Raj comments

I am born in India but lived in US for most of my life but for all intensive purposes I am an Indian American. I can understand to a certain extent why foreigners feel the way they do in Japan or in their interaction with Japanese. It is not fair to blame Japanese because in my opinion all these old eastern civilizations (Chinese, Indian and Japanese) kind of are a life style more than anything. They can not easily be acquired even if you live there a life time. Some cultures are probably more receptive than others, for instance Indian vs Japanese in that Indians are probably better hosts at a personal level than Japanese but deep down you will still be a foreigner for us and depending on what your goals are you may feel like rejected. Japan being isolated due to its geography as well as it's ability to protect itself from outside forces for the majority of their existence does add a lot to their mindset in terms of retaining their identity and not seeing a need like accepting a foreign language. I still think Japanese have a lot to offer as a society and there is no particular reason for any foreigner to feel inferior or superior (at a non superficial) by having or not having a friend. I am going to add a race part to it based on my observations in life so far...."whites (generalization but not at a personal level)" do have a tendency to think world revolves around them and they must be acknowledged (whether is economics, politics, sports e.t.c). Japan seems to not care about them (whites or other races) in particular, I never thought in my visit to Japan that they treat whites better than others. This may subconsciously impact a white person in general. In other words Japanese are comfortable in their own as much as they are. I wish more countries are like that. Although I do have friends of all races in USA, it is not like white people invite their friends home at an intimate level, most of them are cheap, somewhat ignorant about world view for a developed country and the rules they impose on the world are universal only when they are winning (the point I am making is to bring a perspective on your own character). But as far as work relationships go, I generally find them better and more capable than many others. On my travels in India I met some foreigners trying to become Hindu e.t.c and complain they feel rejected. This is exactly what foreigners feel in Japan, somethings are conceptual in which you understand the concepts and apply them to your own life. Do not try to be a Japanese but if you like something Japanese then take it and use it in your own life. Not being able to make friends in Japan is not that much different in your own country.

Anycase, I think getting literacy in Japanese is reasonable expectation if you are going to live in Japan and also doing that without expectation that Japanese should respond to you in Japanese....they will when they think you are good enough (why wouldn't they?)....my suggestion is try not to approach everything in life with some favorable expectation in return, it will only lead to disappointment. Let the things take their natural course while you make your efforts.