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If a woman lists a child but no husband, she’ll inevitably get questions about whether she’s a single mother and about who will take care of her child if the child gets sick. People who employ them are always worried about whether they won't come to work—single mothers are considered not reliable.

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Yumiko Watanabe, the founder of Kid’s Door, a nonprofit that tutors children from families in poverty.

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All children who have a foreign father are listed as fatherless as foreigners are not allowed to head a family in the Koseki system, so maybe they should change that law as well?

-8 ( +1 / -9 )

I am listed as my kids father on my children's Koseki, have been for over 30 odd some years.

"Non-Japanese may be noted where required, such as being the spouse of a Japanese citizen or the parent of a Japanese offspring" from Wikipedia.

6 ( +6 / -0 )

Non-Japanese may be noted where required, such as being the spouse of a Japanese citizen or the parent of a Japanese offspring

ie reduced to a mere footnote?

single mothers are considered not reliable

Wouldn't it be better to say, single mothers are not considered to be reliable?

-2 ( +1 / -3 )

The sad reality is that most mothers are not "reliable" because the burden of primary parents falls on them. When both parents are working, if a child is sick, it is usually the mother who takes time off. This of course affects her chances to get promotes, get a raise... Until more dads actively step up and start taking their fair share and companies realize that husband are not machines, this will continue to be an issue for ALL mothers but more so single moms.

7 ( +8 / -1 )

she’ll inevitably get questions about whether she’s a single mother and about who will take care of her child if the child gets sick

But if she's married, she's expected to take care of the child if he gets sick anyway.

Seems to me that it's just a stigmatization of having a child without being married as "abnormal".

7 ( +8 / -1 )

Perhaps make it illegal for empoyers to ask about marital status and children, it will help level the playing field when it comes to employment.

0 ( +3 / -3 )

Seems to me that it's just a stigmatization of having a child without being married as "abnormal".

True. Would even go further, women in their late 20s & 30s who are 'just' married (or about to, and still childless) are also stigmatized as most employers know/think it's just a matter of time before they have kids.

4 ( +4 / -0 )

Perhaps make it illegal for empoyers to ask about marital status and children...

I could be mistaken but I thought it already was illegal to ask this. Rings at an interview is a dead giveaway but I think employers aren't allowed to ask until the person has been told they have the job. After that, they kind of need to know due to how many companies are give benefits to those with dependants and the like.

1 ( +3 / -2 )

tmarie: Great posts. Agree wholeheartedly.

1 ( +3 / -2 )

It is illegal in some countries (was in oz), not too sure about japan though. Problem is employers know how to get around those questions and/or simply do NOT hire too many females in their 20s/30s in the same dept/roles. Even easier to figure out in a country like Japan where age & pic are pretty much de rigueur.

Perso, if I were a woman in my late 20s/mid 30s (and childless) applying for 'that type' of job (management, national role, fair bit of travel, pressure etc) I would bring that up during the interview process and try to convince my employer it won't be an issue. Much tougher for young mums though (unless you tell/convince them that your hubby and parents will look after the kids when they're sick.)

Bottom line is work attendance, reliability etc are important if not critical in some roles/jobs so you better address the elephant in the room pretty early during the interview process if you want to stand a chance.

-1 ( +1 / -2 )

Bottom line is work attendance, reliability etc are important if not critical in some roles/jobs so you better address the elephant in the room pretty early during the interview process if you want to stand a chance.

But that's the issue. There is no elephant in the room when men are being interviewed because there is the assumption that even if they have kids, a woman (be it wife or grandmother) will be looking after them rather than the father.

Another issue that is not being discussed is that many mothers have huge gaps in their resume because they quit working to have kids. I think men would also face barriers if they took time off and decided to go back to work. However, I don't think they'd be judged on being less reliable because of it.

3 ( +4 / -1 )

My Japanese ex is a single mother (her son now at Uni) and a more reliable person I have never met. My current partner is not Japanese but has a Japanese son... and she also works like a Trojan.

3 ( +4 / -1 )

I am listed as my kids father on my children's Koseki, have been for over 30 odd some years.

But not as the head of the household. As a footnote.

"Non-Japanese may be noted where required, such as being the spouse of a Japanese citizen or the parent of a Japanese offspring"

Yes. Non-Japanese may be noted. Or not. Depends on the city you live in.

ie reduced to a mere footnote?

Yes. Exactly that.

-2 ( +1 / -3 )

@tmarie, all valid points. Thing is, most young mothers as well as would-be moms ARE or will be at some point less reliable than other workers (men or women) who do not have young kids at home. Society (including mums themselves) & govts must tackle the problem at its roots i.e ensure hubbies/partners (or society itself through affordable childcare, flexible work opportunities etc) take on a bigger childcare role.

I have quite a few single and/or childless female friends in the 30-45yo bracket, and imo they are the ones who are penalised (unfairly) most simply for being women. Perso I don't have a pbm with unreliable ppl being treated as such.

1 ( +2 / -1 )

Why is it so important to be listed as head of household? My old Gaijin Toroku used to have me listed as head of household. But in all actuality my wife was, everything we owned was in her name and she worked as much as me. Now that she has passed, my daughter is the head of household and everything is in her name. It was never an issue with me in anyway whatsoever. It must be a pride thing, best advice to everyone, throw away your pride, it is nothing but trouble!

3 ( +4 / -1 )

People who employ them are always worried about whether they won't come to work—single mothers are considered not reliable.

And are they less reliable? The question is an easily solved empirical one.

-2 ( +1 / -3 )

In a recent job interview, I was asked if I had children, how many, and how old they were. I was also asked if I'll have to care for my aging parents in the future, but the interviewers didn't stop at that. They wanted to know if I'll be taking care of my husband's parents (my Japanese in-laws) if/when they get older or sick. A male colleague who interviewed for the same job, and who has a Japanese wife and two small children, was not asked about any of this. The way they talked to me about my family situation indicated that they were comfortable enough to ask me about such personal details it also didn't seem like they were doing anything illegal or inappropriate. I felt uncomfortable discussing my family life with them (e.g., they even asked if my family would mind if I arrive home from work after 7 or 8 pm), but I really need a job, so I didn't say anything.

5 ( +6 / -1 )

Thing is, most young mothers as well as would-be moms ARE or will be at some point less reliable than other workers (men or women) who do not have young kids at home. 

They only are because the man in their life is not stepping up to an equal partnership and caring for the kids. Woman are penalized because men don't take on the same responsibility as women do when there are children involved - just as many women here do not take on financial responsibility when kids come into the equation. For those women who actually want a career and kids, both sides "let them down."

I have quite a few single and/or childless female friends in the 30-45yo bracket, and imo they are the ones who are penalised (unfairly) most simply for being women. Perso I don't have a pbm with unreliable ppl being treated as such.t

I agree. Those silly women should know their place and just get married and have kids - obviously something I don't agree with but they get punished by society for not doing this.

As for unreliable people being treated as such, you know, I agree. There is nothing I dislike more in a cowoker than someone unreliable. The sad reality of it is though, more so in Japan, many men get away with things that woman, married, single, kids, no kids... would never dream of trying to get away with. I have worked with far too many unreliable men and when the discussion comes around to if we should get get rid of them, it ALWAYS comes back to "but they have a wife and kids to support". As is THAT should be a reason to keep them. The working moms I know are among the best workers because they know they are being judged far more harshly than the males they work with. They may not stay in the office until late but they get the work done, without the overtime pay or the "Oh, what a great worker you are for staying so late".... And until society stops applauding that, well, here we are.

3 ( +4 / -1 )

Great posts tmarie.

I'll just add that your child doesn't even have to get sick. All that needs to happen is a certain number of their classmates getting the flu or a stomach bug. Any condition seen as transmittable. Classes will shut down and kids have to stay home for five days, or longer if enough other classmates to prolong the shut down keep getting sick. For my kids' school in inaka, five sick kids in one class will shut things down. I am convinced that this practice is not followed by any society that values working women. Sickness for your child automatically means five days off, so if it happens at the end of a shutdown, that's ten days of childcare to be found with no prior notice. For a child who may have had no fever or other symptoms for seven or eight of those days.

1 ( +2 / -1 )

A single mother is not a person but a type, a category.

People close to me who have kids but no spouse are reliable. Reliability is like trust.

Trust the person, not the type.

1 ( +2 / -1 )

Why is it so important to be listed as head of household?

because the only reason that stopping us from being the heads of households is our citizenship. It's an issue of discrimination nothing more.

My old Gaijin Toroku used to have me listed as head of household. But in all actuality my wife was, everything we owned was in her name and she worked as much as me.

That's your situation. But other foreigners live and work here and support Japanese families and that should allow them to be heads of their households.

Now that she has passed, my daughter is the head of household and everything is in her name. It was never an issue with me in anyway whatsoever.

Well that's you. But foreigners who work 6-7 days a week and support their Japanese spouses and children may see it differently.

It must be a pride thing, best advice to everyone, throw away your pride, it is nothing but trouble!

Best advice to you – do not be an apologist for the shortcomings in the Japanese system. Heap praise where praise is due and criticize where criticism is due. Doesn't make you less patriotic to Japan to criticize the shortcomings.

Remember, dissension is the greatest form of patriotism. – Thomas Jefferson

-2 ( +0 / -2 )

 do not be an apologist for the shortcomings in the Japanese system. Heap praise where praise is due and criticize where criticism is due. 

I am no apologist, I am just saying it makes no difference who is listed as head of household, None! It in no way affects your daily life, it is just a status.

Doesn't make you less patriotic to Japan to criticize the shortcomings.

Well, if you think that is the case you should come down to the city office with me sometime and watch me give them a piece of my mind. I have been asked to leave the premises on many occasions!

Remember, dissension is the greatest form of patriotism. – Thomas Jefferson

I am in no way patriotic towards any country, and never will be!

It's an issue of discrimination

No, actually it is just an issue of citizenship.

One more thing, if you want equal rights, then become a Japanese citizen, but even then you will not be Japanese, you will be a Gaijin with citizenship. Life is way too short, and goes by way too fast to worry about the little things!

2 ( +2 / -0 )

I am no apologist, I am just saying it makes no difference who is listed as head of household, None! It in no way affects your daily life, it is just a status.

It may not affect YOUR daily life, but it might for other foreigners

Well, if you think that is the case you should come down to the city office with me sometime and watch me give them a piece of my mind. I have been asked to leave the premises on many occasions!

Good for you.

It's an issue of discrimination

No, actually it is just an issue of citizenship.

You do know that Discrimination CAN be based on citizenship, don't you?  If you are the breadwinner and are supporting Japanese nationals with YOUR salary, to not be registered as a head of the household is discrimination based on citizenship.

One more thing, if you want equal rights, then become a Japanese citizen, but even then you will not be Japanese, you will be a Gaijin with citizenship.

well then, you won't have equal rights, which contradicts your first statement.

Life is way too short, and goes by way too fast to worry about the little things!

A life that makes a difference is a life worth living.

-2 ( +0 / -2 )

It may not affect YOUR daily life, but it might for other foreigners

How exactly does it affect your daily life, as a person without Japanese citizenship, not to be given the starring role in a list of Japanese citizens, which is what the koseki essentially is?

You may as well complain that your not being allowed to have a Japanese passport on account of not having citizenship, is a form of discrimination.

A life that makes a difference is a life worth living.

Absolutely. And that has nothing to do with a bit of paper stored in the yakuba.

As for working women with children being 'unreliable'. When my kids were little, I wanted to be there when they came home from kindy/school. I wanted to be there when they were poorly, to blow their noses, cool their fevered brows, rub lotion onto their itchy spots. I wanted to spend time with them at weekends and during the school holidays. I didn't want their father or his parents or someone from the council taking my place so that I could stay on the treadmill. The translation companies could find some other translator: my kids didn't have another mother. I was up front with the people who sent me work, they knew the kids came first and they were willing to accommodate my schedule. If that made me 'unreliable' as a worker, fine.

0 ( +2 / -2 )

@tmarie: I think you seem like the type of woman with a chip on your shoulder and do not appreciate that when you as a mother take time off suddenly, in the vast majority of cases, your co-workers have to pick up the slack suddenly and probably don't have any bad thought about it because you may pick up the slack when they take a holiday or take care of parents, etc. I think you cannot avoid the issue that you are burdening others to do your work in a manner that they are not burdening you and an appreciative posture would be more appropriate.

I have a chip on my shoulder because I would like equality for both men and women when it comes to work/home opportunities? Wow. Yep, then I guess I do indeed have a chip on my shoulder for wanting it better for both men and women. Shame on me.

Cleo, I find this sentence very sad. I didn't want their father or his parents or someone from the council taking my place so that I could stay on the treadmill. No one could take your place as a mom. Why you wouldn't appreciate or "let" your husband stay home with your sick kids is beyond me. Dads are important too and are able to do everything a mom can do outside of breastfeeding.

0 ( +2 / -2 )

How exactly does it affect your daily life, as a person without Japanese citizenship, not to be given the starring role in a list of Japanese citizens, which is what the koseki essentially is?

Because depending on where you are, as a foreigner you may very well be excluded from the Koseki all together. Not all foreigners are placed as a footnote on the koseki. It depends on where you are. Sometimes you are not.  This is perfectly ok if you don't have kids, but if you do, your children are officially BASTARDS by law.

-1 ( +1 / -2 )

By the way, for those of you who would like to know about how the koseki system affects not only foreigners, but Japanese (especially women) negatively as well, here are a few links-

Some woes with the Koseki (Family Registry) system for NJ and others in Japan

http://www.debito.org/?p=1843

Japan Times Colin Jones on anachronistic Koseki System, how lack of family laws affect J divorces

http://www.debito.org/?p=5835

Bryant in UCLA Law Review on oppressiveness of Family Registry (koseki) and Household Registry (juuminhyou)

http://www.debito.org/?p=10095

-1 ( +1 / -2 )

Because depending on where you are, as a foreigner you may very well be excluded from the Koseki all together. Not all foreigners are placed as a footnote on the koseki. It depends on where you are. Sometimes you are not. This is perfectly ok if you don't have kids, but if you do, your children are officially BASTARDS by law.

Only if you were married abroad and did not report your marriage to the proper authorities can I see this happening!

If you are married to a Japanese citizen then you are listed on the Koseki. My children are not bastards, anyplace they have had to write their fathers name down they right mine, and on the Koseki I am listed as their father, so in no way are they bastards.

@cleo: very good post!

1 ( +1 / -0 )

Dads are important too and are able to do everything a mom can do

Of course Dads are important. Of course they are able to do everything a mother can do outside of breastfeeding (and not all mothers get up to speed with that, either). That doesn't mean the 'burden★' of looking after the kids has to be shared straight down the middle. I wouldn't 'appreciate' him staying home to look after a sick kid so that I could concentrate on earning money in the same way I would not 'appreciate' him eating my share of a box of chocolates, or watching a good film on my behalf, or taking an aspirin because I have a headache. I wanted to be with my kids, and especially when they needed extra attention.

(★It isn't a burden, it's a joy and a privilege, and as the person who spent weeks feeling sick all day followed by months looking the size of a tank and with hormones all over the place followed by the experience of what felt a bit like having my insides ripped out, I claim that joy and privilege as my own. Gender equality be damned, it don't exist.)

No one could take your place as a mom.

Clearly not so. If a child is adopted, is the adoptive mother never anything more than a surrogate? A stand-in? A make-do? Is the birth mother for ever and always the child's 'mom'? I don't think so. It's what a parent does that makes him/her a parent, not who he/she happens to be.

 your children are officially BASTARDS by law

This is a completely different topic to being listed as head of the household, and a problem I have never, ever heard of. If your marriage is recognised in Japan (granted, sometimes you have to jump through a hoop or two), your wife is obliged by law to have the marriage recorded in the koseki: your kids are not bastards in law.

-2 ( +1 / -3 )

Only if you were married abroad and did not report your marriage to the proper authorities can I see this happening!

If you are married to a Japanese citizen then you are listed on the Koseki. My children are not bastards, anyplace they have had to write their fathers name down they right mine, and on the Koseki I am listed as their father, so in no way are they bastards

Completely and totally incorrect.  Please read the links that I have provided for you before commenting. Thank you.

http://www.debito.org/activistspage.html#juuminhyou

By law, since foreigners are by definition not citizens, we cannot have a "Residency Certificate" (juuminhyou, in kanji: 住民票), *ergo we do not actually "reside" in Japan. Not only is this an affront to our contribution to society (even though we pay resident taxes like anyone else), *this legal loophole has created a number of systemic horror stories for non-Japanese--such as your Japanese spouse looking legally unmarried and your children bastards.

0 ( +0 / -0 )

Cleo, I find this sentence very sad. I didn't want their father or his parents or someone from the council taking my place so that I could stay on the treadmill. No one could take your place as a mom. Why you wouldn't appreciate or "let" your husband stay home with your sick kids is beyond me. Dads are important too and are able to do everything a mom can do outside of breastfeeding.

Fathers are not equal to mothers in the first few years. Some fathers try, but nothing is more important to a child than a mothers love and attention. It is a life choice I guess, work or family. Unfortunately men can not give birth, and they lack motherly instincts and that leads to most women having to chose between work or family, may not seem fair, but that is just how the world works.

It takes a lot of work to run a household and raise children, more than actually holding a position at some company who does not appreciate you. fathers can do most things a mother can do, just not as well in most cases. I agree men should help when they can, especially if the wife also works. A marriage is teamwork, as is parenting.

-1 ( +0 / -1 )

@Aly Rustom

"THE JUUMINHYOU MONDAI" ,from the link you provided is old and outdated!

The Koseki and JUMINHYO are two different things!

Also, "The Alien Registration System will be abolished, and Alien Registration Certificates will no longer be required. With the exception of those visiting Japan for sightseeing or other short-term purposes, the new system of processing residence will require foreign residents who are eligible under the law and who have stayed in Japan for more than three months to be listed in the Basic Resident Register (Resident Records ( juminhyo ) will be created.)"

http://www.city.yokohama.lg.jp/shimin/madoguchi/koseki/foreign/20120705183331.html

2 ( +2 / -0 )

THE JUUMINHYOU MONDAI" ,from the link you provided is old and outdated!

I am aware of that. Debito also provides a link to the new updated system but you didn't bother to check did you? I purposefully provided that link even though it is outdated to show that

The Koseki and JUMINHYO are two different things!

EXACTLY MY POINT. We have been registered in the JUMINHYO since 2012, but the Koseki system is still the same. So while children with foreign fathers are registered properly in the JUMINHYO they are still bastards according to the Koseki.

There is NO LAW that requires the foreign parent to be registered in the Koseki. NONE. It's completely at the discretion of the powers that be where you live. YOU may be registered in the Koseki but many others actually arent

-2 ( +0 / -2 )

My son is currently registered on his mother's koseki but will get his own when he turns 20.

I am also registered on her koseki as her rhusband & his father, having PR before he was born equals no difference to me.

Actually my card shows me as head of the household, his overseas citizenship is unaffected?

1 ( +1 / -0 )

Actually my card shows me as head of the household,

So does mine in the city we live in now. It didn't in another city we lived in. They told us that I could not even be put on there. Really glad I moved somewhere where I am registered. But it is up to the discretion of the city in which you live in.

his overseas citizenship is unaffected?

As long as you don't inform the J-gov that he has 2 citizenships there is no problem. Don't ask Don't tell kind of policy. That's as far as I know.,

-2 ( +1 / -3 )

All readers back on topic please. This quote has nothing to do with anyone's citizenship.

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