is stress and unbalance.

@Reckless

Your perspective as a foreign wife with a Japanese husband is totally different from a foreign husband with a Japanese wife. Instead of constantly criticizing our honest viewpoint you could shed light on your own unique burdens as a foreign wife in Japan.

If you just switch the words around, the same applies to you? I mean, if your wife is so miserable having you home, maybe the problem is with you? I don't actually think the husbands in this country are actually just ****ing about at work all day but its the same thought process as all of these men thinking the women here just sit at home all day and do nothing but waste money and go out to eat.

"40 percent of wives felt stressed at having to be with their kids and husbands all the time and cause family discord"

These are the same 40 % who sit at cafe shops all over Japan for 2-4 hrs and drink 1 cup of coffee. After this they rush to the stores to buy what they need and rushing to clean up before the kids come home from school and seem busy and tired for the hard day...did I get this right?

This comment here^^^^ spot on

remember 30 years ago when Japanese wives went crazy having to deal with their husbands 6 to 5 day work weeks?

I’m sure glad my wife (Japanese) is not like the housewives in this article. I do let her see her friends or family when she wants to without question, and I do enjoy taking care of our girls. No way would I have married one of these freedom or stay at home women. Forget that!

I don’t see the problem? Surely the children should be with Nanny in the nursery anyway? :)

Perhaps the solution is that they should normally have more time together so it would not be such a culture shock?

Well, on one hand you’ve got the corona problem and on the other all kinds of problems. What a dilemma!

Here is another prime example of a non-story. Read the stats backwards for a clear understanding.

70 percent of husbands in Japan felt more positive , and 60 percent of wives DID NOT feel stressed at having to be with their kids and husbands all the time.... [not much difference]

However, THREE in FOUR housewives whose husbands have experienced teleworking said they WANT their husbands to continue the practice, according to the survey. [75%--sounds like a great number of positives here, folks]

Meanwhile, 78 PERCENT of female respondents said they DID NOT grow irritated more often ... and 88.7 percent DID NOT GET frustrated .... [Almost 80% and 90% positive --sounds like just one or two per hundred. Great job all--telework is a success and it is bringing families closer together in almost 80% of the cases!]

Where is the story. There is no story.

Sounds like Meiji Yasuda Life Insurance Co. has statisticians who can't tell a story so they flip good data to make it sound bad

I'm stressed to the max. Mrs has been like a helicopter jailer since she's been teleworking every day. She's stressed, too. I'm still doing my usual work, but with zero downtime. Too much stress, anxiety, and bickering. I'm ready to depart.

I'm going to give an honest observation of marriage in Japan. Both men and women are under pressure from their parents and from their peers (especially if they are married and the Christmas cake stuff) to get married and start a family. So they often get married to someone that really isn't a good match, but they settle because they don't have unlimited time to search for someone else. So husband and wife really don't get along and they settle into traditional societal roles and they spend as little time together as possible. Husbands go golfing or to the izakayas and the women do the cafe shopping thing or whatever. Women take responsibility for the kids and the husbands are free to do as they please as long as the monthly salary is in the bank. So when you have a pandemic like this forcing couples to spend more time together, its the wife who controls the home that feels stressed.

"but 40 percent of wives felt stressed at having to be with their kids and husbands all the time"

And therein lies the rub... when you believe your role as is simply as a housewife and the love of your husband and children is dependent on them mostly not being home, and then your "responsibilities" are predetermined to certain things at certain times of days, you'll never be happy, and always stressed if things don't fit the spelled out schedule. I have never met so many people in one nation or ethnic group who, when you ask, "Oh, you travelled? You had lunch out today? You went for coffee? Was it with your husband?" you are met with laughter when the person asked assumes your joking, then bafflement when they realize you're serious. It is a said statement when the norm is that men (and some women) work so much and/or are out on work-related matters that their children barely know their faces, let alone who they really are, and are happy to see and be with their children for a brief time due to rampant disease, and at the same time the women are troubled by having to spend time with them. It's no wonder Japan has one of the highest, if not the highest, divorce rate among seniors (when the men retire), and how people like the 40% of women in this survey look at you like you're joking when you explain the term "second honeymoon" and how men and women mostly look forward to being retired and spending more time together (if they survive that long as a couple to begin with, of course). I truly pity these people.