Nobody wants to think about ending a relationship, especially at the height of it. Sadly, these things just happen, more often than not. And hey, a break-up, whether it be in English or Japanese or any other language, isn’t always a bad thing. Sometimes it’s really to secure yourself and even your ex-partner a new (and hopefully, better) life. You’ve probably spent a significant amount of time with that partner, and you certainly don’t want to hurt their feelings, but you still want to make sure that the message is sent.
To help you in the process, we’ve put together a quick break-up guide with a few typical phrases in Japanese to use once you’re ready to end it with someone you have been romantically involved with. (Or, to help you understand what you are being told in case you’re the one being dumped.)
Japan’s Main Break-Up Categories
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Japan’s Main Break-Up Categories
As in most other cultures, in Japan, there tend to be three different ways of breaking up with someone.
- Some people choose the soft break-up, the standard “it’s not you, it’s me but let’s stay friends“ approach.
- Others, who find themselves in relationship limbo, take the neutral “let’s see how they react first” approach.
- The rest choose the “screaming insults and selling whatever they gave you on Mercari” approach.
If you’re going for the first or second one, you may wish to start with a conversation, explaining your reasons. The third requires less explanation and more slang, so jump straight to that section.
The Go-To Break-Up
The standard, most common and civilized way of ending a relationship in Japanese is by saying:
別れてください (wakarete kudasai; “Please break-up with me.”)
Or the more casual “別れよう” (wakareyo), which simply means “let’s break up.” If you want to initiate the conversation, suggesting that there is bad news in the typical “we need to talk” way, you can approach your partner by saying
私達、話し合った方がいいね (watashitachi, hanashiatta hou ga ii ne; “We should discuss us.”)
Or the more simple and direct 話がある (hanashi ga aru; “I have something to tell you.“)
Soft Break-Up Phrases
Use these ones if you really do still care about your soon-to-be ex.
Gomenne. Kore ijou otsukiai suru koto ga dekinai.
ごめんね。これ以上、お付き合いすることができない。
I’m sorry, I can’t date you anymore.
Anata no sei jyanai. Watashi no sei.
あなたのせいじゃない。私のせい。
It’s not your fault, but mine. (Aka. “It’s not you. It’s me.”)
Watashi wa anata ni fusawashikunai to omou.
私はあなたにふさわしくないと思う。
I don’t think I’m good enough for you.
Anata ni wa motto ii hito ga iru to omou.
あなたにはもっといい人がいると思う。
I think there’s someone better for you (than me).
Ima made arigato.
今までありがとう。
Thank you for the time we’ve spent together.
Tsukiattete tanoshikatta yo. Kedo mou owari ni shiyo!
付き合ってて楽しかったよ。けど、もう終わりにしよう！
Dating you was fun! But let’s call it off.
Shiawase ni suru koto ga dekinakute gomenne.
幸せにすることができなくてごめんね。
I’m sorry I couldn’t make you happy.
Wakare wa tsurai kedo, kansha shitemo shikirenai yo.
別れは辛いけど、感謝してもしきれないよ。
It’s hard to break up and I can’t be more grateful (to you for the time we spent together).
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- External Link
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6 Comments
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gsa
Don't worry, they will ghost you before you know it. Hone your ghosting detection and handling skills. or just play safe and don't do Japanese.
I'veSeenFootage
If a lot of Japanese women ghost you, the problem is probably not with japanese women.
Marc Lowe
The article neglected to mention if it is acceptable to use these phrases on the fax we have to send to our partners. I think a fax is a step up from a lazy break-up text.. Soldiers, after all,mused to get Dear John letters.
factchecker
Since we read on this site about Japanese who are too gutless to quit a job without hiring help, surely there's equally a dumping service? Or would such people be to gutless to even start a relationship. hmm.
Jay
From a distance might be the best bet - and especially if you're a woman - because let’s be honest: judging by far too many of the stories in the Crime section, a large number of people here don’t exactly have the best track record when it comes to handling breakups amicably. The pattern’s a bit too hard to ignore. Safety first.
Yrral
What part of dysfunction relationship,do the people here do.not understand