One-third of Japan's unmarried adults under 50 have never dated

said they would only date someone for the purpose of finding a marriage partner.

The one kind I'd never want to marry. Marrying someone for the purpose of marriage alone. They'll marry whoever, whatever.

I am available girls…not getting any younger

Among men of all age groups who do not want to marry, the top reason, given by 42.5 percent, was the financial strain of married life.

But think of your country. Get a better job, work longer for the sake of the future of the nation. You can't be patriotic and ignore your responsibilities to produce the next generation.

You can't be patriotic and ignore your responsibilities to produce the next generation.

Yeah Moonraker, not quite sure if patriotic duty to have kids is gunna cut it with this generation. I’d be pushing the psychological and mental health factors to bring people together. Life is a long and lonely road without companionship. Making the effort to find that special partner in life is a game changer. Push the inter personal relationships and the kids will come.

Among men of all age groups who do not want to marry, the top reason, given by 42.5 percent, was the financial strain of married life. As for women, 40.5 percent said they do not want to compromise their freedom and independence.

When the government fails to address the flawed culture that makes both of these reasons "unavoidable" this is hardly a surprise. People (specially young people) see marriage and forming a family being promoted as a burden that they have to assume and the natural reaction is to oppose it. Specially when the effort necessary to survive without the extra responsibilities is high enough already.

You see, Ricky, you and I both realise that but there is a core of patriotic men that fit these descriptions that I like to address.

If it's not on the test, why bother studying?

I married for love. That is why I've been in Japan for over 30 years and will continue to live here even after my wife's recent death. Life-changing decisions are not on the test.

I'd like to know what these people live for. Are they doing something that's more important than having a relationship with someone? Somehow I don't think so. Certainly with prices rising, wage stagnating and crippling taxes poised to go up even more, starting a family is a daunting process, but if they wanted to they could. I'd be very interested in reading opinions about what brings about this situation.

I'd like to know what these people live for. Are they doing something that's more important than having a relationship with someone? Somehow I don't think so.

You realise some people are content being single, right? Some have hobbies, pets, travel and a million other things that they live for. Certainly not up to anyone to cast judgement on them.

But think of your country. Get a better job, work longer for the sake of the future of the nation. You can't be patriotic and ignore your responsibilities to produce the next generation.

I know, seems like folks have a difficult time reading sarcasm into you post! No way anyone can actually think this way!

People live for other things besides a relationship that involves sex and children. Whatever the reason, these people feel the way they do. I don't try to get into their heads to understand why and I don't think that they are necessarily wrong. People have different life styles, goals, and things that make them happy. I like relationships so it is hard for me to imagine their choice of not having them, but their choice isn't wrong. At least for them it isn't. Let them do what they want.

I wonder how many of them have what they would consider to have a life-long friendship?

If people are capable of forming friendships that last for decades, why not try to form that kind of bond with an intimate partner?

Marriage is fantastically fun and the sex is free.

I am sure social isolation during the coronavirus has something to do with the recent uptick. Just try approaching and meeting women when they are wearing a mask.

Yep, just look at the current state of the world and humanity. Apart from the elites, who would want to have (or justify having) children these days? It is no wonder we turn to tittytainment. It's easier to remain oblivious.

And not to worry, they are well onto "solving" the upcoming decline in human numbers by creating replacants, just like in Blade Runner.

Buckle up, it's going to be a wild ride.

Now,I understand why there is a proliferation of sex shops in Japan selling masturbatory aids for both sexes.

I'd have widespread testing of testosterone for men and whatever drives women's ""urges'.

Has to be more than ""culture or work ethic "" keeping people single.

I'd hate to grow old alone

Now, what to do with my mother in law.......

People live for other things besides a relationship that involves sex and children. 

In my early 20s, I shared an airline row and an opinion similar to yours with a much older fellow passenger. He simply looked at me and gave a tolerant smile.

Threesome?

Seems like a high percentage.

The socio-economic model of Japanese capitalism does not make provision for financial remuneration that would create family security while the long hours demanded by the work ethic do not work wonders for the libido. Sexless marriages are the result while paying for a partner or self-pleasuring with virtual partners is the other lonely fate that awaits millions of singles.

This is interesting to me. I am married with a family but recently spent about a week by myself, and it was a decidedly strange experience.

Firstly, I had an absolute embarrassment of time to myself again, after not having that at all for at leat the last dozen years. Your family occupies most of your time, and whilst a lot of that is an absolute pleasure, you simply rarely get time to yourself, and only in small doses. Actually, work becomes my 'me' time in a sense, at the moment. I found the time available to me as a single person absolutely luxurious and kind of loved it, but more in a 'this is completely abnormal and somewhat selfish' sense. But what I also found was that I felt lonely, which surprised me somewhat, but I guess makes perfect sense. I missed my family and the energy of the other people in my life and the quality and loving interactions I have with them on a daily basis.

But I did actually think about people who are in their 30's, 40's, 50's+ and are single, and what life must be like for them.

One one hand there are those that must be blissfully happy with life alone, because you are absolutely the sole master of your own time and domain, and there's a part of me that can certainly see that appeal.

But the other side is the loneliness, and I know people who are single and lonely and say so and would like more people in their life, and it must be a tough experience.

If I were single, I would most certainly pursue my hobbies and passions to their fullest extent, and my life would be built around that, but as a family, everything is a compromise and balance, and I have to say I prefer it.

Historically being rich with a good and secure job does not necessarily lead to high marriage and childbearing rates. Just look at Japan in the early 20th century for example. We are so rich now that work can be an afterthought if you live simply. People will need some fulfilling reason to marry and have children in this age, and the LDP keeps shooting itself in the foot with knee jerk family value ideas such as a single surname and so on.

A huge chunk of human culture, literature, music, movies, etc, is about falling in love, being in love, unrequited love, or the pain of breaking up. Romantic love has probably been the greatest inspiration for creative work.

If people are not even going on dates, this is not a "suck it and see" issue. People are rejecting relationships based on the thought of them, not the lived experience of them. They are rejecting partners as they imagine them, not real ones.

It's tangential, but I am a fan of the late David Graeber and his work into people doing "BS jobs". Jobs, and by extension careers, in which people spend lots of time do nothing of actual value simply to gain a wage. Maybe there are things in life that are more wonderful than romantic love, but I doubt such careers qualify. People working at a stationery supplier like Wernham Hogg in the Office etc.

Let me guess they also still live with their parents?

I guess you can't translate "raging hormones" into 21st century Japanese. This dating thing seemed pretty simple when I was single.

More than one-third of unmarried adults in their 20s to 40s have never been in a relationship and one-fourth have no intention of ever getting married, a recent survey found.

Good...

It's their live.

Live and let live..

This is interesting to me. I am married with a family but recently spent about a week by myself, and it was a decidedly strange experience. 

Firstly, I had an absolute embarrassment of time to myself again, after not having that at all for at leat the last dozen years. Your family occupies most of your time, and whilst a lot of that is an absolute pleasure, you simply rarely get time to yourself, and only in small doses. Actually, work becomes my 'me' time in a sense, at the moment. I found the time available to me as a single person absolutely luxurious and kind of loved it, but more in a 'this is completely abnormal and somewhat selfish' sense. But what I also found was that I felt lonely, which surprised me somewhat, but I guess makes perfect sense. I missed my family and the energy of the other people in my life and the quality and loving interactions I have with them on a daily basis. 

But I did actually think about people who are in their 30's, 40's, 50's+ and are single, and what life must be like for them.

I’m in a similar situation- married with two kids and don’t have much time to myself (drinking my morning coffee with a 6 year old sitting on me as I write this).

I wouldn’t give this up for anything, though I do see the trade-off at work there. I have colleagues and friends my age who don’t have kids and its kind of awkward at times since we sort of inhabit different worlds. They have time and money to travel, pursue hobbies, go out drinking, etc. They also have a bit of a competitive advantage at work since their schedules are way more flexible and can work overtime or go drinking with work people more easily. My time away from work is all family time, which I love. Its kind of hard to relate though.

I do worry about so many remaining single in society since I think the pay off of that trade off changes over time. Having extra money and me time is great when you are young, but as they grow older I suspect the downside - loneliness - will become more and more prominent. Life is a lot better over the long term if you’ve had someone to share it with. Having kids isn’t for everyone, but at least having a partner who cares about you and values your company is something I think everyone can benefit from. Its sad to think so many are giving up on that.

Peak fun was the 80's and 90's in developed countries. Both the number of intimate encounters and number of intimate partners are in decline as is alcohol consumption, and staying out all night at the dance club. Sure a few young folks are having fun but on average kids just don't know how to have fun. It is a global phenomenon in developed countries. Yes, I know you, yourself get a lot of action but the average is in decline.

I wonder just how many of these folks who claim to have never been in a relationship participated in the "gokon"

Gōkon (合コン) is a group blind date in Japan. It is a popular dating style that involves meeting as a group. The name comes from the Japanese words "godo" and "konpa", which mean "mixed" or "combination" and "informal group meeting" respectively.

Many Japanese don't start relationships or initially "date" one-on-one, but do it in groups. It gives them the opportunity to filter out the one's they like or dont like, and it works both ways for both sexes.

Unlike the west, were a man or woman, ask the other person out for a date, that "individual" dating typically doesnt start until the proverbial vetting process has moved along.

Point is that I would bet that a large percentage of those who participated in the survey have experienced a "gokon" and never connected with someone they liked, or were rejected.

I also know plenty of females who had to swallow their pride to participate in a "gokon" because they never found someone on their own and because they wanted to get married, went looking too. They also get rejected as well.

Dating here and meeting people is a difficult process for many. Due to a plethora of problems with inter-personal communication abilities, meaning a total lack of!

I wonder what percentage of those people still live at home.

Weird people but to each his or her own. The thrill of picking out your clothes, getting dressed, heading out, smelling good, looking forward to seeing that woman, was damn near intoxicating to me. Even when I got rejected on a pickup try, it was still pretty fun.

Marriage maybe is okay; however, I would not have another child in this country and nor do I recommend it after my own personal experience with my child.

The pros of having a child in Japan, they do provide free daycare for working single parents that provide hot lunches.

The government does provide single parent allowance on top of the family allowance for working parents.

The negatives children and especially mixed raced children like mine get bullied not only by students but teachers, too. I had to send my child away and to the country of birth to get mental counseling during elementary school grade.

I just learned from my child that during daycare if my child misbehaved, they showed videos of the devil.

If you have a child in daycare, put them only in the ones that have videos up and where you can monitor.

When you are not forced to evolve in society like staying at home or not pushed to get into a relationship, you just become a spinster or a confirmed bachelor.

Except if they are special, you rarely see some happy as age goes.

Life was for the vast majority of women to have kids, whether they like it or not, before 45.

Now with accepted means of choice (pill, surgery...), virtual sex or paid sex for everyone, many decide to go that easy way.

Simply put, such a society issue is that it is not sustainable. And naturally who wishes to take care about someone who did not care much about others.

Truth be told and factually speaking, few can bare loneliness psychologically in the long term.

Good n them for not dating and not getting married! 90% of married people just do it as part of life and regret getting married every day afterwards! The lucky 10% do actually find love yet never end up with their soulmates! Marriage life is becoming overrated especially for Japanese people who are perfectly capable of taking care of themselves and aren’t lazy enough to rely on others like most Americans!!!

23.7 percent of men said having a romantic relationship is a waste of time and money

What do you expect with this kind of utilitarian attitude. It’s not all about YOU, and it’s not all about MONEY.

Wow! That's a very sad life.

One-night stands, and casual sex are frequent in Japan - these are not considered "dates," so trust the terminology with a grain of salt.

Real point? Many incredibly unhappy and incapable of serious relationships. It's often a type of mental and emotional handicap, sure they're exceptions but not many.

Other big bucket's unattractive people. No matter their character, personality, etc., not happening. Hopefully, they can get revenge and enjoy their freedom!

FYI, 'ugly' people working at daycares, usually tops in my view, really want to be there, build sincere emotional connection with kids etc., they know kids not in the cards. Who said life's fair? At least it's a positive strategy.

It's well-known in marketing circles that lonely people are a growing market with a big future (profit-wise). It's quite sad but a symptom of a broken society.

It's well-known in marketing circles that lonely people are a growing market with a big future (profit-wise). It's quite sad but a symptom of a broken society.

Excellent insight. yet it's not zero sum, business will always segment markets. It's capitalism, not morality 101.

Society can still take many actions to help mitigate and manage loneliness epidemic, because otherwise societies get a lot smaller = not good for business!

Truth be told and factually speaking, few can bare loneliness psychologically in the long term.

Great Point! I'd only add few can bare it effectively, source of much stress for most that has many unintended and negative consequences.

As a single guy with a decent job, savings, and property, I would be mad to get married; especially to a Japanese woman.

This is very queer and something needs to be done about it, oh yeah.

Too many isolate themselves in Japan, work then sit at home watching the box or playing video games and of course these days become addicted to those darn smartphones.

I wonder if the research included questions about their own childhood experiences, whether they had any siblings and how many. I think growing up without siblings could be a significant factor in such results.

In the 1966 Fodor's travel guidebook, Edward Seidensticker described Japan as "A crowded, lonely land." As its population declines, I guess that can be changed to "A less-crowded, lonely land."

In Japanese schools, separation of the sexes begins early on, and there don't seem to be many ways for males and females to interact at any age. In my middle school we had compulsory square dancing (which I hated), and of course there was the high school prom and necking at drive-in movies. At college there were even Sadie Hawkins' Day dances each November, where girls invited boys, and the boys couldn't refuse.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sadie_Hawkins_dance

As a single guy with a decent job, savings, and property, I would be mad to get married; especially to a Japanese woman.

Japan has the third most millionaires, after the US and China. You should marry one of them if you are worried about your assets. She'll have more than you. One in thirty people, so you don't have to look very far.

If her father doesn't cut her out, my wife will inherit way more money than me. As things stand though, she earns 1100 yen an hour.

One-third of Japan's unmarried adults under 50 have never dated

Today 06:50 am JST 54 Comments

TOKYO

More than one-third of unmarried adults in their 20s to 40s have never been in a relationship and one-fourth have no intention of ever getting married, a recent survey found.

Never dated?

David Brent

Today 05:34 pm JST

As a single guy with a decent job, savings, and property, I would be mad to get married; especially to a Japanese woman

Seems you already are =)

More than one-third of unmarried adults in their 20s to 40s have never been in a relationship and one-fourth have no intention of ever getting married,

A recipe for extinction. Japan will fade away unless it manages to get more personal interaction in the 20-40 age group, to boost relationships, turning into marriages, leading to children.

Japanese women are discreet. Many of those I know are in relationship with married men. Mostly rich married men.

I find it difficult to understand how some find difficulties in finding love in Japan. Point: your past does not matter. Put on an engagement ring for a year to prove to your prospective that you will be faithful (and she to you). Then marry her. It is not rocket science. It is what I did - and continue to do even after my wife's demise.

Take it from me, for some people, this is a better way to live. Whether the reasons be financial, or because the person is introverted and independent, or because they lived through years of familial abuse…whatever the reason, some people are happier single. That’s it - there’s no reason to act holier than thou just because you personally decided to get married and are happy with your

choice.

What? Is it true? How could it be true? Do they marry themselves? Are they their own children? Save themselves a lot of energy and money?

Stephen ChinToday 11:35 pm JST

What? Is it true? How could it be true? Do they marry themselves? Are they their own children? Save themselves a lot of energy and money?

it is called freedom, they are free to choose the life style they wish, i believe many chinese people dont know the meaning of "free will" and that's why they have enquiries on it. it is the same like i always wonder,

Marriage and parenting are not just “fun”, “fantastic” and “free sex”. They are stressful and hard work.

no one should be coerced into doing it if they haven’t found the right partner

Sad. I'll never regret my decades of very happy marriage and bunch of kids. I've had it all and contributed to perpetuating society at the same time. Win win.

Everyone worth marrying is already married by the time these 35 year olds realize it.

@obladi

Work is hard work. You can love your job but your job can't love you back. For many people putting time and effort into a long lasting relationship and nurturing children is far more rewarding for the effort than sitting at a desk surrounded by people who don't give a crap about them, undertaking the mentally exhausting task of sending emails for 8-10 hours a day.

Delaying marriage and not dating is more a sign of the times rather than something that is inherent to Japan.

People are also meeting and "dating" or "communicating" via Social media sites, and dating apps.

Things are not as bleak as this article suggests provided a person is "motivated" and interested in meeting someone.

It just seems that way.

This reminds me of a story, when I landed in Sweden back in the 80's. I was told most young people in Sweden were single. I asked why and was told by many women that the guys were so confused by equal strong women they did not know how to act and preferred dating foreigners. Seems like this is happening all over the world these days. People are all confused, men, women and priorities.

Romance is not dead in Japan. "Boy Love," Yaoi manga are extremely popular with heterosexual woman in Japan. They are waiting to be romanced, not picked up. If there are heterosexual or other men in Japan wanting to find someone to spend their lives meaningfully with, but unsure how to approach romance, they should start reading Yaoi manga to pick up ideas.

@jime In western countries woman generally do not "marry down." A female doctor is unlikely to marry a male orderly but a male doctor is much more likely to marry a part time female hospital filing clerk. It is not that men are confused by equal strong woman, it is more a factor of equal strong woman not be willing to date anyone who they perceive to be beneath them.

It doesn't hold quite as true in Japan though.

Correlation does not imply causation but marriage, or long term relationship status, is highly correlated to income. Higher income folks who make over $100,000 a year, which is not that high for anyone with a useful education or skill to achieve in rich countries are much more likely to be married or in a long term relationship than people who earn $60,000. Tell me your marriage status, and I know how much money you make.

proxyToday 03:58 am JST

Romance is not dead in Japan. "Boy Love," Yaoi manga are extremely popular with heterosexual woman in Japan. They are waiting to be romanced, not picked up. If there are heterosexual or other men in Japan wanting to find someone to spend their lives meaningfully with, but unsure how to approach romance, they should start reading Yaoi manga to pick up ideas.

Yeah, no. I will assert that is not healthy for heterosexual men. Particularly if it is non-consensual, but that should be true of any orientation.

@TaiwanIsNotChina

Love and romance are love and romance. Reading "Boy Love" mange will not make straight men go gay.

It is really sad and strange. Small children are happy, should inspire people to get married, have children, enjoy family life. I had a brother and a sister. My first wife had brothers and sister, we had 3 boys, all grown up adults now, 2 are married. There in Brazil is normal to get married and have children, this does not seem to be common here in Japan, so, the population is declining, more people are dying than being born, very sad. There should be proactive actions by the top management of public and private organizations to create events for single people to meet each other, to socialize, to get together, to have quality time. These social interaction opportunities would be essential to revert this negative situation of individuals growing alone and not building families.

The comforts of modern life have led to this trend. As people become more pacified with themselves and what they have they don’t need a partner or children to fill that gap in their lives that existed before the mobile phones, game consoles, steaming TV etc. Why go on a date and play the game when you can sit at home with less stress and just self gratify until your heart is content. With AI and rubber dolls this is only going to get worse.

@TamaramaJan. 7  10:05 am JST

 I found the time available to me as a single person absolutely luxurious and kind of loved it,

Time and Space are relatives. The more I spend with my relatives such as immature and self centered nephews and nieces, unfriendly brother in law from the west, the more I needed space for isolation. Everyone needs his or her own space in their life. Life is too short. We can not predict how long we will live. We can not sustain our healthy body and mental sharpness forever.

We born alone. We die alone. Having family may have some fun. However there is some burden as well.

but more in a 'this is completely abnormal and somewhat selfish' sense. 

In fact people staying singles are consuming less resources. Such as child care, hospital beds, public schools and government hand outs. Married with Children people should be grateful for their indirect contribution. They are selfless unsung heroes. Some people facing the social economic hardships are unsuitable to get married because they can not support their family. Not all couple will live happily after without financial security.

Life is a lot better over the long term if you’ve had someone to share it with

Old age will bring cognitive impairment, poor vision, confusion and physical frailty. It will cause burden on the partner. Love is the sacrifice. However sacrifice is not unlimited. Correct sentence is

Life is a lot better over the long term if you’ve had someone who has unlimited tolerance to share it with

I think these rates will keep increasing as the automation and android technology develops further. I suspect many of these people prefer living with toys in stead of real partner. Toys are common in japan.

I would imagine this is one factor of many which, when all are added together, becomes the demographic time-bomb that Japan is currently experiencing and well into the future.

I was married for nearly 25 years, three sons, all in their late 20's/early 30's. Two of the three are in committed, long-term, relationships, but none of them wish to marry, and certainly none of them wish to have children currently; Right now they are too committed to their careers, educations, and gasp their retirement accounts.

I understand these single Japanese in this study, however. I have found peace and happiness in being now alone, and I find great joy in this. It's given me the freedom to concentrate on my own self, and allows me to also take care of my older Mother and Father, work, and travel. I am my own "master".

Just talking to a pretty girl will get you higher than any drug-including crack! That’s what I tell my kids and I want them to date a variety of ladies

The only way Japan even has a shot at changing its demographic profile is by doing something dramatic like saying that if you have three children ALL your children will get free education through college – or something similar.

Great comments all. There is no silver bullet, but my 2 cents - it's all about core values.

If you truly find the idea of family to a burden with far too high a cost, then one should reframe from marriage.

My view is those that believe the cost is too high and burdensome are not taking a long-term view but rather are more transactional in their approach.

Most realize too late their mistake regarding core values, selfish life gets tiresome and then the regret sets in. It's pretty easy to spot and AVOID selfish middle age types.

Any standup parent would tell you they would do Anything for their kids, and nothing is more important than the time they spend together etc. That's not a burden folks but rather a joy.

You see, being a parent IMPROVES your core values, the personal growth you receive is priceless.

They surely have very strong and understandable arguments. On the other hand they will miss out many aspects of 'normal' human life. Let's consider it positively as an advantage for the two thirds majority when they potentially have much less rivals during the search and coupling phase.

Hmmm. Not everyone without a partner is “lonely”.

I think Japan was really the first country to be honest about how many marriages were sexless.

Similarly it may be the first country to be honest about families. Many families don't really work out.

Romance is hidden in Japan, and without societal exposure, you don’t really feel like you are missing out on much. When I reflect on when I wanted to be in a relationship the most, it was when all the people around me were openly flaunting their relationships and showing public displays of affection – making me feel awkward and alone. I think that it is great in a sense that doing things alone and being single is not seen as a flaw in Japan, but I think it also contributes to complacency or lack of interest.

For people to invest in the future, including marriage and family. Requires society to be successful.

Japan's leading companies are falling behind, GDP per capita falling behind, technology falling behind, Govt. debt buildup, population collapse, aging, etc.

It's clear leading companies are not focused any country culture, but rather global technology culture. If Japan wants to restore its competitiveness and success it needs companies built upon global values & standards.

Young people get it, Japan's disconnected globally in world that's becoming more connected every day. Country culture-based Corps. = too risky & too inefficient