quote of the day

There are still deep-rooted views that, after all, it is better for children to be taken care of by their mothers. But I don’t think that’s true. I think things will change if there is a growing number of fathers participating in child-rearing on a regular basis.


Mikito Tsurugi, 40, whose 2-year-old daughter wouldn't stop crying on a shinkansen, and who soon found himself being questioned by police as a suspected kidnaper. The train made a prolonged stop at a station, while police officers questioned him and he was cleared only after he showed some ID and called his wife so police could talk to her after they got off the train.

© Asahi Shimbun

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Wow, I don't feel so bad about being asked for my gaijin card anymore...

2 ( +2 / -0 )

But but but this is Japan. Muh culture.

0 ( +0 / -0 )

Totally agree with him and its totally ridiculous that just being a dad with a 2 year old daughter who is crying will get the police called on you.

I say this as a dad with a 2 year old daughter myself! What can one say, 2 year olds cry a lot when they are tired/cranky/don't get exactly what they want exactly when they want it, etc. In no way does that make the parent taking care of them a bad parent.

5 ( +5 / -0 )

Where was his wife?

-6 ( +1 / -7 )

Maybe...she was WORKING, Tom.

3 ( +4 / -1 )

I was brought up by a single mother, the sole male in our household (even our cat was female). Yet for my twenty-something kids, I'm the one to turn to for advice. A bit of investment results in a great yield.

3 ( +3 / -0 )

Japan lives in the dark ages when it comes to parenting. Wait until you get divorced from a Japanese wife. Good luck getting any visitation to your kids. I got divorced six years ago and haven't been allowed to see my kids for the last three years. Even the first three years I saw my kids once a month if I was lucky after not seeing them for six months after the divorce. 'She' just cut me off completely and threatened me with a stalking order if I tried to see my kids after going to my daughter's high school to pick her up. There are no laws in Japan in regards to joint custody and/or child support. I was paying child support, but 'she' insisted I give her half of my salary every month. I declined and she cut me off. Just like that! She refused to accept any less. It was all or nothing. I have accepted I will never see my two teenage kids again and am leaving Japan next month. Happy days!

7 ( +7 / -0 )

@Disillusioned, that would be enough to make me leave Japan, too. I raised my daughter, alone, from age 5 to 18, but she saw her mother whenever the two of them wanted to get together. Whenever. But, I suppose that's just a part of my ex-wife and I being open-minded, non-vindictive Canadians.

I hope you find a nice place to live, wherever you're going.

4 ( +4 / -0 )

From what I've heard divorcing a Japanese person can be a nightmare because they generally don't care about being amicable in the slightest and will abduct the kids if they feel like it. The lack of joint custody is a reflection of that I suppose.

A commenter on this site pointed out that the whole household registry system would have to change though, for example how would you decide whose dependents they are when they are only supposed to be registered with one household? Joint custody would require them to be registered at both parents' residences which may complicate other things like which school they go to etc.

It's perfectly possible to do, just needs to be done thoroughly to avoid screwing the kids even more

0 ( +0 / -0 )

We have a Japanese friend with two small young children. Both under 10 years. She was married to another Japan but he went and had an affair which led to him making divorce. The mother sought custody but was willing to allow the father weekend access.

He made a challenged in the family court for the custody of just the oldest boy because hi s family connection to a shrine when the eldest son becomes the next whatever it is. The court agreed.

The older son lives with his father and the younger son with the mother. The older son visits once a month for a weekend.

So sad that these brothers two years apart can't live together.

2 ( +2 / -0 )

Maybe...she was WORKING, Tom.

Oh maybe she left the child rearing to the father because he was a better parent than she was.

-1 ( +0 / -1 )

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