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Court rules against divorced parents seeking access to children

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By Chang-Ran Kim

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Perina remains married to her, has full parental rights and has been paying alimony of 170,000 yen a month since December 2016.

Deny me access to my kids and all payments stop.

22 ( +26 / -4 )

Is not in the rule book of what we can do, so we can't do it.

9 ( +9 / -0 )

So, a Japanese can take off with the kids and the other parent can do basically nothing?

23 ( +24 / -1 )

These people need to gather together.... get as many people as they can, heck I'll even go with them and protest on the sidewalk of the National Diet Building. This problem has been going on for decades now with no real progress. They need to organize and protest.

15 ( +18 / -3 )

BungleToday  06:59 am JST

Perina remains married to her, has full parental rights and has been paying alimony of 170,000 yen a month since December 2016.

Deny me access to my kids and all payments stop.

While I certainly understand why you'd feel that way, unless your spouse is making enough to support the kids by him or herself, all you're doing by withholding alimony is punishing your children and ensuring they grow up impoverished.

6 ( +17 / -11 )

Japan is not at fault for the inability of parents to see their children after separating despite having visitation rights, a court ruled on Friday, in a case that critics say highlights the ineptitude of a judicial system that lacks enforcement powers.

Ok. WHO IS???

A family court rejected Perina's plea for custody and granted him two hours' visitation a month.

> Court documents reviewed by Reuters show Perina's wife had claimed domestic violence but the judge ruled against her, saying her testimony lacked credibility.

So she lies to the court and still gets custody???

The World Health Organization this year classified parental alienation as a health condition, while the United Nations stipulates children should have the right to maintain bonds with both parents.

Then it is up to the international community, especially the UN, to call out Japan and name and shame it on this. It also needs to condemn japan when they talk about human rights and how japan respects them.

14 ( +16 / -2 )

Perina remains married to her, has full parental rights and has been paying alimony of 170,000 yen a month since December 2016.

Explain something to me. If he is still married, he is not paying alimony. Child-support ok. Alimony, by definition is ordered by a court after the dissolution/divorce of a marriage or legal partnership

Also, if he is still married, he should not have been a part of this lawsuit, as the suit clearly stated that it was about "divorced" parents seeking parental rights.

15 ( +16 / -1 )

Strange, I was under the impression that alimony doesn't exist in Japan?

Also, why is the gentleman in the article remaining married to this woman? Is this a translation error? Why would you have to pay alimony to someone you're still married to? It obviously doesn't provide him access to his children. He should probably take that alimony money and go up north to collect some divorce papers.

Barring actual abuse, I would never prevent my husband from seeing our child if we divorced. Now, I would probably have to go back to the States to earn a decent living to provide for my child (I have a STEM degree but it's unless I'm willing to be an English teacher it's useless here, especially as a woman)... which would make it difficult for my husband to see her regularly. I would also never leave her, especially in Japan as she's a girl. It's a tough situation for divorced international couples, especially in Japan. If you're considering marrying a Japanese national, make sure you talk all of this through thoroughly before you get married. Luckily my husband and I have been going strong for 15 years and neither of us are the vengeful type.

Meanwhile, you can say that taking away the alimony might harm the children, but not seeing their father also harms the children and the mother doesn't seem to care about that. Maybe the thought of losing the support would make the mom realize she needs to honor the custody agreement?

20 ( +20 / -0 )

While I certainly understand why you'd feel that way, unless your spouse is making enough to support the kids by him or herself, all you're doing by withholding alimony is punishing your children and ensuring they grow up impoverished.

Alimony goes to the wife. Child-support is for the children and the courts here can and do force the parent who, typically the father, to pay child support, and WILL garnish wages if necessary.

Typically though as well, most mothers do not go through the legal hassle to get it, and would rather cut all ties.

One thing that seems off here to me, is if he is paying that much money per month in child-support, he has a way to contact her through the information used when he transfers the money.

He COULD stop the money one month, or hold it back, and see how fast she gets in touch.

There is a HELL of a lot missing from his story here!

19 ( +19 / -0 )

Unlike most developed countries Japan has no joint-custody system after divorce,

It's 20 Century Japan 20 .

and court-ordered visitation rights are often ignored with impunity.

Justice systems should have way to enforce their rulling but Japan has plenty laws that have no penalties at all, that just ridiculous.

10 ( +11 / -1 )

Explain something to me. If he is still married, he is not paying alimony. Child-support ok. Alimony, by definition is ordered by a court after the dissolution/divorce of a marriage or legal partnership

Alimony can be ordered during a separation, which is what sounds like happened here.

3 ( +4 / -1 )

Be forewarned before you marry a Japanese person and decide to live in Japan.

During a divorce, you can enter into a "negotiated settlement" that the court will approve and enforce. The custodial parent is required to agree they will pay X amount of money if they refuse you visitation rights.

The court will enforce the payment. Obviously, having regular access to your child has a value that is almost impossible to determime.

7 ( +7 / -0 )

 Why would you have to pay alimony to someone you're still married to?

How much do you want to bet that he is still married to her for his spouse visa? His children are still pretty young, and depending upon the situation, odds are that he still has a spouse visa and not a permanent resident.

So, they stay married, she gets money, and he gets to stay in Japan.

10 ( +10 / -0 )

A family court rejected Perina's plea for custody and granted him two hours' visitation a month.

Court documents reviewed by Reuters show Perina's wife had claimed domestic violence but the judge ruled against her, saying her testimony lacked credibility.

there is the scenario. I was divorced 8 years ago with two small children. I didn’t have any access to the at all for the first year, despite efforts to do so. Over the next few years I was allowed to spend a few hours a month with them, but they were never allowed a sleep over. I got a new partner five years ago and was ordered that my kids were not allowed to spend any time with my new partner. Any visitation had to be in a public place and alone. ‘She’ found out from one of my kids that they had been to my house and didn’t time with my new partner and she cut me off from any visitation completely. This was over three years ago. My kids are now in high school. I applied to the family court to get some kind of settlement and access to my kids. ‘She’ just responded with, “I fear violence’ and that was the end of any negotiations. I went to my kids’ high school to pick them and spend some time with them a little over two years ago. My kids told ‘her’ about it and ‘she’ contacted the police and put a stalking order on me against my kids. I did nothing to this woman. My kids live 5k away from me and I am not permitted to go within 1k of them or their house.

.

Oh, and child support. ‘She’ told the court I had to pay ¥5,000 per hour, per child for visitation and the family court supported it.

This court ruling is quite typical of Japan. I know many men (not just foreigners) who have been cut off from the kids for no reason other than ‘she’ has the all the power and can say and do whatever ‘she’ likes. Even during the mediation after divorce she used my access to the kids to get what she wanted. She made her ridiculous demands and if I didn’t agree, I would not get any access to my kids. This scenario should never be allowed in a so-called ‘developed country’. These women use their children as pawns in their delusional power play. It’s absolutely absurd!

24 ( +24 / -0 )

Scroll down through the link for information on alimony and child support, in English!

http://en.rikon-tj.jp/legalinfo.html

7 ( +7 / -0 )

has full parental rights

No he doesn't, and If my wife could easily deny me the right to talk to my children, I do not either.

For me, this is easily the worst thing about Japan. It is worse than the sexism, the racism or any of the bullying. It openly encourages parents, usually mothers, to poison children against the other parent. Such environment violates the human rights of the child.

16 ( +17 / -1 )

Yubaru: As always, thanks for the link. It also explains why dude is paying alimony whilst still being married.

7 ( +7 / -0 )

Yubaru: As always, thanks for the link. It also explains why dude is paying alimony whilst still being married.

I have a distinct feeling that he is not paying any alimony, and he is paying child-support, of his own choice.

He is not divorced, so, the court would not be involved. I also believe that the article, or I should say the people who translated the article, mistranslated the alimony, and were talking about him paying yoiku-hi, or child support.

Again, that would also be of his own choosing as he is still married. Hence my questioning why he is even involved in this case in the first place.

Quite a few things here about him and his case do not make sense, based upon that his is still married.

6 ( +6 / -0 )

This is a sad story. What a mess.

This is one area where Japan needs to up its game. Poor children are growing up deficient of one parent, which is not healthy. Boys need a female model, and girls need a male model. Without both, the children face an uphill battle in understanding the opposite sex, and how to deal with them.

11 ( +13 / -2 )

This ruling is ridiculous. This ruling is also one that could greatly affect me. Having two parents in your life can still be far more beneficial than having one. Even if the parents are divorced, a child would naturally want a relationship with their entire family. Feeling connected to where you are from is important. Knowing that someone can just take off with your child also greatly affects the relationship between the parents. For some, this could mean living in a constant state of fear and anxiety.

10 ( +11 / -1 )

I agree with Chip Star's comment: "Be forewarned before you marry a Japanese person and decide to live in Japan." And JJ Jetplane's comment: "For some, this could mean living in a constant state of fear and anxiety."

Some time back there was a report on Australian TV (7:30 Report) about this issue (non-Japanese man with Japanese ex-wife?) and while it was somewhat incomplete in terms of details, the segment exposed how a Japanese spouse (typically the wife) can for whatever reason take the child/ren from Australia move back to Japan and deny the husband/father from access to the child/ren, usually by not disclosing her address. I can understand this when there's DV involved but in other cases?

So what does this say about marriage and having children under Japanese law? Um, don't get married (stay single no children...that's what is being encouraged in times of decreasing population!!!) or if you are planning to, do your (legal) homework before you get hitched whether you're a non-Japanese or a Japanese it doesn't seem to matter! And what does this say about the Japanese legal system and other Japanese social institutions?

9 ( +9 / -0 )

@Wildwill, what program was that?

It seems the judicial system in Japan needs an overhaul of the family law because this seems to be a common problem in Japan. At the end of the day it is the children who suffer as a result of their parents inability to come to some mutual agreement.

5 ( +6 / -1 )

Oops, 7:30 report! Got it!

If the Italian PM couldn’t help then I don’t know what else this guy can do.

2 ( +2 / -0 )

@ Do the hustle

Anyone who reads your story would deeply sympathize with you. Children with a loving parent should never be alienated from their flesh and blood. Every poster at JT will wish for you a speedy reconciliation with your family. This inhumane situation in Japan has gone on far too long. Those responsible should hang their heads in shame, in lieu of which all means must be employed to right these injustices and egregious violations of human rights that stain the reputation of the Japanese. Our prayers go with you for a happy resolution to your dilemma.

6 ( +7 / -1 )

If you are still married, why are you paying alimony?

Family court has a list of incomes, the number of children and use that to decide how much child support is.

I had to pay for two kids. ¥180,000 a month. SO if all is true in this story, I think the guys income is a bit less than what I was making. ¥11,000,000

He is doing well.

-5 ( +2 / -7 )

I recommend looking up the documentary "Envoyé spécial. Japon, les enfants kidnappés" on the tube. It's in French, but there's a scene at 16:51 where no language is required to understand the emotion. For context, the French father had sent a birthday present to his estranged son (in a previous scene, you see him pleading to his MiL to take the present to his son and send a photo of his son with the present). In the scene in question, he looks at a photo sent to his smartphone...

5 ( +5 / -0 )

I've read a lot about Japanese parents doing one with the kids and the Japan times has a whole segment for it https://www.japantimes.co.jp/tag/parental-child-abduction/

It's scary how people think they can just run off with the children, even Japanese people are affected by it. The first case after the anti-abduction law was enacted actually involved a Japanese mother taking the kids back to Japan away from their father in Indonesia (I assume on a work assignment).

Another dark side to Japan unfortunately

4 ( +7 / -3 )

This is not a "one off" type of story.... hundreds, if not thousands of foreigners suffer the same fate as this man. The problem lies with the Japanese culture itself.... they feel that Proximity is Thicker than Blood. Which basically means that if you've been shunned by the group or are outside of the group.... then even if you're a direct blood relative it does not matter. We have a grandchild in the states. Our son separated from his wife and they have a kid.... my Japanese wife wants Zero to do with this child while I feel a deep responsibility towards the child. Most Japanese kids from broken families never end up knowing the non custodial parent. Over the thousands of years of Japanese culture it came to be this way..... but it still does not make it right at all.

8 ( +8 / -0 )

excellent example of Japanese mastery of slip sliding away from responsibility - In the Tokyo District Court ruling, presiding judge Tatsuro Maezawa said the U.N. treaty was "merely an agreement to respect" those rights but had no binding power.

6 ( +7 / -1 )

Marrying a Japanese comes with some additional risks that likely none of us(self included) paid attention to before marrying a Japanese spouse. My excuse is the internet was just kicking off so info was pretty hard to come by.

Thankfully we have no kids, for more reasons than abduction, but I imagine EVERY non-Japanese spouse worries greatly about this issue & every time there is an argument with your J-spouse people see flashes of the kids disappearing & there is NOTHING anyone can do, & as mentioned this problem MOSTLY affect other Japanese, not just foreigners

Japan has all this so horribly wrong, scary awful situation too many are in & great many fear could happen to them in an instant!

6 ( +7 / -1 )

This judge does not have the authority or fundamental concept in his mind to make judicial legislation. It is like asking a turtle to fly. Treaties in any country require legislative implementation. I would advise persons interested in this topic to cause legislators in Japan to change the law and then the judges can enforce the law. The average Japanese accepts the status quo unfortunately.

9 ( +10 / -1 )

Another way of looking at it is that the judiciary has officially stated that Japan is non-compliant with the "agreement to respect".

Also, it makes the Japan Govt a hypocrite for bleating about NK abductions, when the government itself facilitates cross-border abductions.

13 ( +14 / -1 )

I can only imagine that with the rise in 'Ikumen' in Japan this situation is going to have to change sometime.

It worked in the past when the father had almost no role in raising the kids, but as more and more Japanese fathers take part in raising their kids, they're not going to want to give up on seeing them all of a sudden.

It's a terrible situation, and it's been affecting foreign parents for years, but I wonder if the best hope for everyone is when the situation starts affecting Japanese fathers and that finally gets some movement on the issue.

If I was affected by the problem and good enough at Japanese, I'd be posting questions about it (from a Japanese father's POV) on all the relevant discussion forums, news posts, etc.. in Japanese. I imagine a lot of Japanese Ikumen haven't thought about it.

Everytime a Japanese website has any new post about Ikumen or Fathers taking care of kids, or paternity leave, put a comment along the lines of "I heard that because Japan is the only G20 country without joint custody, if my wife divorces me I'll never get to see my kids again and there will be nothing I can do about it. Is this true?"

8 ( +9 / -1 )

u_s__reamer - @ Do the hustle - Anyone who reads your story would deeply sympathize with you. Children with a loving parent should never be alienated from their flesh and blood. Every poster at JT will wish for you a speedy reconciliation with your family

The only thing keeping me in Japan was to be able to keep a relationship with my kids. However, that boat has sailed. I’m actually leaving Japan in less than two weeks. Perhaps my kids will look me up in the future, but there is a lot of cultural and personal brainwashing they have to ignore before that will happen. That’s life! (in Japan)

13 ( +14 / -1 )

The only thing keeping me in Japan was to be able to keep a relationship with my kids. However, that boat has sailed. I’m actually leaving Japan in less than two weeks. Perhaps my kids will look me up in the future, but there is a lot of cultural and personal brainwashing they have to ignore before that will happen. That’s life! (in Japan)

Regardless of any differences we’ve had in opinion, my heart bleeds for you. I can’t imagine the difficult decision that must have been.

13 ( +14 / -1 )

I mean, my husband is literally the nicest guy in the world, we've talked about it before and it would bring him to tears that I would even think he would try to alienate me from my child if we ever were to divorce. I actually KNOW that he wouldn't, he's just not that kind of guy.

Even I still worry about it. Even though I know he wouldn't even dream of it, even if the world went crazy and we ended up hating one another. But he also has a very... stereotypically Japanese mother. I don't know what she would try to do if we got divorced as she is constantly trying to take over 'parenting' our daughter. Basically any decision I make she tries to overrule me or go behind my back to sway things in her direction. So even I still worry about it even though I'm in a stable and loving relationship with my husband.

I don't know what I would do if I were separated from my daughter. She's literally my whole life. Someone would have to peel me off the floor if she were taken from me. Aside from my daughter's funeral, I haven't spent a night away from her and she's 6 now. She's everything. I imagine a lot of these Fathers feel the same way. I don't know how they go on, to be honest. It would be the end of my world.

7 ( +9 / -2 )

Strangerland - Regardless of any differences we’ve had in opinion, my heart bleeds for you. I can’t imagine the difficult decision that must have been.

Thank you, but the decision was actually pretty easy - after I blocked any emotions and gave up on any hope of ever seeing my kids again. My feelings of anger and disappointment have turned into pity and disgust. I pity my kids and am totally disgusted with the Japanese system. And,

You know, the thing that plays on my mind the most is not the fact that can do it. It’s the fact that they do it and do it to nearly every divorced father in the country. That’s just some seriously trucked up stuff!

11 ( +12 / -1 )

Also, it makes the Japan Govt a hypocrite for bleating about NK abductions, when the government itself facilitates cross-border abductions.

actually it isn't crossborder abduction, Japan has already signed the Hague convention on abductions and has international responsibility to solve those cases, whats the problem is domestics abductions which mostly affects Japanese couples, basically even if a mother takes the kids away and the courts rule that the father can have visitation rights if the mother refuses then the courts dont have any legal framework to enforce it, a law without enforcement isnt worth the paper its written on. The fact is your more likely to get

enforcement if your children are abducted internationally than they are domestically in Japan.

Ive noticed even the regular "dont bash Japan" posters havent really got anything to say about this draconian legal system

9 ( +11 / -2 )

wtfjapan - actually it isn't crossborder abduction, Japan has already signed the Hague convention on abductions and has international responsibility to solve those cases,

Yeah, but, even the international abductions are still subject to Japan's draconian and ridiculous rules. When they signed the Hague, they stipulated that no previous cases would be addressed leaving hundreds of abducted kids in limbo and fathers with no further legal options. Now, any case that does appear suffers the same 'what she says goes' rules. She just walks into the court and says, "I fear violence" and it is all over, regardless of the truth.

The reason it is like this is because so many Japanese husbands are violent towards their wives and children. This is what has created this situation. In cases involving foreigners the cultural prejudice shines through. There are no negotiations or evidence needed. It's utterly ridiculous! the Japanese legal system is a joke! Look what they have done to Ghosn. Gawd help him if his wife was Japanese.

3 ( +6 / -3 )

@Perina. Cut the ‘alimony’ to 2/3 and send a message that it will be 1/2 in three months’ time if there is no improvement in visiting rights. Money is the only thing that speaks to people like this.

6 ( +6 / -0 )

This is so sad. I've known numerous people with the same problem. It's like the Japanese gov't gives their citizens the right to kidnap their kids and prevent them from having any contact with the estranged parent who is often foreign. But in this case, many of the parents seem to be Japanese! Family relationships are often really screwed up here and it is the kids who suffer. This lady is probably telling her kids all kinds of lies about their father, but sometime, when the kids grow up and learn the real story, it might backfire in a dramatic way!

6 ( +6 / -0 )

Even I still worry about it. Even though I know he wouldn't even dream of it, even if the world went crazy and we ended up hating one another. But he also has a very... stereotypically Japanese mother. I don't know what she would try to do if we got divorced as she is constantly trying to take over 'parenting' our daughter. Basically any decision I make she tries to overrule me or go behind my back to sway things in her direction. So even I still worry about it even though I'm in a stable and loving relationship with my husband.

STGaijin,

You are correct to worry about your MIL, hopefully your husband stand up to her on things that apply to your life together, MILs can be as much a part of these problems as the J-spouse abductor!

I am sure we have all read about the cases where the MIL has abducted kids when a J-spouse has passed away & STILL the foreign spouse loses all their rights......very scary stuff.

Hope nothing but GOOD comes your way!

5 ( +5 / -0 )

The only thing keeping me in Japan was to be able to keep a relationship with my kids. However, that boat has sailed. I’m actually leaving Japan in less than two weeks. Perhaps my kids will look me up in the future, but there is a lot of cultural and personal brainwashing they have to ignore before that will happen. That’s life! (in Japan)

I sincerely hope you find more comfort in Oz, if I'm not mistaken as to where you are going. As Stranger said, I feel for you.

8 ( +8 / -0 )

You know, the thing that plays on my mind the most is not the fact that can do it. It’s the fact that they do it and do it to nearly every divorced father in the country. That’s just some seriously trucked up stuff!

It is a disgrace.

All the best, mate.

10 ( +10 / -0 )

actually it isn't crossborder abduction, Japan has already signed the Hague convention on abductions and has international responsibility to solve those cases,

Japan signed and adopted The Hague Convention on International Child Abduction, but its form over substance because the family courts have no authority to take a cjhild into custody and send them back to the other parent.

And there is this that prevents the proper enforcement of the Hague Convention:

Now, any case that does appear suffers the same 'what she says goes' rules. She just walks into the court and says, "I fear violence" and it is all over, regardless of the truth.

The sad part is Japanese parents can use The Hague against their foreign ex-spouse to get the children back in Japan because most countries' family courts have the power to take the children into custody and will give a fair hearing to both sides.

6 ( +7 / -1 )

If any of you fathers feel like divorce is coming down the line, have a comsultstoon with Mikiko Otani to conflict her out of being your wife's lawyer. Mikiko is a great lawyer and aggressive. She's often called on to testify in the states about the lack of danger in children being able o travel to Japan with the ex-Japanese spouse.

You do not want her on the opposing side.

9 ( +9 / -0 )

And yet people here get extremely upset when you point this kind of thing out when addressing Japan's poor human rights' record, and their lip-service laws.

8 ( +10 / -2 )

My California divorced when I was six, and my father moved from Orange County to the Bay Area. I have yet to again see such deep, intractable hatred between two people. Yet, each summer, she'd scrub us to an inch of our lives, carefully prepare our suitcases, and put us on a plane north for a month - certainly not because she wanted to but because, if she didn't, she'd go to jail.

Japan should study California's practices.

10 ( +10 / -0 )

This ruling doesn't just affect foreigners. It also affects the many Japanese fathers that want to have a relationship with their children but are denied that right by the mothers and the government. Finally, this just makes things harder for children.

9 ( +9 / -0 )

This is outrageous. My sympathies to Mr. Perina and all parents that Japan’s archaic and broken family law system have put into situations like his.

3 ( +4 / -1 )

What a blow. A farce.

The Father was 170.000? For 29 months? 4.930.000. He has paid out allot of money paid to the Mrs. for no visitation.

I am sorry but sometimes you have to know when to cut your losses. I would think you have three choices.

Continue the payments and try to get wife back in the marriage and reconcile.

Leave Japan and totally give up and come back when children are of age and be apart of their lives then. No job in Japan. No support. The Mrs. may change her stance then when the payments stop.

A. path that I can not say on a forum that would allow him to leave Japan with the children that has been growing in popularity for those that come from countries that have no legal cooperation in the foreign nationals home country like the USA and others. But risky.
0 ( +1 / -1 )

@Slickdrifter

While I can understand your point of view, should the children really have to suffer for the sins of the parents? Even if I can't see my children, I wouldn't stop providing for them. Doesn't matter what the relationship is between the mother and I. Taking care of my children is something I must do and I won't make it harder for her or pass it off on someone else.

While some mothers may be incredibly selfish, it is still very difficult to be a single mother in Japan and most countries. The laws and the system in Japan don't really do single mothers any justice.

But not taking care of your kids because of your relationship with their mother is akin to cutting off your own nose to spite your face.

4 ( +4 / -0 )

The Father was 170.000? For 29 months? 4.930.000. He has paid out allot of money paid to the Mrs. for no visitation.

You don’t pay for visitation. It’s ridiculous that mothers can withhold visitation rights unilaterally. But regardless money is paid to support the other partner and/or children. It’s not purchased visitation.

5 ( +5 / -0 )

I was aware of custody type problems. As an American expat, I married a Japanese woman and we had two children in Japan. I had been taking care of the children since ages 1 and 3, and the short story is, my ex wife wanted a divorce, and for me it was contingent on giving me custody of the children, as I had heard of problems seeing your own kids and the archaic ideals of parental contact in Japan. She allowed it, and I was a single father with a six and eight year old.

Today, I proudly have a great relationship with my adult age kids, who are both college educated in their young twenties. I raised the kids, with some difficulty, and with little help from my ex wife during the formative years, but always allowed contact whenever she desired. It was imperative in my mind to allow the children access to her, and I had little spite and bitterness toward their mom in that it was definitely the best thing for the children to try and maintain some civil discourse.

As the ex wife succeeded in her work, she has paid for most of the kids' college education, which I am grateful for and it shows that keeping her in the loop was very important for various reasons, but mostly, kids have needs from both parents. They experienced non negotiable love from me. They learned the realities of Japan and life's difficulties from both of us. It's not that my ex wife did not love the children to leave them to me, she did love them, but she was not mature enough nor have the ability raise them, as I did. She just wasn't the person to parent them.

It all worked out, but I thank my ex wife for perhaps having the sense to know she wasn't equipped to be their main parent. I'll never know if she consciously knew this, or just skipped the difficulties and sacrifices, as parenting is difficult enough without being in a foreign country on your own, incapable of reading in Japanese, and she may or may not have realized how I could have easily messed up my children's lives. But I didn't. It may be the only thing I've ever truly succeeded in my life, and I'm happy and lucky to have had the opportunity. Bottom line is the kids are great, happy and productive having good relationships with both me and the ex.

16 ( +16 / -0 )

sunfunbun: Congratulations. You're a wonderful human.

5 ( +5 / -0 )

Do the hustle,

I have loved reading your comments on here.

I have agreed with basically whatever you have commented on.

I am so sorry you will be leaving here,but I understand why you are doing so.

I hope everything works out with you and your kids and I also hope you continue to put messages on here.

You have always told it like it really is........rather than some sugar-coated versions that other posters have put up.

Much respect.

6 ( +7 / -1 )

If a judge has no power to enforce a decision, what is the point of the court being there in the first place?

5 ( +5 / -0 )

While I certainly understand why you'd feel that way, unless your spouse is making enough to support the kids by him or herself, all you're doing by withholding alimony is punishing your children and ensuring they grow up impoverished.

] well the thing is by financially supporting their children and allowing fathers to see their kids even after divorce , the fathers of Japan can still play some part in their children's lives. By not enforcing joint custody the J government is effectively removing the father from the family and making more single mothers, but they're still happy for the father to keep paying child support. What needs to be done is divorced fathers to refuse paying child support this then falls back on the government to foot the bill in the form of welfare, enough fathers do it enforcement change will come very quickly. Lets face it if fathers arent allowed to see their children then effectively they dont have any children anymore why should they be forced to pay support for children that the J government wont allow them to see.

2 ( +3 / -1 )

If a judge has no power to enforce a decision, what is the point of the court being there in the first place?

oh they have plenty of enforcement when it come to lengthening detention of people held under allegations.

3 ( +4 / -1 )

If a judge has no power to enforce a decision, what is the point of the court being there in the first place?

oh they have plenty of enforcement when it come to lengthening detention of people held under allegations.

Yes. Judges in Japan just seem to be a bunch of rubber stampers.

4 ( +5 / -1 )

My eldest made the mistake of marrying a troubled woman with a troubled mother, who had driven her husband out. Cut off from his children, he drank himself to death. My son's now ex-mother-in-law was an enabler for the same pattern, except that it was her daughter who became a drunk, an adulterous drunk. She married our son only because he had a graduate degree from a prestigious university and was able to join a good company...Having driven my son out, she (predictably) won custody of my granddaughter. My wife and I have urged our son to get on with his life, but, now in early middle age, he is a psychological wreck, spending all of his time pursuing the legal farce that this article describes and yearning to see his daughter, whose whereabouts he is not allowed to learn, though he knows that his ex is remarried and living in a posh neighbourhood. His now teenage daughter apparently recently drew a picture of him--with a caption: 生ゴミ 'raw garbage': Her mother has seen to her "education"...I am an old-fashioned,. "famiy-values" conservative; I don't even believe in divorce. But I think my son is beyond naive to think that he can somehow win back his daughter if he goes on paying child support, even though he's debt-ridden, his company having written him off as a nerdy loser...Even Japanese alpha males can lose in the utterly corrupt family court system, but, of course, they generally have advantages....One of the biggest lies told about Japan concerns the supposed "oppression" of women. Alpha males play along with it in order to stomp on beta males--and in order to score with ruthless feminist types.

4 ( +5 / -1 )

@sunfunbun

A heartwarming story. Respect!

@Khuniri

A dispiriting tale. I hope you and your family can find a silver lining to this dark, sad state of affairs. At least, your son's reason for living must be saved at all cost.

4 ( +4 / -0 )

With parents like that no wonder the Japanese families are dwindling in number. The court of injustice is trying to preserve as many kids as possible and not have them tainted by foreign influence. It's OK. When they reach maturity and they get to see the foreign parent the now adult children will see the whole picture & it'll all be clear and the children will judge.

2 ( +3 / -1 )

My situation is similar. But one additional bit of information: The "child support" cannot be deducted from your income on your tax return. My income is just under 3 000 000 yen a year, my expenses just over 3 000 000 yen but I cannot claim the 1 440 000 "child support" as an expense. So I get taxed on about 1 300 000 net income even though I have a negative income. The family court gave me one 3 hour visit a month. Since two years one son has visited but I have not seen his brother for 2 and a half years. A great deal of this is down to the lawyers knowing how the family court works and what they will believe.

4 ( +4 / -0 )

These kind and of cases made me vow never to have kids IN Japan with a Japanese woman.I have a Japanese wife and if we are to have kids,it will not be on Japanese soil.And if we have kids outside Japan and she tries to abduct them to Japan,then I will have prepared for that.Three of my Gaijin friends who have had kids with Japanese ended up loosing their kids just like Tomasso Perina in this article.The wife just waits for the kid to attain an age where he/she can walk and eat without assistance and then pulls the rag under your feet.

-1 ( +1 / -2 )

> > @Spitfire

Do the hustle,

I have loved reading your comments on here.

I have agreed with basically whatever you have commented on.

I am so sorry you will be leaving here,but I understand why you are doing so.

I hope everything works out with you and your kids and I also hope you continue to put messages on here.

You have always told it like it really is........rather than some sugar-coated versions that other posters have put up.

Much respect.

Gees! Thanks a lot mate! I guess most people now understand what makes me such a sweet and lovable guy. (Chuckles)

Bring on the barbies!

6 ( +6 / -0 )

This is all so depressing. Believable, therefore depressing.

2 ( +2 / -0 )

If you love Japan, you would also have to love Japanese laws. If you don't, then don't.

-9 ( +0 / -9 )

If you love Japan, you would also have to love Japanese laws. If you don't, then don't.

That's all very well Akie, but what if Japanese laws are bad laws.

Incidentally, I love my Japanese wife, but I don't love everything about Japan. In fact I think that Japans legal system is a disgrace.

8 ( +8 / -0 )

If you love Japan, you would also have to love Japanese laws.

Rubbish.

Seeing everything through rose-coloured glasses isn't love, it's infatuation.

When you see and acknowledge the whole package, warts and all, can see what's good and what needs fixing, and still aren't put off - that's love.

6 ( +6 / -0 )

Parents who use their children as a weapon in a divorce are a disgrace.

My parents divorced whilst I was still quite young. But they never used me or my siblings as a weapon throughout their divorce. Something that I am thankful for (both sides of my family also remained close and that remains to this day).

4 ( +4 / -0 )

Ditto Ex_Res.

And, the Japanese judiciary system, in particular "judges", is a joke.

5 ( +5 / -0 )

If you love Japan, you would also have to love Japanese laws. If you don't, then don't.

Pure garbage! No place in the world is free from BS laws!

7 ( +7 / -0 )

if you love Japan, you would also have to love Japanese laws. If you don't, then don't.

!?! (...and never the twain shall meet?) A terrifying thought. This has to be a JT classic.

3 ( +4 / -1 )

Shame!

0 ( +0 / -0 )

Why the heck would people thumb me down for giving actual numbers that divorce court gives out when you divorce and have to pay child support. Perhaps you are anti-child support? I am not. I paid up...but I do think they should look at your financials more carefully to see if you are paying a mortgage, because if child support bankrupts you, there is no way that benefits kids as you will not be able to pay anything.

1 ( +1 / -0 )

Until recently hits info on child abductions to Japan was posted on the US Embassy Japan website

https://amview.japan.usembassy.gov/en/child-abduction-graph/ Although the data was only up to 2009

it showed abductions had quadrupled. Suddenly some months ago all of this info was deleted.

US citizens should demand updated accurate information be posted.

The bar graph below graphically shows the rapid increase in the number of parental child abduction cases to Japan since the year 2000. Depicting statistics provided by the United States, United Kingdom, Australia, Canada, and France, the chart shows the growth in the number of cases tracked by these countries from the year 2000 through Nov. 30, 2009.

All cases shown are the result of a Japanese spouse removing the child of an international marriage from a foreign country to Japan without the consent of the other parent, or unlawfully keeping a child in Japan in violation of custody or visitation arrangements. Many of the cases involve multiple children.

In these five countries alone, the number of cases of parental child abduction to Japan has almost doubled in the past two years and has more than quadrupled in the past four years.

0 ( +0 / -0 )

sorry for typos

0 ( +0 / -0 )

To date, no child has been returned to his/her country of habitual residence as a result of any action taken by the government of Japan. data on child abductions to Japan was on the US Embassy website until recently then inexplicably removed it shows child abductions doubled then quadrupled up to 2009 https://amview.japan.usembassy.gov/en/child-abduction-graph/

0 ( +0 / -0 )

I would think it the right of every citizen to know beforehand and the obligation of their country’s officials to caution its citizens - the country they are about to visit for pleasure or business has a history sheltering the parent of that country should they abduct their child leaving the foreign parent no recourse to obtain visitation or custody such as has happened many times in Japan. So why isn't this being done by foreign countries whose citizens frequent Japan? Why is it not internationally publicized? I'd want to know beforehand. Warnings are issued on state dept. website about countries dangerous to visit. How about countries that are dangerous to visit with children of a local spouse?

0 ( +0 / -0 )

I agree with a few of the other posters. I would immediately cut all support payments until full visitation rights were granted in a legally binding contract with serious consequences for breach of such on both sides for fairness.

When her and the kids become a constant financial burden to her family they may force her to reconcile. Let her wrangle through the inept justic system to get payments at which point you can inform the court in order for you to pay you need to have access to them. If not, tell them you wont pay period! And they can lock you up in which case you wont be able to pay anyway. If I could not see my kids I would not care if I was locked up until I until the day I died. Then my children, when they grow up would have zero doubt as to how much dad loved and missed them and what a horrid piece of excrement the wife was!

0 ( +0 / -0 )

@sunfunbun

youre lucky because your wife was reasonable and also liked working.

some Japanese are reasonable. But when it comes to divorce and seeing kids over half are not.

some of us haven’t seen children for years.

it’s hell.

really.

and often the ex is on welfare plus getting money from us plus doing cash in hand work.

they are the sympathy as a single mother, money , kids . We have nothing.

good for you.

0 ( +0 / -0 )

btw until you are officially divorced you can be forced to pay alimony and child support.

Because you have to support your wife as long as you are married. Regardless of debts and even if she is refusing to let you see kids.

so trying to stay married doesn’t work when it comes to seeing your kids.

you can still be arrested for trying to see them even if married and supporting your wife.

its too late for many, but it comes down to who you marry - and/or their parents.

to the woman who said her mother-in-law is trying to run your kids lives - don’t let her.

but remember - a man with parents who leaves taking the kids will win .

This goes for Japanese as well, but more so for a foreign mother .

0 ( +0 / -0 )

@yubaru

As someone who has been through this I can tell you there is nothing strange about this.

they are still married but going through the process of divorce which can take years until both parties agree on money and kids.

Once his wife moved out she can not let him see kids, but they are still married she will and can expect to be supported because he has the obligation. The main amount of the 170000 he is paying probably child support.

he may have agreed to that higher figure than he needs because he was told it would make her want to let him see kids.

but once he says he’ll pay that - if he doesn’t the court can order his company to not give him ANY salary until it’s paid.

he just can’t stop paying, unless he leaves the country.

and as crazy as it sounds , once she leaves , he just can’t go and see the kids or go to school or he could be arrested.

Nobody wants to be arrested and have to tell their company they don’t know when they can return to work.

whoever takes the kids first wins.

but - a foreign man with no parents here has almost no chance of pulling it off.

its not just a man /woman thing..

i know women who haven’t seen their child for years.

0 ( +0 / -0 )

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