perkele comments

Posted in: Counselor has harsh words for parents of 'hikikomori' See in context

I'm not from Japan, but Europe, Scandinavia. I'm technically hikikomori. I went to university until I was 25, did well, but had no friends and my life became a dead end, because I was homosexual. I could not accept it, my country was very disapproving of gays. Not officially, but word on the street was different, gays were seen as shameful and disgusting men. I never wanted to be gay (I would have payed anything to be normal), but I was. So I went back to my parents, where I hadn't lived in many years. First it was one summer (first summer unemployed in long time) just watching movies alone at night, sleeping days. Then I didn't go back to university, my parents were shocked, but gave me time. We argued, there was counselors who visited our home. We tried different medication, antidepressants, anti-psychotic pills and whatnot. Year became two years. Two years became five. Now I'm turning 35 and situation is the same, 10 years has passed. I have not been outside the house during the whole time, I lock my room door if there is visitors. I'm a virgin, probably gonna die a virgin. I dream of suicide every day, but don't have the guts. My parents and I come along pretty good, I mean I love them. They have been very kind, too kind. I don't want to hurt them, even though I'm angry sometimes. Angry at myself, mostly. I see gays being more approved now in the media, there is some famous gays today. When I was at university, there was none. I had no role model back then, I thought that gays can't succeed and they should just die. I didn't know that times will be different, that gays are going to be more accepted. But now I have whole different set of problems. I hope I find courage to take my life some day, but I doubt it. I would have done it already. My parents are not to blame, it's all me. But if they acted right away that first summer maybe none of this would have happened.

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