So apparently she had some family support. How much "support" would the parent of a 5-month-old baby need? At that age they're sleeping most of the time.
I mostly agree with what you're saying sensei, but I beg to differ on this one! :( !
2 ( +2 / -0 )
Does the Japanese culture still endorse the theory of suicide is honourable? as we here in the west call it cowardly?
Yes they do
I am surprised that Japan does not have any sort of help for people that are struggling or not copping with life.
Why surprised? Have you ever been here? To suffer (gaman) is to be honorable and admirable.
I am very annoyed that she's killed her children, could she not have asked for help? did she ask for help?
See above. If she did, she was probably told to ganbatte.
as for the children could have been left with her grand parents or her parents. don't local communities have self help groups?
Not if the grandparents tell her it's not their problem and to "ganbatte". After all, they had to suffer through it. Why can't she? Local communities usually don't have self help groups. There is no demand, as few people ask for help.
Is there a net work of professionals how can help people that are not copping? if not why not?
There may be some small networks set up with no funding that people generally don't know about. They don't exist because of lack of perceived demand, lack of time to run such volunteer groups or participate in them because people work such long hours here, and the culture of minding ones own business, and having ones own sh1t to deal with.
In the UK we have a voluntary team called "Citizens advice" these are maned by professional (ex) and non professional people, they can help with giving out advice on dept problems, marriage, and social security problems, these people can cut through all of the red tape and bureaucracy. simple thing like these make a world of difference to some people.
That has changed then since I was there, when the Citizens Advice Bureau was more dealing with consumer affairs than anything else. But see above for why it does not exist here.
-1 ( +0 / -1 )
Most of Madame Riris nonsense I just brush off, but most of this stuff is actually pretty on point.
Some things I wish I'd known before marrying a Japanese for anyone thinking about it:
The issue of international custody and kidnapping. Luckily it never became an issue with us and the kids are now old enough that it won't be, but finding out about it after the kids were born caused unnecessary worry and stress in the early years.
The real culture of Japan - I mean, things like infidelity, while not overtly socially acceptable, being socially accepted. And the ubiquitous lolicon. Think about that when you are planning to raise a kawaii haafu daughter in Japan.
Honne and Tatemae. Particularly that people including your own family will be super nice to your face, and stab you repeatedly in the back all while smiling sweetly.
Money. Not an issue in our marriage, but definitely work out expectations and spending preferences before tying the knot. I have many many friends arguing about finances. If your man (or woman) is into Pachinko or Keiba - run.
What to do with elderly relatives. This is starting to become a worry for us now, both in my home country and his as neither of us are living in our own countries now but a separate 3rd party one.
17 ( +19 / -2 )
Two of my NEWBORNS were just a fraction under 4 kgs. This baby was 8 months old! What on earth were these two doing?
9 ( +11 / -2 )
It's not that her "work" is difficult to understand. There is nothing there TO understand.
I know very little about art, but clearly Bertie here does, and this gave me a good giggle! Thank you BW!
I heard that it's only been a few years that her and McCartney are on talking terms, but it's something fairly new.
I think this is true. I remember about 10-15 years ago Paul wanting to release a compilation of songs and Yoko refusing him permission on any song that was cowritten by John. Paul very publicly made an appeal in an interview to Yoko saying "There's still time". She wouldn't back down.
I find it very hard to believe that, if this woman had never met John, that she would have ever been famous for anything in her own right, at least outside Japan, and even then probably just for being the daughter of a famous banker.
1 ( +2 / -1 )
but how many feel the gravity of what they have done and actually take responsibility?
What a pity they don't feel the gravity and take responsibility BEFORE they do it.
Truly a horrific crime, but also an example of a culture that is compassionate at heart. Who waits for the murderer's wounds to heal before charging him? Japan. Americans have become too violent and bloodthirsty for revenge in cases such as this.
LOL! Let me guess - living in nasty horrible Gaikoku and dreaming of coming to Japan one day right? Because its pretty clear from this comment your experience of real Japan is minimal.
2 ( +3 / -1 )
I think that's the issue - the judge didnt see it as murder, but rather involuntary manslaughter or whatever the Japanese equivalent is. She didnt actually intend to murder the man. But he died as a direct consequence of her actions, and if I was his family I would want her to go down for her actions for a LONG time. Unbelievable!
8 ( +8 / -0 )
The writer had mixed feelings about writing this novel. I share similar mixed feelings about it publication. I will reserve judgement until I read this book.
I agree. Making money (and surely it will with the international interest in the disaster) out of hundreds of thousands of peoples misfortune leaves an uncomfortable feeling in me. Donate all profits to help these people, given that it is THEIR lives being exploited for profit and I would feel a bit better about it.
0 ( +4 / -4 )
I am so pleased that VD fell on a Sunday this year. The only choccies I had to buy were for my best friend's baby boy, and it was a pleasure to do so!
Um...?! How old is he?!
Sorry but this just made me laugh! Reminded me of the time my best friend had me hold her 6 month old when she went to the bathroom in Starbucks, and he was begrudging me my chocolate scone so I gave him some little bits and he LOVED it! She came back, I handed him back, we carried on talking, and she said "I really need to start weaning him soon!" I asked has he only had milk so far? "Yes", she said. "Only ever milk. Nothing else at all." Erm.....! :)
0 ( +0 / -0 )
Family court and child welfare from personal experience are pretty useless here. Despite several meetings with them over two years and obvious signs of strange behavior
Totally agree. I was sent a questionnaire assessing my state of mind after my second was born years ago. I filled it in ticking all the boxes for feeling suicidcal and wanting to harm myself or others. I wasnt in that state of mind at all, but I wanted to see if I would get any kind of reaction (this issue was in the news even back then). Answer: I got nothing at all. No contact whatsoever. Someone was able to tick their box and claim job done. That's all.
1 ( +2 / -1 )
don't know the family nor living in Kanagawa, but don't some of you consider the husband working in night shift? As for the woman, being Japanese, she has a lot of option to ease her depression. She could even work for 3 or 4 hrs to ease her depression and at the same time earn extra money for herself. Or if she's burdened living with the in laws, they could live separately. So sad for the young lives that perished. RIP!
This is an extremely naive point of view. Being Japanese she has a lot of option to relieve her depression? Are you kidding?! Most places in this country basically tell you to "ganbatte" - like the family center she did actually consult for example. She could work? Doing what and when? She has 3 children and in laws to support. One was still only 5 so still at kindergarten. And most in laws dont support their daughter in laws working. They expect to be looked after themselves. That's her "job". Live separately? She may well have tried to ask for that, but societal pressure is still strong. He was probably the Chounan so it was just expected. Finally, yes, he could have been working a shift Saturday night. He could just as easily been out partying, relieving his work stress for the week. Here's a crazy thought - they could have gone out together and had the in laws babysit! Nope - never gonna happen.
Not supporting her at all. I have 3 kids myself and raising them in Japan whilst married to a Japanese man was hell at times, even without the in laws living with us which could quite possibly have pushed me over the edge. But I would have killed myself before anyone else. But these naive assumptions that Japanese women have it so easy are often way off base. Some do. A lot don't. and many many many of them are depressed.
3 ( +6 / -3 )
This video gives an unfair portrayal to say the least.
No, It doesnt. YOU may have been lucky enough to be able to take time off work to drop off your kids, pick them up, and duck out of those meetings (which yes, I agree, are an insane waste of time!). But for the vast majority of women married to Japanese men (which is what this is all about) this IS the reality.
Your wife is a lucky woman. My husband picked up my kids maybe a handful of times in about 6 years of daycare, and only then because I was in hospital and his mother hadnt yet arrived to take over for him.
The dads I knew picking up kids from daycare were either shift workers (doctors, mostly) or unemployed stay at home dads. Some would fake it. There was one guy who I knew had lost his job months before but still turned up every day in a suit and briefcase. He killed himself a few months later.
But really, it is the Japanese companies that put the pressure on these women, bully them AND get away with it. Women feel the same pressures in the UK, in Australia, and here in the US (I've worked in all 3 places) but the unique difference is for the most part, companies are way more flexible and understanding.
3 ( +7 / -4 )
Well said Sensato.
0 ( +2 / -2 )
My God how terrible. Her poor family must be devastated.
0 ( +0 / -0 )
ifd66 buchailldana me too! Same clips. He was just wonderful! Blankety Blank! There's a blast from the past! I don't know what is going on with the start to 2016 - David Bowie, Alan Rickman, Terry Wogan and Frank Finlay all within January alone. :(
0 ( +0 / -0 )
The irony of an organization whose members charge outrageous and obscure charges for their services bleating about commercialization of their industry is not lost on anyone.
0 ( +1 / -1 )
Unless the intent was actually murder, you have to be pretty wasted to allow your own child to drown. Which begs the question why, if she was obviously that wasted, Daddy hadn't noticed and/or taken on the job himself?
0 ( +3 / -3 )
This is an ongoing discussion here in the US. The problem is that a lot of the online only universities are dubious in terms of quality of education and are not taken seriously. Most of the traditional bricks and mortar universities are very slow to catch up on the online learning sector. Over in the UK, they are much more advanced because very few online-only universities exist. The vast majority of traditional bricks and mortar universities also offer excellent online programs.
I started my degree by attending a traditional college and stayed in a dorm. But I finished it online. I am looking into a masters now, but I can't attend a traditional college here in the US because of childcare issues (and most people working full time are in a similar position) and I just don't trust the Universities of Phoenix / Kaplan / Walden etc colleges. A few traditional ones (Penn State, ASU, GCU etc) are better but pricey. I'll probably end up getting my MS from a UK university again because at least I know it's a bona fide one.
The entrances for even in state universities is becoming insane. There are a lot of complaints with our local UC that the minimum grade requirement is now well above 4.0 and the place is full of international students, not so much because their grades are up there but because they are far more lucrative to the university than an instate student.
0 ( +1 / -1 )
As a non-American now living in America I have been pretty shocked by how great this country actually isn't. There are super nice pockets of it - and then there's the rest. Maternity leave is atrocious, slave labor the norm (think of all the tips you have to pay just to give someone a living wage and even then barely), the school lunches are disgusting and we live in one of the best school districts in California apparently. Work holidays are really short, and my husband, following a nasty injury that is going to need 6 months of healing, is now worried about sick leave. I always thought America was "Utopia". It still has a lot going for it. Where we are anyway. But the way your average American lives is not as wonderful as TV makes it out to be. Yes, Michael Moore is absolutely cherry-picking the best of each country, but he makes some valid points.
0 ( +3 / -3 )
I can't believe some of the ridiculous interpretations of this law going on!
Come on, be serious people! It's pretty obvious where and why this law is being brought in.
Too late for my old school friend, whose husbands rabidly catholic family forced him to marry her after he knocked her up. He refused to let her work. He verbally beat her down over many years. She was not allowed to contact us because we were all free and single and he thought we would be a bad influence on her. So she lost her support network. He threatened to take their son away if she ever left. He was rude and abusive to her family and eventually they stopped visiting. They called the police but they said no crime was being committed. They visited her to ask if she wanted to file a complaint. Of course, she said no. She was scared. When their son turned 20 and she was just 38 herself, she finally did escape. With a huge handful of pills.
And he is still scot free to walk around because after all, "no crime has been committed".
-1 ( +1 / -2 )
Everyone's going Star Wars crazy here in California right now. On the last day of school, my 4th grade son's teacher was late into class (unheard of for him this year). Suddenly he burst through the door in full jedi gear with a light saber and a dark lord accomplice (aka substitute teacher) and they battled it out in front of 35 9-10 year olds screaming their support! Needless to say his teacher won, and 35 kids will one day go onto high school and beyond with memories of the coolest 4th grade teacher ever. Wonderful guy!
0 ( +0 / -0 )
Maybe they can protest Oktoberfest not occurring in October as well. Thanks in advance
?!?!?!?! What are you saying??! Oktoberfest in April, August and November is one of the GREAT things about Japan!!!
0 ( +0 / -0 )
Giving up a seat to a PREGNANT woman - very considerate and thoughtful and most gratefully received. Giving up a seat to any woman in general - not necessary.
Holding a door - yes, thank you. Again, very considerate, but equally as a woman I would do the same for a man so as not to let the door slam in his face.
Pulling out my chair or opening my car door - unnecessary, but nonetheless a nice gesture if you want to. Not expected of you though.
I'd be more interested in what gestures men would expect from women -
Are you impressed by a woman who offers to pay half on a date, even if you have offered to pay? Or offers to pay for drinks afterwards if you insist on paying for dinner? What gestures can women make that men appreciate - apart from the bleeding obvious (don't go there!)?
4 ( +5 / -1 )
Does anyone know how Miss Japan did?
0 ( +1 / -1 )
I wouldn't judge until you've walked a mile in those shoes. Not excusing him but he was 71 himself, worn out from care, probably little to no outside help, for 11 years. Who knows what that will do to the psyche over time.
16 ( +19 / -3 )
WHY???!!! all this just for a robbery? of a 21 year old who probably didn't have that much money? What on earth was the point?
3 ( +6 / -3 )