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Some are hurt by remarks meant as goodwill gestures, like, 'You just haven't met the right person.'

14 Comments

Ken Nakamura, 25, who identifies as asexual, gives lectures and works to raise awareness on the topic. He noted that people who identify as aromantic or asexual keep a low profile, and because of that, they are often misunderstood.

© Asahi Shimbun

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14 Comments
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My reply to that would be: “you haven’t learned to keep your opinions to yourself.”

-1 ( +7 / -8 )

Just say,'But I'm happy with myself.'

5 ( +5 / -0 )

No need for such comments in a work setting.

2 ( +4 / -2 )

My reply to that would be: “you haven’t learned to keep your opinions to yourself.”

Excellent reply.

One of the things about living here is that the Japanese can be VERY intrusive people. Shockingly so.

-4 ( +4 / -8 )

I am curious why such a remark would be hurtful. If one lives outside the usual way of life in a society, then awkward but well-meaning comments should be expected. If he is happy with his choice of life, why would these comments hurt? Does everybody have to walk on eggshells?

And yes, Japanese are more intrusive than Westerners in some matters - that's simply a cultural difference one needs to accept if they live here. Chinese are far more intrusive than Japanese, for example. If you don't want to answer a question, just don't answer it.

1 ( +6 / -5 )

The times are a'changing I guess.

I met somebody at age 32 and 2 years later we got married. Back then, I would have said myself that "I hadn't met the right person" until then. Now (other) people are telling me (?) / hinting (?) that I was "asexual" or "aromantic"?

I think, like the other commentators above seem to, that some people should get more accustomed to the the "don't ask, don't tell" concept and keep themselves out of people's business! Jeez!

3 ( +3 / -0 )

This person is so thin skinned, I despair for society

-3 ( +2 / -5 )

'You just haven't met the right person.'

This would generally be said after hearing someone lament that their romantic relationships were not working. If the person is aromantic and content, there would be no lament to respond to, would there?

3 ( +3 / -0 )

I am curious why such a remark would be hurtful. If one lives outside the usual way of life in a society, then awkward but well-meaning comments should be expected. If he is happy with his choice of life, why would these comments hurt? Does everybody have to walk on eggshells?

I am not asexual but I am childfree, and often get the same kind of comments. "You will change your mind when it is your own!" and that like.

It comes up a lot in social situations at certain ages, even if you tend to avoid the topic. In many cases it is something that just wears you down over time, you get really tired of hearing it and having to explain yourself daily to people around you who are being condescending. It is even more frustrating when people just dismiss everything you explain to them, thinking that they know better.

So yeah, I can totally see how it would be hurtful to be surrounded by people who are convinced they know you better than you do, and that you "just need to find the right person".

-4 ( +0 / -4 )

If I were to say, "You just haven't met the right person yet," it would likely be in response to a person feeling down about being alone and not successful in love. I assume it's the same for most. It could, of course, come from a prying family member of friend asking, "Why don't you have a boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife yet? Oh! You will! You just haven't met the right person," but still.

3 ( +3 / -0 )

Surely it's just an opinion and if you like it or not, people in Japan are allowed to express their opinions, regardless if you agree with it or not? Or is the world becoming so woke that any opinion that someone might not agree with is ' wrong' ? If so, when do the ' thought police ' start working?

-1 ( +1 / -2 )

Jaiden (Jaiden Animations) talks on YouTube about her emotions and identification as a aromantic/asexual person. https://youtu.be/qF1DTK4U1AM [Being not straight]

0 ( +0 / -0 )

Some don't seem to get what Mr Nakamura says. It's like offering a beefsteak to a vegetarian saying, "oh, maybe tomorrow you'll get hungry enough to eat it".

It is deeply offensive.

-1 ( +1 / -2 )

It is deeply offensive.

It seems more like people look to be offended because being a victim is seen as empowering.

1 ( +2 / -1 )

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