Marie Peterson comments

Good blog. The behaviour of the foreign partner could be seen as fascicle. Often the foreign male is labeled a fetishist, both by Japanese and compatriots alike. The JPN female sometimes holds exaggerated fantasies of marrying out, flying blind. Age disparity. Sometimes the foreigner is plan B. You know the crude joke about women and Xmas cakes, after the 25th...

I was w/ one for 12 years. It ended in tears, disappointment and heartbreak, the scar remains. Sure I made mistakes. All she wanted was the social status of a married woman, children and a provider. I wanted more. Affection, communication, shared goals... When she erroneously concluded I was no longer her best shot, she was gone. And she was unkind about. My blunder was naively, even cavalierly on the surface, assuming that she knew I couldn't imagine living out my life w/o her. But I did feel it in my heart. My parents warmly welcomed her on dozens of occasions. This was their new daughter. I lived an hour from her family home for over 6 years and was received once.

Ended up w/ another gal. Now I am saddled w/ a wife who cannot bother to learn the lingo here after 17 years, negligible communication, precious little emotional affection, but am blessed w/ a wonderful, bilingual son. Smattering of a few more languages. He is the reason I stay. I little bit of unprompted affection goes a long way, I don't get any. A hug, a peck for no reason. Yeah, I used the "miso shiru" line. Well received.

Actions and deeds do speak louder than words. Talk is cheap.

The J woman is extremely good w/ cosmetics, you can get a shock the morning after. Japanese women do age gracefully but many allow themselves to get frumpy, bachan-ish prematurely. In the interest of expediency I am doomed to speaking Japanese in my own home. And I have to manage all outside contacts.

I did feel like the "monkey in the cage" when I was on the dating scene. A novelty. Didn't like being viewed in that light. Or the raised eyebrows and the preconceptions aren't much better in California. I am cool with my Kyoto okaa-san. Says I treat her better than her own kids.