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I don’t want society to impose its values on whether someone should have children. Marriage, pregnancy and childbirth--shouldn’t such decisions be left up to each and every one of us?

13 Comments

A 43-year-old nurse, who is unmarried and was diagnosed with infertility when she was 32. She said she felt like she was being told she was worthless because people asked why she didn't have children.

© Asahi Shimbun

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13 Comments
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I don’t want society to impose its values

Isn't that what "culture" is all about?

1 ( +8 / -7 )

10 years ago that was common.

Today diversity is the new normal.

4 ( +4 / -0 )

Am not sure what the point is. At 43 this lady sadly can't have kids, which is different from 'won't' have kids, and never an easy thing to deal with. You are not by any means alone nor worthless lady, as a nurse who cares for people in the world you are to be celebrated If someone with zero tact or delicacy makes you feel worthless, don't let them. Stuff them! They're the sad ones.

Society isn't 'imposing' anything on you though. Society like anything is just trying to survive and guarantee itself a future. The demographic cliff is real, kids are precious and families are awesome. Throw away encouraging families and family values at great peril. We are seeing the results already, not pretty. So yeah, deal with it with dignity and move on. Draw your source of meaning and strength from those in your care.

-1 ( +3 / -4 )

There are many fertile women out there who would rather abort their babies.

-6 ( +3 / -9 )

@Seigi - There are many fertile woman out there who cannot AFFORD to have a baby , accidental pregnancy or otherwise.

-2 ( +2 / -4 )

Of course any society will impose values to everyone, as well as everyone imposes own values to society too. In this case, she was asked why not planning or having children, and she answered wrong, or she answered nothing or she answered true that she is diagnosed with infertility, and she also published that statement above, for example. And also it’s not a private decision, like her case or that sad diagnosis directly shows. Either someone has children or not, that can often be an own decision, yes, but not only. It can also happen or not happen with or without an own decision.

0 ( +1 / -1 )

Society isn't 'imposing' anything on you though. 

"Imposing" might not be the right word, but asking an infertile person to explain why they don't have kids is really low. She's right to be mad about that.

1 ( +2 / -1 )

Did people ask her why she didn't have children when she was single? The "don't you have any kids yet?" button is usually pressed as soon as women get married. Single women aren't expected to have kids.

Lots of people assume lots of things. You should not take them as judgements as whether you are worthy or worthless. If you have haafu (mixed race kids) all kinds of assumptions will be made about them.

1 ( +1 / -0 )

If the infertility is why, what is the problem with saying or answering so. Its inconsiderate to ask someone in a wheelchair why they don't swim, but if the fact they are in a wheelchair is "invisible" then nothing is inconsiderate of it.

0 ( +0 / -0 )

It’s no one else’s business if someone has kids or not. Your medical history is not their business, neither. Why do people think it is?

0 ( +0 / -0 )

The choice tone angry or offended by peoples lack of tact is completely your own. Instead of thinking you have to change the outside world, be like water, off a ducks back. Becoming impervious to idiots is a great life skill. We get plenty of practice with it too!

the Aussie method; Spoonful of concrete. Just own it!

0 ( +0 / -0 )

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