marriedawitch comments

Posted in: NEET spouse in the house not such a neat arrangement See in context

I want to divorce my Japanese NEET wife. She has become the opposite of what I thought she was when we married: ambitious, career-minded, broad-minded, flexible, cheerful, initiative-taking, problem-solver, ...

Now, she's literally the opposite of all that.

Eight years later, coming home day after day, tired from work, I don't know which I find more amazing: her ability to accomplish absolutely nothing in my 10 hour absence, or the fact that she believes that she has a legitimate excuse for doing nothing!!!

The condition of our home? Imagine a cat hoarder, but instead of cats, we have TRASH stored in every crack and crevice in our home. There's stacks of paper arranged in no particular order, tons of bags, plastic, labels, tidbits litter every tabletop or flatspace. Our refrigerator is a receptacle for expired food -- Literally, 90% of our packed refrigerator is occupied by inedible leftovers or expired food, and by expired, I mean like two or three years old!!!

We have four young, lovely kids. I adore them and want to give them the best. My wife doesn't understand the concept of taking preventative measures so that our children can avoid accidents: Poisonous chemicals are laid out for our baby and two-year old to find; floors littered with trash and clothes along the main walking areas; rotten milk and food left out for days are within reach of our often-hungry children, hungry because my wife cannot plan our meals for the day, week or month.

We are not poor nor am I abusive. I have a good paying job at a respectable university and, though somewhat more goal-oriented than the average person, am well-liked.

Part of our marriage agreement was to turn on our jets and get focused on being as productive as possible, to become financially independent so that we could return to the US, give our children the luxury of an international experience, and also so that I could help support my younger sister who is disabled and needs constant, special care.

With a strong business background, I set about plans WITH my wife, who had an active part in visualizing our dream and future -- I thought we were going to be a strong team! The plans were nothing complicated, but plans that had clear mid- and long-term targets which we could achieve if only by being consistent and persevering while learning from our mistakes.

Both her parents and mine have strong entrepreneurial backgrounds so I figured that at the very least, she has the DNA to be financially independent.

So, in short, initially, we shared the same dream, had the same drive and understood clearly the commitment required to achieve the dream.

But soon after our first child was born, everything changed.

I noticed first that she couldn't plan her day, that she'd wake up lethargic and be so full of excuses when I asked her how her day had helped us come a little closer to our goals.

Then I noticed the hoarding. I'd have to clear out the closets, desks, cabinets and refrigerator every couple of months!

Then the secret blogs, the internet auctions and the investing she was doing WITHOUT my knowledge!!! (I have a strong background in finance for crying out loud!!!) Needless to say, she lost money and time in all of these secret ventures.

I had never done anything to encourage her to go underground ... She just did. Believe me, I tried all kinds of approaches with her to get us on the right path because that's what you have to do for the sake of the kids.

We've tried 3rd party mediation like by a priest from the church of my mother-in-law. Despite my being a foreigner, the priest and mother agreed that my wife was being lazy. As often is the case, my wife pledged to do better, tried hard for a day or two and then soon gave up all efforts, spending almost all her time trying to look busy or productive.

I've come to the conclusion that my wife seriously has a mental disorder along the lines of depression and/or ADHD, although she refuses to take steps to find out for sure. She believes the problem is with me.

It has come to the point where you can be assured that we're going to have a monthly episode of me getting on her case to seek help!

Meanwhile, my children suffer, our financial resources are dwindling, we've all lost eight years of our life, and my disabled sister wastes away in sub-par facility.

My point in all this is not to vent ... I just want to let the readers know that this is a REAL PROBLEM and that it is not a simple matter of pointing fingers and saying someone is lazy.

NEETs are a product of a privileged and egocentric generation. They had mostly been sheltered by their doting parents and have no clue as to how approach and solve problems.

Several patterns of lazy thinking that my wife often displays are:

"Don't get angry! You should never get angry! [and therefore our conversation is finished]" ... Even though her actions have gone beyond reasonable (i.e. my having to fetch her from store detectives at our local supermarket for her shoplifting!!!) I don't condone anger, but I do believe that we should be aware of everyone's switches and limits. My wife has no clue!

"I have my way of doing things." "We should just be happy and normal." If that was our initial goal at marriage, sure! But it wasn't ... Our goal was to strive for excellence and success. "There's only a problem if someone else thinks so." I'm that someone else!!! How come I don't count???

What to do? Well, since I can't get my wife to get help. Then I'm going to divorce her. Eight years of this hell is enough. I've shown patience, but she hasn't shown ANY signs of growth or maturity.

And the kids? Well, she says she would never give them to me, and even though she isn't fit to keep them, I have no fighting chance here in Japan. I'd rather get out on my own and start being productive rather than fight a losing battle. I just hope my kids don't get hurt being brought up by her (mostly her parents) and that they become wiser about relationships from this awful situation.

0 ( +0 / -0 )

Recent Comments

Popular

Articles, Offers & Useful Resources

A mix of what's trending on our other sites


©2024 GPlusMedia Inc.